Recently my husband got a computer. Picked my brain about setting it up and getting online - called me, took me to lunch, etc. He's been online about a month now. I've IM'd him a couple of times, emailed him a couple of times.<P>Yesterday afternoon I forwarded him an email I'd received about a blood drive here where I work, because he'd mentioned previously being interested in perhaps donating blood again. I addressed it "To My Hubby" and closed with "Love, Terri". I also mentioned that a local health club was offering a Tai Chi class and asked if he was interested.<P>When I came to work this am, I found this message waiting for me: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>RE: (H) AND (Slug)'s computer<P>Terri,<BR> Please do not e-mail OUR computer. This computer belongs to BOTH OF US, not just (H). You ARE NOT WELCOME to e-mail US!!!!! As for (H) donating blood, did you forget the last time (years ago), he donated it made him weak and he had to lay down for a while? And he was embarassed, so, why would he do it again? Thank you for the suggestion about (health club), but, (H) gets all the "Exercise" he can handle right here at home!!!!<BR> Again, DO NOT E-MAIL OUR COMPUTER. YOU ARE NOT A WELCOME PART OF OUR BUDDY LIST!!!!!<P> Thank you for your anticipated cooperation!!!<P> (H)'s LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND.<P> (SLUG)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>How's that for a pair the size of churchbells?<P>Unfortunately she did get to me a little bit, and I responded with the following: "Tell you what - when MY HUSBAND tells me to stop emailing HIM, then I will gracefully cooperate." I managed to stop short of calling her every name in the book ... at least via email (there was a lot of muttering coming from my office - and the air WAS a little blue ).<P>I debated about whether or not to contact my husband, and finally decided to do so. The conversation went something like this:<BR>Me: "Hey, did you get my email?"<BR>H: "No, I didn't get online last night."<BR>Me: "Well, your friend did. And she sent me quite a nasty little note in return."<BR>H: "Yeah, well, whatever. Is that what you wanted?"<BR>Me: "NOT 'Yeah, well, whatever'- She harassed me all summer long on the phone and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be a trouble maker - but I don't appreciate having nasty email messages sent to my work address."<BR>H said nothing.<BR>Me: "She told me I am not allowed to email you anymore. I want to know - is that YOUR decision or HER decision?"<BR>H (after a brief pause): "That's her decision."<BR>Me (after a deep breath - I WAS afraid of what the answer would be): "So, let me tell you what I wrote..."<BR>H: "That's ok, I'll see it tonight when I get home."<BR>Me (a little braver, and referring to his previous comment a few weeks ago that she was too dumb to figure out how to use the computer): "Probably not - you think she's too stupid to figure out how to delete a message?"<BR>H (pretty matter-of-factly): "Yeah - I don't think she knows how to delete."<BR>Me: "You'll never see that message. There's a button at the bottom of the screen that says 'delete' - I think even she could figure it out."<BR>H doesn't say anything.<P>I went on to tell him what I'd emailed him about, and he was VERY interested in both things... We had a very nice conversation and then he had to get back to work.<P>So, how was YOUR day?<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

terri -- The nerve of some people I am really sorry you had to go through this terri. I think it was a good idea to confront your H directly. He sounds like he is still a little wishy washy, but at least he knows the truth.<P>I will be praying for you.<P>God Bless

Darn double posts . . .<p>[This message has been edited by Empty Shell (edited October 19, 1999).]

Thanks, ES... It wasn't so bad - I actually feel better that I did confront him about this. And I did it quite calmly and didn't call anyone any names or anything <P>Yeah, he's wishy washy, all right...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

Good for you terri

Oh my GOD... I cannot believe the nerve.<P>My stomach is twisting for you!<P>Your retort was good... very impressive actually, especially compared to what you WANTED to say... <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

You are a much better person then I am. I would have emailed her and let her have it. I think you did the right thing with calling your H. He has the right to know what kind of a pycho he is dealing with.

She sounds a little threatened by you...huh!

I really hate when the OP tries to act like they are the spouse.....really warped thinking!

Terri, she's just want a man wants, a controlling twit...I hope it goes quite badly for her. <P>All my best.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

You are much more the woman than I could ever be...you handles that very well!<P>------------------<BR>Joan <P>"Turn your wounds into wisdom..." That really cool black gal who was on Oprah all summer.<BR>

Obviously he wants to keep hearing from you -- as it was HER decision. Good comeback too.

Hey you're more of a woman than I could ever be too! <P>Unbelieveable. How do people like that sleep at night? Is there no conscience that she is messing with another woman's husband?<P>I think Slug is being too nice. <P>And was it is about spouses saying "Yeah, whatever."? That bugs the poop out of me! You had a good response to him. <P>Your husband is a fool to be wasting time with a slug when he has someone like you.<P>SHA

Terri, <P>You handled yourself with as much grace and dignity as you have thru out this sordid mess. I am sorry I have not posted lately but my life is a mess at moment and will probably post soon....nothing good here.....actually pretty much in the same boat as you...odd isn't it we both started around the same time and are both pretty much at the same point in this mess. Will post soon an update. I have been following your posts tho. <BR>You know what really galls me is that for all intents and purposes you are still mariied to your husbnad....where does that sluggette get off saying anything to you!!! Of the two of us I think you have more stregnth and you are to be commended.<P>Kathy

sorry double post!!!!!<p>[This message has been edited by Kathleen (edited October 22, 1999).]

Wow! It was great to find all these supportive responses!<P>The latest is that I had a flat tire this morning (in the driveway) and I had to call my husband for help. He was there in a few minutes and brought me to work - he will be arranging to get the tire fixed tonight, I guess...<P>I'll bet that really roasted her <P>I'm in class right now so cannot stay here too long - but I wanted to express my appreciation now because I might not be able to get online again until tomorrow...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

terri-<BR>I'm sure you've probably read Frank Pitman's Private Lies, but go back and read the part about when the OW acts hostile towards the wife. It's a sign that all is not well in paradise. Just don't let her goad you into being the witch! <P>You handled it just great -- except I wouldn't have argued with him about whether she deleted the message. It would have been more telling for him to get home and find she deleted it himself. Don't put him in a position where he needs to defend her.

No matter how computer illiterate the <B>slug</B>gette is... she will eventually learn to 1. create new accounts... and 2. filter your messages out!<P>My wife's OM has done that since discovery (6+ months ago!) Now he only sends me the occasional hate mail... knowing I can't send anything to him to make him feel guilty!<P>My wife (already feeling guilty) hates <B>all</B> my email because it is loving and caring and kind. Yes... I'm still Plan A-ing.<P>Be careful on your messages being <B>not</B> too hateful... it is very easy to forget that these written words can and do hurt almost as much as those in person.<P>Jim<P>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

All of you: Thanks!!!<P>This has been a hellishly busy week. But I have a minute or so to sit and write, so I wanted to write to all of you how much I appreciated the very supportive responses to my original message.<P>Just to update you: I mentioned that I'd had a flat tire on Wednesday morning and that my husband had come over and taken me to work. I got a ride home from class that night from a friend and called to let him know that he didn't have to come and get me. He did come over after work (around 10:45pm) to work on the tire.<P>He managed to get it inflated enough to drive on with a can of fix-a-flat. Before we left to go to the gas station, he said to me, "I couldn't find anything wrong with that tire." I agreed that it was odd, because I'd checked it only a day or two before, making sure the tread was wearing well. If it had been low, I would have noticed. Then he said, "Unless somebody messed with it..." I hesitated a minute and then asked him what he meant by that, and he replied "Unless somebody let the air out of the tire."<P>Gee, I wonder who he suspected of being behind that? I don't know for a fact, but he seemed convinced that it was something like that and THAT IS COMPLETELY UNLIKE HIM! I am the paranoid one - and I never thought of that.<P>Well, we went to the gas station, he put air in the tire and we waited for a few minutes to make sure it was holding. Then, I went over to him as he was going back to his car, gave him a kiss and said thank you. He got in the car and said, "Get up a little early tomorrow and check that tire. Call me if you need me."<P>Hmmm. Guilty conscience? He seldom is that direct about wanting to help... and he generally doesn't want to get up at 7:30 or 8:00 am when I have to go to work...<P>Well, the tire was fine and I went to work and even got there a few minutes early. Didn't think about the car at all, everything was fine. About 11:30, he called me at work. <P>"Guess you didn't need me - you didn't call." Huh? I replied: "You told me to call if I had a problem. Everything was fine, so I didn't call. The tire seems to be holding air quite nicely."<P>"That's good ... I figured you didn't need me since you didn't call."<P>What is it he wants? To be indispensible? For me to need him all the time? I can NOT figure him out.<P>Then, later that night I saw his motorcycle parked outside of where she works - go figure...<P>THE MAN IS GOING TO DRIVE ME INSANE! <P>And, sadly enough, I still love him as much, if not more, than ever...<P>Sorry for rambling - I'm tired and I have to go get some sleep now. Thank you all again for your wonderful support!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

Terri,<BR>And now I'd email him a wonderful "thank you for always being there for me!" I sure appreciated your help and your concern." <P>The extra pat on the back and letting him know how much he is appreciated is a plus in the love bank,,,,,,and if his email gets intercepted,,,oppsss