I have been wanting to call her for days and tried a few times at her job because I knew she would pick up.

I'm not sure what the push was for me -- it wasn't anger, but I felt so strongly that I wanted to talk to her.

The longer we talked the more powerful I felt. I was able to say (respectfully, believe it or not) what I felt about her actions; how I still cared for my WH and prayed for our marriage. I was able to ask some of the "why" questions I had and let her know how I felt about some of the emails she sent to WH -- especially those about my children.

My initial question to her was whether or not she and WH had plans to get together after the D -- she hemmed and hawed and said that that was more of a question for WH. I took that as an affirmative and shared with her where my kids were with that. She said that the kids would never have to have contact with her if they did not want to and I said wouldn't that make it difficult for the kids to have a relationship with their dad?!!
She had no good responses to anything. No defense -- her actions were and are indefensible.

I ended the call with letting her know that I didn't hate her -- I don't and I think I just realized that. I have 0 respect for her; she will never be in my life or my 'pal' and quite frankly, I pity her. I will never have to live with the guilt of having done what she has done.

But I, I feel so much better for having made that call. I think the other lesson here for me is don't let my anger drive me. Be ok with it, but really get in touch with the hurt underneath and move through it. Then and only then can I say what I need to say and be heard...

Then I listened to "If I were a boy" by beyonce (sasha fierce)!

If the phone call made you feel better, it's good to get it off your chest. I called OW too. About 3 mins into the call my anger subsided. OW was truly too pathetic to be angry at. If anything it helped me to see just what a joke the A was and if she has a single functioning brain cell one day she might think how utterly stupid she sounded trying to defend herself. An A shakes your self confidence. After talking to ding dong, I felt better. She's trash and doesn't have anything on me. If she's too dumb to realize it that's her problem.

Hey, BR, thats about how I felt too!! She can try to defend, but she just sounds selfish, adolescent and clueless.
I think it was helpful for me because it just deflated the myth I had in my head about her and what and who she is.

I am so much stronger than she or WH will ever know. I am so much stronger than I thought I ever was.

I am so glad that I am not her.

I did the same thing and was on the phone with her for an hour . . .I felt so much better after that. I asked her to please discontinue contact with my H. When she didn't I called HER H. I didn't know of MB then and actually wasn't sure she was married. Very painful situation for you. . . It is rather unbelievable that a man with 3 children could give up his entire family for an illusion. But I've been there and sometimes there is just no talking them out of it. I remember saying to my H at that time . . ."plenty of men leave their families for another woman but in my wildest dreams I never thought it would be YOU" . . .this was before the OW's H knew about the A and he was rejecting me every day! My heart breaks for you and your children. I hope it works out for everyone. So sorry!

BF I too called the OW once it was confirmed of the A in Oct 08. I called her at work and she kept telling me that "I don't know what you mean", "I don't understand", this of course had something to do with that she is my H's direct report. I told her I was standing for my M. That my D15 and me were praying for her that she find a free man that she could walk in the light with. Told her about H's high credit, depression, drinking and she said nothing. But then again how do you reason with a senseless pig. She is very sure of herself and I guess so because now H has filed for D, and I won't be surprised if they get married (her 3rd - cheated on both husbands). So we know the statistics if they do end up.
It did make me feel better but it is like trying to stop e-coli once the virus starts spreading.

It's sometimes good to get it of your chest, as long as things don't get too crazy and make YOU feel worse. I think that the OW are objects to pity (though not too much...it's hard to pity stupid), they are insecure, weak women who have been and always will be the second choice, no matter the outcome of the M.

I talked to the OW a few times on the phone and I never could see why my FWH cared for her. She seemed very simple, not very complex, self centered, and childish. Of course, she was nineteen and I suppose some would blame that, but people can't blame their age for everything. She was also a terrible liar. I wanted to actually go to see her during the A since I was pregnant, so she could get all the aspects of what she was doing, but I knew that I would probably attempt to knock her teeth out and THAT wasn't a good idea! :-)

You are much stronger than the OW, never doubt about that.

p.s. If I Were a Boy is a great song!

Be careful.

You said your piece, but don't be surprised if OW turns it around on you.

BTDT, got the tee shirt.

Yeah, that's true. She might turn it around and do the whole "Woe is me, this woman won't leave me alone" and try to make a pity part to WS. Ugh.

I'm not sure if she will do that, but honestly I don't care. I talked to her FOR ME and I feel better because I was able to see clearly that she could not come up with any honorable or justifiable reason for her actions.
She also made it clear that although they are not seeing each other, there are plans to reconstitute the relationship after he is divorced. To me that completely means that they are still in an affair. Still in lala land!
What confirmed for me that she is completely disconnected from reality was her statement that the kids would never have to see her if they didn't want to. So, she is willing to renew her relationship with WH, they are so in love, remember, but she would never expect to be included in his time with his children. He would be this single guy who happens to visit with children once in awhile -- kids she will never meet?

Its crazy! Its like "lets have a real relationship, but since we've caused so much pain and hurt, let's still act like its an affair. Oh, except with our drinking, clubbing buddies -- they will accept us!" I'm sorry that just seems delusional!

Because that's exactly what it is; a DELUSION! Seriously. Let's see how in love they will be when "real life" kicks in.

Blech....I miss the puke smiley.

OW called me to say that WH had just left and they had spent 2 hours in bed. She said she thought I should know....like she was my friend or something.

Well, we talked for about 20 minutes. I was calm and assured. She sounded whiny and desperate -- like a 20 year old from one of those MTV reality shows.

I managed to get a few good digs in. Never lost my temper. Never let her hear me sweat. Stood up for my marriage and family and loyalty. Called a homewreaking sl*t a homewreaking sl#t.

She, too, said she would want nothing to do with my kids. She had no plans being a "stepmother." This was echoed by WH when he said he has no plans on being a "stepfather" to her kids. So...hello...don't you two selfish village idiots realize that you have kids? Hello...reality check.

And WH kept trying to intercept the call. He somehow knew we were talking and kept buzzing the line. I finally let him in, told him that I was busy talking to OW, and that I'd call him back. He was FRANTIC.

The best was when I told her that WH had cheated on her with ME. She BLEW it then and hung up. And -- sure enough --blabbed to WH about this.

So...she won the prize. She has WH and has kept him away from me and the kids for almost 3 months. She's sooooooo jealous I bet she told him that if he ever sets foot in our house again, that they'd be finished.

So...even when I didn't initiate the call....I was able to talk without anger. Granted -- if the call had come in close to D-day, I would have lost it. But "time" is a friend, believe it or not.

Now would I call OW? No...have nothing to say right now. Would LOVE the chance to get WH back in the sack and then call her to blab. (Yeah -- in my dreams!) And believe me...if she called me again, I'd let her have it again.

I didn't call--I wish I had. I emailed her. Did what another poster here mentioned and laid out all the negatives about H. "Hey, you think he's so wonderful? Well he's XYZ and yeah, you can have him and all his faults." She emailed me back but I had already set her email to bounce. I didn't even want to read them.

When I exposed, I also did it via email (they live 2000 miles away). Emailed her H *at work* and attached copies of their sexually explicit chats, emails, and some porno pics of herself she sent to H.

I went to OW house a few hours after I exposed to OWH. He was home and she was crying when she came to the door. I was expecting a beauty queen that I couldn't compete with. I saw a younger, plainer, version of myself with her makeup running down her face. She didn't have the guts to say a word to me. I felt better initially because I realized that she wasn't anything special. Her house was a mess btw too.

I wish I would have confronted OW. Would have told her what a homewrecking ho she is. Not very mature, but it would have made me feel better.

I did talk/expose to OWH for several hours in person, but never did talk to OW.

Saw her once. Not much to look at!

If OW ever called or emailed me...I'd have a field day.

Oooh, OW did email me once the A was finished. It was weird, talking about how one day she might be babysitting my kids and going to Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws house. I thought, like hell you will!

Instead, I wrote a very civil message (which I also posted on my blog haha) and did not go into any details. It was very well written and I wish I had saved it because I've deleted the blog now! :-( I've not heard from her since.

I remember when you did that Verve. You and OW were very chatty

My contact with the PQ...
hmm, well I abused her on Bebo which meant all their workmates saw it. One way to expose I guess . The I apologised to her by email, not that I actauly gave a hoot, it was a stratigic part of Plan A. She replied saying she deserved it (???) but didnt respond to me telling her to end it then.

Then there was the hissy fit she had on MY bebo when I wrote to her parents and telling them amoungst other thigns that there was still onging SF with Flick, and a final word of marital advice when Flick came home, which was weird really since he was coming home to me and her own M had ended.
Go figure.

Havent heard from her since, but since I have heard of many OW's making contact down the track to apologise, or make themselves feel better or something, I expect I will one day.

Oh believe me, I told her what I thought of her while her husband stood there watching. Neither of them said a word. I just told her that I needed to know the face of the woman that had been f*cking my husband. I needed to know what she looked like because I wanted to know if I ever ran into her around town. I thanked them both for their time and left.

Haha, this just reminds me of how, when I found out where OW lived, I drove to her house because I had a feeling that Ike was there. It was 4am, I was 6.5 months pregnant, and in my jammies, mind you. However, when I saw his car there, I was freaking livid! I came so close to going and knocking on all the apartment doors to ask where the slut was who was f-ing my husband! I wanted to tell her off then and there, but either she wouldn't come out or Ike wouldn't let her come out. Whatever reason, it was a good thing. Going to jail for assault while pregnant wouldn't have been a good thing.

Oh my, it's so amusing to me now. I was a woman possessed! With pregnancy hormones and craziness from the A. I just feel like saying, to those who I met then;
"You met me at a very strange time in my life." (Fight Club)

Lil, PQ was a weird one, definitely. I never really knew what to make of her, other than....ew. ;-)

I remember when you did that one too Verve, I was having a ***** of a day and it was the first laugh I had had in ages. Its what got me reading your thread

The PQ... well she is odd but BO will do that. i saw a pic of her new fella yesterday. Need a scream icon. poor beggar