All you people out there, I need some deep encouragement.

I am the one who has the husband in Vietnam. At this moment he is in the philippines and then is going back to Vietnam in a few days.

Yesterday I finally made one of the hardest decisions in my life. I told my husband that I do not want to see or talk to him anymore until he stops seeing Xuan. He has a baby with her by the way. Anyway, I told him that this could be a year or more. I also told him that when he comes back from Vietnam to home that I will not be there to pick him up in San Francisco and that he has to ride to BART back to where a shuttle bus will bring him into Modesto, then he has to take a taxi home. I also told him that I will not be home when he gets here and that I will make arrangements to live somewhere else when he is here home. I have not told him where I will be going, but I have an older daughter who I am going to be staying with. We have 2 children together a girl 17 and a son very close to 16. My husband will have the responsibility of raising our children when I am gone. Something he has left to me for almost 3 years now. I have spoken to our children about my plans and they are behind me. I have told them that if they want to see me that I will make arrangements for them without seeing their dad of course. And, when it is time for my husband to go back he will have to do a reversal of how he got home. Take a taxi to bus station, take bus to BART, and then BART to San Francisco Airport. When he leaves I will return home.

I want you all to know that I woke up feeling more peaceful and relieved this morning than all the other days that I have since he has been gone. Why, because in the past I knew deep down in my heart that he was still not wanting to break this off with her, I could see it in his face and feel it. When I took back myself yesterday and truly meant it is why I believe that I woke up this morning feeling this way. I can say though that I had a restless night and looking at the clock every 2 hours. I will be honest, I miss my husband's calls where he tucks me in at night. And his calls to me in the morning saying goodnight for himself, since this is his bedtime.

As soon as I talked to him I called 2 family members and one friend and told them what my plans were. They are all behind me.

There was a comment in my last post where someone said that my husband is cake eating. I want that person to know and everyone else, "NO MORE CAKE EATING FOR MY HUSBAND!!!, NO MORE CAKE EATING FOR HIM!!!."


Cindy

Just curious - why would you give up your children and residence? Can't you change the locks and tell him to go find someplace else to live?

This is a bad plan, your best plan is to have HIM live somewhere else, for you to stay as the primary caregiver for your children and for YOU to stay in the marital home.

If he decided to D you could get very scr*wed with this plan.

Stay in YOUR house.

Stay with YOUR kids.

Let your H find a new place to live, dont give him anything.

Why enable him to carry on this way?

The worst thing he has to do is take a taxi, big deal.

you are feeding his ability to continue his A. You are telling him his poor actions mean he can have the house and the kids and so on.

Change your locks, tell him to find a place, stop making this so easy for him.

I don't understand. Why would you leave your children in the care of someone who obviously has lost all sense of morality? You should make HIM go somewhere else. Protect those babies (even if they are 16 and 17). They need stability at this tender age.

To everyone who replied to me so quickly. I can say thanks so much!!!

I have to say that when I read all your responses it jerked my emotions back to reality, thanks!!! It made me think seriously about what you all have said to me and I am going to take all of your advice.

As soon as I read your responses I called the counseling department to talk Steve and I have an appointment tomorrow. I feel he will probably give me the same advice.

Thanks again,
Cindy