http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2234302#Post2234302

All this long story shor - I decided to just write this other woman an email and ask her to leave my husband alone so he and I can work on our issues, together, without interference and distraction.

I didnt' tell her who I was - but she forwarded my email to him and told me "I feel sad to lose a friend for the simple fact that it is clear to me that he is devoted to you and the kids but obviously it is not to you. Friendship over per your request.
"

so she's claiming he's devoted to me and the kids - but his actions ahve always be otherwise. and the fact that she knew who I was and who I walk talking about when I wrote her is a clear signal that they are moer than just casual aquaintences.

I wrote him a super long email explaining my actions and every issue I cuold think of that I wanted to deal with in therapy with him...and I left it at that.

As far as I'm concerned, we're over ... he's gone for 2 weeks and won't come back until next weekend - I have to study for my ACT so I can start college. My goal, now, si to tell my aprent's everything because when he reads the email I sent him [censored] will hit the fan and all will be officialy done for and I will be moving out.

I wish my marriage didn't go this way - but hsi constant addictions to everything under teh sun is too much for me to handle. We have 4 kids, I need to focus on them, not him and his immatuer crap.

Good Job Julie. Stay strong! Take care of you and the kids.

Well, we finally talked - for a long time - about everything I could think of.

I'm just shocked at this ... thsi si what he said. now, I wrote her and for a while I felt stupid but then I was glad I did because he couldn't deny her existance at all and he, honestly, had no clue what she had told me ... so I feel that gave him a reason to be honest.

He told me that in December she approached him at work and came onto him and he told her "no" . . but instead of stoppingit, there, and leaving things alone he "continued to be friends with her because i felt bad and didn't really know how to handle it. I didn't want to hurt her feelings."

WOW! WHAT on EARTH is that!!

So she came onto him and he told her "no, I'm married" and she, apparently, evne quit her job because of things between them and he stayed her friend!

yep - in December, January and in February ... on up 'til now .. they've been "friends"

I'm so disgusted, so disgusted. I honestly was NOT expecting to hear that she came onto him! I was hoping that I was overreacting.

And so I looked at our phone-records and YEP - the very moment i stopped being concerned and stopped snooping is the moment he started to get in contact with her...they text-message more than he does me.

Through Christmas
New years
the flu
virus infections
dr's visits ... everything else.

textextextext

And he honestly tried to tell me "but I don't see what i did wrong." REALLY - those were hid words.
Not only that - but he said "I was so proud of myself for turning her down when she first came onto me..."

WOW -- JUST WOW.

We're done but he doesn't know it. I don't want him flying home early form this crap - I'm letting him believe that we're working things out until he gets home.

Tomorrow I'm calling this phone number I've been tracking to see if it really is her number, too, just to finally confirm.

I'm facing bcoming a single-mother of 4 kids, again, and I'm not looking forward to it...but we can't say I didn't try my damnedest to make it work.

And what did you find out?
Have you made up your mind finally and for sure that you don't want to try to save the marriage? Have you read all of the material on this site?