Just let her know that I'm praying for her and your family and all the other BSs and their families who are networking here.

God bless!

Tully is busy - all will be explained.

Joan

Hello everyone, it's Tully back again. Sorry that I haven't been around for a while but life has been tough lately and also I have been reluctant to use the computer at home.

Since I was back on here I have found proof that WH had been lying to me completely before I left France in November. Before I left I believed that he was trying to break contact with OW and to come back to me but that he was failing. I knew he was provoking me and pushing me to leave the marriage to leave the way clear for him to go to OW but I believed it was subconscious. Now I know it was entirely conscious and that he never tried to have NC with OW. He wrote to her immediately after the NC email I imposed on him to apologise, he set up a secret email account, he was having sex with her daily, he discussed our sex life and our attempts to reconstruct our marriage with her and he outlined that the best way to establish a good relationship between OW and his daughters was for them to believe that the marriage was over long before she came along.

I am deeply shocked by these discoveries and I know now that the relationship between them never stopped, contact was daily and that it is still going on even though he is still denying it to everyone including the girls. I haven't yet revealed to him what I know and it's tough going. Our court hearing was postponed to the 5th of May and I am looking forward to it so that there will be some clarity in my life.

I am staying with friends at the moment while WH has taken the girls to his parents house. I'll be going back home tomorrow and will have a couple of days to myself before they come back.

Thank you all for your help and support. I will be back in touch and keep you up to date with the process as it continues. I will be asking for main custody of the girls but I know that WH will be asking for shared custody. I'm not sure what the judge will decide but I know that OW's presence will scupper his plans once that comes out because the girls do not want to have anything to do with her.

All my best regards to you all.

Tully

tully,

So glad to hear and update from you.

Sorry about the new information, but it does explain your WS's actions a bit more. Very, very sad indeed.

Hope you are keeping healthy with all the stress.

How are your girls doing? Hope your in-laws are not saying bad things about you to the children. I know it must be worrisome.

Keep taking the high road Tully. Hopefully your new info will help you in your fight for what is right for you and daughters.

I hope you have documented all of this, it will help you.

Bless you and best wishes. You are WORTHY!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Greetings, Tully! So good to hear from you. I'm glad things are progressing, even if slowly.

And as hard as that information was to find, I'm thrilled that you did. It lets you place a high value on your sanity and intuition both. He was TRYING to make you think you were wrong...crazy...and now you can know that you were fully in possession of all your marbles, for sure.

Keep leaning on God through this - He will make a way.

Welcome back, Tully:

Turn up your ear trumpet for this (listen carefully):
You did good.

It was a horror when your WH took the kids to back to France, and your MIL sounds like a rotten feta, I know... but it sounds like it all is working out in your best intrest.

At least you know the truth, and you have proof (btw- does any web log or information key logged off a WSs' computer mean anything in court?-- what does your attorney say?)

As painfull as this is, you have to know that your gut reactions to this situation were right on. Trusting your instincts is very hard to do. I remenber all along you had these suspicions, and lo and behold...

Please keep us informed about your situation, there are quite a few people here who are pulling for you and the little ones-.

Last comment for the day. Do all WS read the same, darn book? How do we get an advance copy? Can we sue the publisher?

Thanks for the update tully. I'm sorry for the pain you have suffered but am very glad you know the truth about WH's continued deception and hope you can find some relief in knowing that your instincts were correct.

Still keeping you in my prayers.

Tully, is there anyone there in France you can HIRE to help you build a paper trail? Someone besides a lawyer, in addition to your lawyer? I am really scared that, once you get in court - a FRENCH court - he will walk all over you and the kids will be living with him.

Tully,
Thank you for posting this update. You know you have lots of people who are concerned for you and your well-being, and that of your children too of course.

Please "lawyer up" as much as you possibly can on this.

I am so glad you updated, but am very sorry that your wh has chosen this very destructive path for himself.

Shore up your defenses, and make certain your little ones are safe. You are highly regarded, and often thought of.

All my love,
Kimmy

Miss M, Neak, barbiecat, B-R, catperson, turtlehead, Dealan-de, thank you all for replying. This forum has been a wonderful source of support and guidance for me and thank you all for that.
Despite my failure, I think your advice about exposure, going to Plan B etc was spot-on. The good thing is that I can feel positive about myself, that I did my best to save my M and that I tried every avenue. But it's not possible to make someone do something that they don't want to do.

I greatly appreciate all the heartfelt advice I've received here and I think it helped me hugely to tread that difficult path between willingness to forgive and maintaining self-respect (hope I'm making sense there) but I would like to encourage anyone to continue to believe in the MB principles even if they don't end up giving the desired initial result because I think it's easier to turn the page knowing that you have done your best.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to be the 'strong parent' and be there for my children no matter what happens. I need to try to not be angry with WH and, for my children's sake, look to the future with confidence and optimism rather than look towards the past with anger and resentment. (Easier said than done!) This will be much easier once a legal agreement is in place.
I've just come back from a few days spent with good friends. Some years ago they discovered that their son had leukemia (he's completely recovered now) and as they said the hardest thing to deal with is the uncertainty of 'before'. Once you reach the rock bottom of certainty, no matter how low, the only way out is up. I've reached rock bottom but at least it's solid ground. I agree that WH has chosen a destructive path but it's consistent with the MB theory of addiction. He is only interested in his next 'fix' and has not considered the longer term negative impact on the children, himself or even on the OW. Him losing his head makes me keeping mine all the more essential for the children.

Thanks again, Tully xxx

Very well said Tully!!

Best to know what you are dealing with. I was in the same situation not knowing for many years about the invisible elephant who took up residence in the lounge room of my life.

I really wish I had had the benefit of your reality check.

GOOD LUCK

Tully, I am sorry to hear this news but I am so glad to hear from you

You just reminded me of this song my children and I sang when they were little:

Be strong and be brave
Banish fear and doubt
For the promise of your God
Is to bless your coming in
And to bless your going out.

Wow, Tully I don't know your story, but I have to tell you what an amazing woman you are and the strength and forgivness and spirit of G-d in you.

You are truly a gift to how to walk through this.

WHOSE failure ??? Not yours, my dear. You didn't fail to save your marriage - HE did!!!

You've handled this whole thing well from start to finish. Minor mistakes, and we all made them, do not a "your failure" make.

He owns every shred of failure and unpleasant consequence, and you own the fabulous success that you are.

4 U

>Minor mistakes, and we all made them, do not a "your failure" make.

Thank you Neak!

As usual, you are SPOT ON!

Bump. Just wondering how it all went...