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Joined: Dec 2006
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rwinger Offline OP
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My mum died of cancer two weeks ago. Not much to say - just working the emotions out. Losing one's mother is a terrible experience. We only have one and she always believed in her children - she was our biggest fan.

The cancer took over 5 yrs to finally claim her life. Doctors had claimed she was cured last fall and then it came back with a raging fierceness at her throat. Like a noose. Took care of her with my dad and siblings dring her last two weeks at home. Not much different than when I was a baby. It was my gift to the woman who brought me life.

Its a sad shame because my oldest son who works for pharm company is getting married this year, youngest son is graduating with Bio Chem degree (3.9) this year and my teenage dtr will have a baby girl in two weeks in which we will have to raise. She was excited about all the events this year was going to bring.

Life is full of ups and downs - celebrating a life that happened and a new life that will come all in one month.

One of her last statements to me is that she thought I was a great father, was proud that her son has done well in difficult situations and how my kids respected their parents. That was the best compliment a mother can give her son.


Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
Joined: Dec 2006
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I am sooooo sorry for your loss. No words can express.

Quote
One of her last statements to me is that she thought I was a great father, was proud that her son has done well in difficult situations and how my kids respected their parents. That was the best compliment a mother can give her son.

What a testament to the kind of man and son you are.

(((Rwinger)))


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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rwinger Offline OP
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Thanks PM

Mothers teach their children many things during their lifetimes.

-Tie your shoes
-Clean properly
-Do homework
-My mom hates weak handshakes from men so she made sure her sons knew how to handshake firm and look some one in the eye.
-How to fight - I recall getting my butt kicked in grammar school and she being the tough Irish lady - when I got home with a black eye - she sd when you stop crying, pick yourself up and go out there and kick his a$$ today.
-My dad is retired now but was in the NHL for several decades starting as a player and is well known. My mother would always say "never bask in the reflected glory of others." You must find our own destiny and never expect to ride off his coat tails.
-Even in her later years - she taught us kids and her grandkids to fight the cancer head on with humor. She used to say the good thing about the wig - never had to worry about her hair - just put it on and go out.
-And finaly when she told the doctor at the last visit that she wants to stop the chemo - 5 yrs of battle was enough. She taught us how to die and enjoy the final weeks. A week before her death - she was sitting around the pool at the Fla home with a cold beer and puffing on my dad's cigar. She was a character and could write a book her antics.


Me:52
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Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Rwinger, my condolences on your loss. I can't imagine lossing my mother. Rather, I think I refuse to imagine losing my mother. My prayers are with you during this difficult time.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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Condolences on your loss... my mom is alive, but adrift and gone to me. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a mom that loved me, and lose that.

And Greengables... widowed after 3 weeks of marriage? My G-d, how sad frown

(((hugs))) to all


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
M 2000
Child, 5.5 yrs

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WR, it is sad, but I just try to remember the awesome three years I knew my husband. I learned then what a good romantic relationship was like. I learned how a man treats a woman when he respects her and treats her as an equal.

I don't know what Rwinger feels, but I feel blessed to have had that. I'm also bless to have so many family members and friends who support me. I couldn't have done it alone.

I've also learned something. Sooner or later, all marriages end. They end in either divorce or death, and based on anecdotal evidence, only the good ones end in early deaths. We all have to make the most of what time we have, and also make sure we are strong individuals as well as a strong member of a marriage.

RW, has your dad doing? The hardest thing I find about being widowed is needing Mike to help me through the loss. I've had half my life ripped apart, and naturally I turn to my rock. Only, shoot, it was my rock that got ripped out from underneath me. I've found that other widows nad widowers have been a great comfort because they understand that feeling of being completely uprooted and blown by the wind. I also think this feeling is probably much great for people who had been married longer than I have.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
Joined: Dec 2006
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rwinger Offline OP
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They were married for 50 yrs so he is struggling especially in the nights. They liked to talk in the evenings over a bottle of wine into the wee hours - I can remember that as far back as when I was a child. Family were shuttling back and forth for last couple of months so this last week was especially hard. He keeps himself busy with many tasks to do.

even though my dad was the breadwinner - my mom handled the books, investments and taxes. He is still hunting down all the information required to keep the household functioning. We (and my mom) thought there would be plenty of time but her voice went away and communication was tough in the last week.

She quietly passed away in her own bed and we realized it during a late night medicine round.

Again I think the loneliness and the realization may be just settling in. You know - my wife was a good dil in this ordeal and I think she had the epiphany of how important "family" is in the large scheme of things. Her family was bit different than mine and they are not as close in this regard. For a week - my wife was the only the female around so she stepped in when necessary.

And finally my dad was pro athlete and was in the spotlight. My mother on the other hand was private but admired her husband all those years. Good times or bad - she made sure the home was sheltered from these storms and from others.


Me:52
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Married: 32 yrs
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I am very sorry to read the news. I am glad that your mother could go peacefully.

Cancer is a nasty disease. My daughter's grandfather has lung cancer. He and his wife have been married about 64 years. He is her inspiration for training for a half marathon. We are running with Gilda's Gang, a group from our local Gilda's Club. If there is a Gilda's Club in your area, you might wish to contact it. They provide free emotional and social support to patients, friends, and family members whose lives are affected by cancer. They serve children and adults. (The children's program is called 'Noogieland' after the noogies Bill Murray and Gilda Radner used to give each other on Saturday Night Live.)

Again, my deepest condolences to you and to your family.

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Sorry for your loss rwinger.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt

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