Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Lie2me #2235920 03/27/09 04:16 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
L
Lie2me Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
It's my house so I am going to air some dirty laundry.

How would you react to your DD asking asking why she and her sister look so differant, why does her sister look more like me than she does, or this one
Quote
why do DD 8 and I have different color hair? we both have the same parents right?


I could realy use some input on this.


Me BS (41)
DD 10
DD 8
WW - The big D
"Don't say sorry, just don't do it again"
Lie2me #2235922 03/27/09 04:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
Alan, you are such a good dad!

We're at the other end of this. My recently married DD is trying to become pregnant. Our phone conversations involve a lot of talk about ovulation and periods. lol. My H sometimes overhears my end of the conversation and walks away with his fingers in his ears going "la la la can't HEAR you."

Lie2me #2235923 03/27/09 04:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 107
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 107
Originally Posted by Lie2me
If you guys keep going I may not need a book.

Gettin lots of information here.

Should I worry about miss information from the WW?

Or is that just a stupid thought on my part?

you can worry about projection and tainted by her experiences or her place of mind right now....just like every woman on here's experiences influence some information, WW will too.

also, depending on the WW and how she is, the influence of needing personal life validation from a man can be passed on. I don't know your whole story - maybe WW is moving on to a new relationship and other than the horrible nature of that, it's seemingly drama free, or on the other end of the spectrum does she need validation as a person through a man?

you know--gloria steinam "a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle" - teach girls while relationships are very fulfilling and wonderful, a man is not necessary to make you whole.

I'm not one to cast stones, but just a thought.


thanks,
cohosalmon
WW(me)-34
BS-34
married 2003
DS(WW's M-1)-14
DD-4
DS-3
Lie2me #2235924 03/27/09 04:18 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
She will ALWAYS be your baby Alan.

Just like my 19 year old, hairy-legged-lanky-almost-a-real-man son will always be MY baby.

I can't look at him sometimes without seeing that towheaded toddler.

WOW, LD!

Great info. I try to be opened minded about many things, but I am super careful about most things my family ingests.

Are you saying that if I specifically go out to buy meats and dairy that advertise they are hormone free, I could be wasting my $$. Cos let me tell you, organic and hormone free items are freaking KILLING me at the grocery. I love supporting it...but geez! And to feed a family of 6 full time is just about breaking the bank.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Dealan-de #2235925 03/27/09 04:19 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
And lets not get me started on "recycled" toilet paper.

I had to get over ENORMOUS hurdles to even pick the package up.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Dealan-de #2235927 03/27/09 04:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
When I told my DD to just "relax and enjoy herself" my H nearly had a conniption fit. "That's my LITTLE GIRL you are talking to"

Dealan-de #2235929 03/27/09 04:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
Oh, and depending on your WW's education level, I WOULD worry about mis-information.

You should HEAR some of the half baked crap VD spews to the kids.

OI!

Should be par for the course, tho...any woman who can't figure out her own menses and basic biology...


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Dealan-de #2235931 03/27/09 04:23 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
L
Lie2me Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
My WW never finished high school, I just found that out last year.

Did anyone notice the question about DD and her hair color?


Me BS (41)
DD 10
DD 8
WW - The big D
"Don't say sorry, just don't do it again"
Lie2me #2235933 03/27/09 04:25 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 107
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 107
Originally Posted by Lie2me
It's my house so I am going to air some dirty laundry.

How would you react to your DD asking asking why she and her sister look so differant, why does her sister look more like me than she does, or this one
Quote
why do DD 8 and I have different color hair? we both have the same parents right?


I could realy use some input on this.

that's basic genetics. that's an easy one. blonde hair - one blonde gene came from both parents and in the miracle of that sperm and that egg coming together and all of the possible mixes that could occur, that is what happened. brown hair - either one blonde gene and one brunette, or 2 brunette genes came together and brunette is a dominant gene so it was going to win no matter what.

now....if you have a brown haired daughter and both parents are blonde...you're going to have to tell her the truth some day. it's not impossible, but it's so extremely rare.

blue eyes/brown eyes. 23 chromosomes come from each parent to make the 46 that your daughter is. they can combine in millions of combinations - that is why it is impossible to have identical children without having twins that were from a split egg - splitting the exact same combined chromosomes.

sex cells are the only cells in the body with 23 chromosomes - every other cell contains all 46 that make you, you. they multiply differently too, but that's another tangent.

if she were just like her sister, she wouldn't be her own little miracle.


thanks,
cohosalmon
WW(me)-34
BS-34
married 2003
DS(WW's M-1)-14
DD-4
DS-3
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
Alan, if they're biological sisters it's no problem. I can't remember if they are or not.

Lie2me #2235936 03/27/09 04:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 107
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 107
Originally Posted by Lie2me
My WW never finished high school, I just found that out last year.

Did anyone notice the question about DD and her hair color?

with hair, and eye color the best thing to do is to draw up a grid with 4 boxes. put mom's hair or eye color on top of one box on top, and one box on the left, put dad's on one on top and one on the left. in the boxes, make the various combinations of genes. the first box, if using eye colors blue and brown, will have Blue/Brown, the next one to the right will have Brown/Brown, second row is Blue/Blue, last is Brown/Blue. with the idea that blue is recessive and these are the (very simplified) combinations of eye color genes, which combination did DD have to have to get the eye color she has. This is the same basic application for all genes.

if you want, I can draw it and post it on the web.


thanks,
cohosalmon
WW(me)-34
BS-34
married 2003
DS(WW's M-1)-14
DD-4
DS-3
KiwiJ #2235940 03/27/09 04:37 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
L
Lie2me Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
Same mother WW

Different Dad's

One red head, one dark dark brown hair.


Me BS (41)
DD 10
DD 8
WW - The big D
"Don't say sorry, just don't do it again"
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,637
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,637
I had 3 siblings growing up. We all looked very different as children- 2 dark brunettes, one with green eyes, one with brown, both darker skinned. One fair, freckled, blue-eyed redhead, and one pale, grey-eyed blonde. Some with thick hair, some thin. Different body shapes.
As adults, we all looked very, very alike. Our facial features and even eyes came to be more alike than different.
We married men who could have been brothers, they looked so much alike.
Our kids, and our cousins' kids. could all be identified as "family" from the back-- similar posture and gait.
My sons and my H walk and carry themselves very much alike, even though DS25 is short and slender, CHewie is tall and medium build, and DS15 is growing into tall and medium-stocky, and has a marked gait problem due to his disabilities. It is shocking to see them together if you know them separately.
Now, if your girls are not full-blood sisters, you probably need to find a way to tell them the truth about that; but if they are, just tell them that each child gets parts of each parent, and that sometimes they get things from grandparents and before that skipped the parents! It will all even out later.


Chrysalis
Chrysalis #2235950 03/27/09 04:44 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
L
Lie2me Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
I did not father both of the people I call my DD's.

Everyday the look less and less alike, at this point I have used the you get some from mom, some from dad, you can get some from grandparents.

I am trying to avoid the question at this point as I don't know if DD 10 would want or be able to deal with the truth with all she is going through at this time.


Me BS (41)
DD 10
DD 8
WW - The big D
"Don't say sorry, just don't do it again"
Lie2me #2235956 03/27/09 04:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
That's what I thought - I thought they were stepsisters.

Hmmmmm, it's probably something they should have grown up with so that it's always something they've known but it's passed that time now.

Alan, this is a very serious question and will have long term impact on your DD's when they find out - and they will find out. I don't think we are qualified on how to advise you. I really think you should ask a qualified child therapist.

KiwiJ #2235962 03/27/09 04:55 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
L
Lie2me Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
I have an appontment on Monday so I will ask then and see what she say's.

Anyway the kids are gone tonight so I hope they have fun with WW, I miss them already.

I am off to Petland with a friend in a bit to look at some Cavies!

I think they would love to come home to some new friends as the old cat seems to be getting tired of being stuffed in a stroller as DD 8 pushes him around the house like a baby.

I wish you could see pictures, it's amazing how long he will stay in the stroller as she plays her game.

Good cat.


Me BS (41)
DD 10
DD 8
WW - The big D
"Don't say sorry, just don't do it again"
Lie2me #2235970 03/27/09 05:01 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
Cavies are gorgeous. They do "sing", just like Dealan said.

Oh, your poor cat lol.

KiwiJ #2235972 03/27/09 05:07 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,593
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,593
ack....guinea pig.....my son has asked for that and a hamster and I said NO.......i worked in the pet industry and the veterinary industries for a long time....i won't have them in the house.....and we can't have ferrets in CA...(stupid laws) or I would have one again....love the little buggers.... But now we have 2 cats....a Bengal (she is a love) and our brand new kitten I brought back from L.A. when I went to see hope and T2L and fams....I got a Toyger kitten......she is so cute but really REALLY mischevious.

SIHW #2235980 03/27/09 05:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
L
Lie2me Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 184
Yes a Guinea pig... We had a hamster, her name was Goldie, I gotta tell you she was great.

She would stay up all night while I was on MB. She would review my posts, grab me a beer when I needed one, play poker with me when I was lonely. She often wrote my posts while I had a nap. Great hamster!

She died about 2 1/2 years ago and we miss her much.

We have cats (2) and a whack of fish and always looking for a new addition to the family.


Me BS (41)
DD 10
DD 8
WW - The big D
"Don't say sorry, just don't do it again"
Lie2me #2235998 03/27/09 05:41 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 107
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 107
well, yeah, ask the therapist, but I'm going to guess s/he is going to say what this entire website says...honesty is the best policy. kids are so much stronger than you think if you do it right.

I love the idea of a hamster playing poker with me and writing my posts for me. do they do windows?


thanks,
cohosalmon
WW(me)-34
BS-34
married 2003
DS(WW's M-1)-14
DD-4
DS-3
Page 5 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,071 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5