Which of the Harley books has a list of EP's? My FWH is writing his list and would like to see someone else's to make sure he is covering all possiblities. We have His Needs, Her Needs and Love Busters, but Surviving an Affair has not arrived yet.

There's not a list of EPs in any of the books other than a NC letter and some basic EPs in SAA. The Harley's work on these during coaching sessions. Here's what my husband (tst) came up with while working with Jennifer.


Extraordinary Precautions:

a) I am responsible to protect my wife at all times.
b) I will give full access of all my business records to my wife.
c) I will agree to give all passwords, account codes business and personal to my wife.
d) I will not put myself in an advice giver role with another woman, unless my wife is present and has given her prior approval.
e) I will defer to my wife as the advice giver when it involves another woman, unless she specifically calls on me.
f) I will not spend any time with another woman that my wife is not present.
g) I will allow only my wife to hear my problems or concerns.
h) I will not share my infirmities with another woman.
i) I will allow my wife to be my exclusive care giver, unless she specifically calls on someone else to help her.
j) I will defer to my wife in all matters of charity and outreach, with her being the sole point of contact when caring for women.
k) I will not teach martial arts to another woman without my wife being present and having enthusiastic agreement about such training in advance.
l) I will openly share my daily business schedule with my wife.
m) At any time she requests, I will trade cell phones with my wife for the time she deems necessary.
n) I will allow only men to provide essential care, such as Doctors appointments, hair cuts, massages, individual counseling, etc.
o) I will always defer to my wife regarding any outside activity and will agree to eliminate any activity she feels is interfering in our relationship or the relationships of our children.
p) I will not travel out of town for business or personal reasons without the company of my wife.

[quote=sexymamabear]There's not a list of EPs in any of the books other than a NC letter and some basic EPs in SAA. The Harley's work on these during coaching sessions. Here's what my husband (tst) came up with while working with Jennifer.

Sexymamabear,
Thanks for sharing your H's list. It is one that I had seen on forum posts, but I couldn't remember how to get to it. I had my first phone counseling with Steve Harley on Thursday, and he mentioned the EP's, which I was vaguely familiar with. After having read Pepperband's old post on the mind of the wayward, my husband sat down and typed out a letter to me trying to outline the progression and reasoning (or lack of it) for the affair. It was as good for him as for me because he forced himself to try to sort out and catalog the progressive steps in his EA and PA. Despite the fact that he had "fully" confessed "all" by 5 1/2 weeks after D-day, I had questioned him incessantly about how it could have ever begun. His "just a step at a time" and "I wish I knew" did not satisfy me. As he typed, I walked by the study a couple of times to see him in agony as he got into his own mind to try and discover the "why" that Steve Harley told me was so important in his forgiving himself for the betrayal. He has not yet been able to forgive himself, but he did immediately recognize a couple of his vulnerabilities--again things that Steve said he had to do. After making a list of EPs which--I have not yet seen--he told me he would like to see someone else's list so that he could make sure he was on the right track.

Having followed several other threads where BS's several months after DDay are still struggling to get transparency, I count myself lucky (now, that's irony) to have a husband whose single goal in life is to make me feel secure again.

Thanks again, SMB, for sharing.