Cinder,

Unfortunately, it's the other way around. He's kicking my butt and I'm clearly the one going to lose in this thing. Especially if the judge doesn't allow me to either take money from the joint acct or use my retirement account to pay bills. At that point, I'm done. All of my credit sources are dried up, there's no cash to take from the business this month, and I have no "job" or other source of income. He's really putting me through the shredder big time.

Chai, that's how it looks to you. But, that is what we want to see. We are hear cheering you on. We want to see him beaten and sore. I was hoping the thought of getting to whop him vigorously with a large stick would cheer you.

My mistake....sort of.

Chai, I'm gonna pray harder. You know we care. Man, if I had it, I would come spend a gazillion dollars at the shop. I could do it, too. For real. :crosseyedcrazy:

I do hope your judge is merciful and won't let stoopit-idjit-jerkface-wh get by with these shenanigans.

I'll pray for you, Chai. In fact, I'll do better, I live next door to a pastor and I'll hand him a slip of paper with your "name" (Chai :P ) on it and tell him to get the church to pray for you.

(I have work this Sunday unfortunately!)

Thanks Karma. I think I might have to find a new atty. I have the name of someone to call. Mine just isn't getting the job done, and fees are looking at 10K right now with nothing to show for it. And, I don't see an end in sight. I just can't afford to keep letting this thing go at a snail's pace. WH's atty is eating mine alive and he isn't protesting at all. Seems he doesn't care if he loses the case or not.

Chai -

Catching up on your thread. A couple of suggestions (for whatever they are worth):

1) File your taxes ASAP, since you already know you're going to file separately. File electronic if you're eligible and get back any $$ directly into an account that is yours and only yours. Right now the IRS is running about 10 days from when they receive a the filing, to refund.

2) Go see the attorney you have a referral to, and explain the sitch. It's important to feel you have your attorney in your corner - tell him/her that. Let him/her know you'll get back to him/her.

At the same time, call or email your attorney - or write him a letter; I just did that and it certainly got my attorney's attention (because normally I'll just email or call) and tell him that you are dissatisfied, that you need him in your corner, that you want to know how he sees the case and what his strategy is to win it for you. Let him know that if you don't get that ASAP you're going to have to make other arrangements.

Then pull the trigger if he doesn't respond.

3) If he does respond, ask him how to make the judge completely aware of the fact that you are providing support for ChaiBaby and that WH won't lift a finger. Ask for emergency access to that joint account and agree to whatever monitoring the judge thinks appropriate - or better, make a motion for emergency spousal support - on the grounds that if you are unable to support the baby, the baby is going to end up with Child Protective Services. (I have no idea if that's true or not but it seems like a halfway realistic scenario.)

These are only suggestions - don't know what all is possible - and obviously you'll do only what you feel comfortable with. But I'm thinking that taking action of some sort will make you feel better - my sense was (from reading your posts) that you're feeling like events are carrying you along without recourse - and I wonder if taking action may help you feel more empowered.

- M

Mirium,

Thanks for the suggestions. I am filing my taxes, however I owe due to a withdrawal on my 401K last year which I used to move my business. I held the money aside, knowing that I would owe it. Due to business loses though, I didn't owe as much as I thought. Doesn't matter though, because the rest goes to the attorney.

I do plan on talking to another atty on Monday. I really need to get a second opinion on this. She is supposed to be a bull dog, which I really didn't want, but I now feel backed into a corner. I had so hoped that this wouldn't get ugly, but I guess they always do, huh????

Our hearing in December was for emergency support since I knew that my business would be down starting this month. The judge continued until March because WH accused me of hiding money. In March, it was continued 90 days because WH accused me of forgery. This is why my atty now has to ask the judge for emergency permission for me to get to my funds. WH has not had to pay me at all due to the silly accusations. I did ask my atty to tell the judge that I am caring for chaibaby, and if I lose my car I won't be able to take him to the doctor etc.

I guess I could write a letter to him, but I'm more of a face-to-face kind of person. If the new atty feels that she can do more, I will probably switch. My guy is just letting WH's atty walk all over him, and at $295/hr I am not getting the representation that I need. Almost 10K so far and nothing.

I thought I would wait until Tuesday to see if he gets permission from the judge for me to pay my bills. If he does, I may stick with him. If not, I have to do something else. It amazes me that I cannot use the money that I have worked so hard for all of my life. I now realize that WH is going for ruin. The level of hostility coming from him is just mind boggling.

I just read Queenie's thread and realized that we have the same situation going on. Like Queenie, I'm not looking for sympathy, just posting as part of my journey.

I've done so well lately. WH has been so hostile and I just haven't been able to figure out why. I mean, this man actually hates my guts. He's out to do nothing less than destroy me for some reason.

Today I picked up DD and grandchai from rehab. She told me that her dad was in town and wanted to see her and the baby. He has only seen chaibaby once - the day he was born. WH said that he would meet her at Fridays. She asked me to drop her off at Fridays and pick her up later.

She was going to ask her dad to take her shopping, but I have the base of the car seat in my car, and it is such a pain to get in and out, so she decided not to take it. She said that she would just sit at Fridays and wait for me to pick her up there. She gave me strict instructions NOT to come BEFORE 3:30pm because WH said that if he ran into me, he would never speak to her again. That's nice, isn't it?

So I dropped her off, did some grocery shopping and came back at 3:25pm. I figured WH would have left much earlier to ensure that he didn't see me. When I entered the lot I didn't see his car so I drove up to the door but didn't see DD. I drove around again, came back to the door, but nothing. Off in the distance I see WH's car driving through the lot. He sees me, so he stopped way out in the lot. DD gets out of his car and runs across the lot to tell me to go drive around for a few minutes. I guess I looked pi$$ed, so she said just to go sit at the other end of the lot. OK, so I drive all the way to the other end and sit so that he can drop her off at the door.

After about 5 minutes, I see WH's car coming down the aisle. I pretended to be reading so as to avoid looking at him. He pulled in beside me (opposite direction) until the front of his car was past the back of mine. That way, neither one of us could see each other because the space between the doors was in the line of sight. DD runs over and said that he didn't understand what was so hard about the car seat, so he went to KMart and bought one of his own. She said he had trouble getting it installed in his car.

Anyway, she said WH decided just to drive over to my car because he bought lots of things for chaibaby, and it was just easier to drive over. DD loaded up my car with all of the stuff, and as we drove off I suddenly broke into tears.

Not sure what my problem is. I'm confused over the hostility, sad for the loss of my family, my marriage, my spouse, my savings, and on and on. It's amazing how one little encounter can pull the rug out from under you. Like you Queenie, I just want my love bank to go negative so that I don't have to go through this. Reality tells me that it never will though. I just don't think you can ever lose feelings for someone that you've known all of your life. Someone that you consider your family. Someone that you share a child and grandchild with.

I think I'll just do a Believer ceremony tonight - fill the tub, get a glass of wine, a box of tissues, and just let 'er rip. It's been a while, so maybe the ol' tear ducts just need to be flushed.

How long does it take to finally accept that your M is over? I thought I was there, but evidently I haven't fully accepted it yet.

This too shall pass......

Hey Chai-

When I read this, my first thought was "what is he-in high school?"

Good night nurse! (My mom's most severe cuss phrase-pretty sure it'll make it past the censor).

As Bugs Bunny would say "what a maroon!"

Hey JT,

I know what you mean. The hostility seems so immature. Not sure what I did to cause so much hatred in him.

I think what you "did" is exist. If you didn't exist, then he wouldn't feel so terrible about what he is doing now. Therefore, you are the cause of his guilt; therefore you are the target of his (misplaced) anger.

If he really did examine any of his actions, he would have to face that he is acting deplorably and is a mere shadow of the man he is masquerading as right now. So, again, it has to be your fault.

I'm sure my mom has a choice phrase for a guy like him, but being the woman she is, she has never shared that phrase with me. (79-years young and raised in Iowa).

BTW, her other cuss phrase is "shoot the dog". But, if she brings out the nurse-well, that's her efff word!
(She's a kick, very much like Rose from the Golden Girls).

It looks like since he sees that your DD is improving, he might try to bring her over to his side.

An "enemy" that is alone is easier to "kill" after all.

It's not you. He has to blame someone for his [censored] mistakes, that's all. He's an [censored].

And as far as knowing him almost all your life...I had to struggle with that, too, we weren't married as long as you but 15 years is a long time.

I don't view it as a waste of all that time...we had good times and bad times and weathered a lot of storms together.

A wise friend once told me this..."He was in your life for a long time and now that time is over. He served the purpose in your life that he was supposed to serve. Now it's time to go down the path with someone else."

Words to that effect...I can't convey it as well as he did but he was right. I felt a lot better about things after that and it became a lot easier to detach and purge Gray from my soul. Of course him being a total jerkwad, [censored]-headed [censored] helped, too, LOL!!

Charlotte

Not if you're the Terminator.

OK, somebody better explain something to me....I'm confused. How could all 3 of us....living in far flung places, have been married to the same idgit poopy-headed male????????

Ding, ding, ding.

He's such a pathetic loser, Chai. Reading about what he's done lately makes me ill.

Keep walking the high road. You will prevail and move on to better things (and people).

Thinking about you. I hope things are going better for you today.

Oh, I'm sure it was my WH. Seems in his travel job he became fond of telling potential AP's that he was divorced and then moving in with them. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if I found out that he had wives in other states. Does that mean all three of us are related by marriage?

Karma, to some extent I think you are right. The weekend before, Dd called him and was telling him that she was at my place and that we were cooking a gourmet dinner. She said he got really nasty with her. Seemed to me he was a little jealous.

I hear what you are saying Char. I think with me, it's my age and length of the marriage that makes moving on so difficult. When I should be ready for retirement, I find myself starting over. UGH

SD, good to see you back on the board.

Barbie, doing a little better today. Yesterday was a reminder of why we need to be DARK in Plan B.

Thanks for the support. I will get through this.

Well, spoke with the new atty and she is a very confident, pit bull. I'm meeting with her this week. Will probably hire her. She thinks this has gone on way too long and that I need to get aggressive. Didn't want it to get to this, but WH has backed me into a corner. I hate the thought that I have paid over $10K and have gotten nothing, but if she gets the job done she may save me money in the long run.

CL, I think johnstwin is correct. The hostility has nothing to do with who you are or what you are...it is all about HIM. If he doesn't "hate" you, he will have to hate himself. I guess, cuz I don't know you whole history, but he was a decent man prior to this? During the worst of his affairs, my H was cruel to me. He cannot even believe the things I tell him he said to me back then.

I don't understand why affairs bring out the immature idiots in waywards. ((CL))

Be sure you are asking for legal fees!




BTW, Chai, I have decided we all need to be praying....for you...for daughter...for Chaibaby..................and for your wh.

Yeah, it sounds crazy. But maybe we need for him to find some resolution for the personal inner struggles he must be dealing with. That he will find some sort of peace that will lead to a cessation of the hostilities and that the entire matter can be resolved soon.

Praying for 'the enemy' is hard. But, when I started doing that myself, I found more peace within myself and was better able to cope with everything.