It is my view that the current economic recession that is most likely to turn into a decade long depression will actually severely lessen the number of A’s in the US. The reason I believe this to be true is that most WSs are sitting around, thinking of what all they are missing in their life. When you are worried about just feeding your family, you have no time for worrying about what emotional needs aren’t being met.(Moslow’s Hierarchy of Needs) I would also venture a guess that BS will be much more likely to go to plan FU as they are worried more about the collapse then taking YEARS to mend a broken marriage. Its just too hard to handle on top of all the economic chaos that will be going on in their lives. In a way, I think the economic crisis as it deepens, will actually allow BS to move passed the hurt of the As more easily. The pain that is coming as the US is thrust into a 3rd world banana republic will put an A in perspective. Yeah, it hurts, but it ain’t starving…May there be plenty of WWs and OP in the breadlines to come. Just my thoughts..Dude

Dude - I don't know what will happen with the economy, but it amazes me that there continue to be so many WS's moving out and setting up two households. And there are several quitting their jobs to conduct their affairs, and many taking chances with their jobs by having a work partner affair. YIKES!

Families and kids are losing their homes, and it doesn't seem to even put a dent in the affair. It is frightening to me, almost like these WS's don't even realize we are in a recession.

I have been proactive in protecting myself economically. I have no debts, don't use credit cards, have cut down on non-essentials, and saved money for a cushion.

My ex and his exOW have each taken a huge drop in their financial situation, and general happiness. I think that will start happening to more and more of the affairees.

For me when D comes I will be ok with $. I am gonna save almost a whole point on my mortgage, losing half our debt, my job is ok to good so far.

WW on the other hand.......decent job.....not great $......will have to pay her own insurance (mine is free)......half the debt......her car payment ($490)......not what she thought in equity or my annuity.....and she may have to pay me CS!

It probably will not have any effect on current affairs, but possibly starting new ones as the WS may not be able to "sneak" money to spend on dates or whatever with the OP

I don't know....... Maybe living in California is the worst case scenario - the average home a couple years ago was around $500,000. but now may only be worth $400,000. So many are upside down on their mortgage, or at least have no equity. Then a divorcing couple need to pay for two households, child support, spousal support, cost of attorneys (which is approaching $20,000 each if you fight it out), cost of refinancing or selling the home, or even foreclosure.

Also stocks have lost value, retirement accounts have lost value.

It is just mind-boggling to me how so many can continue their affair, especially considering that fact that 97% don't end happily.

Most of them are complete, selfish fools...They trash their reputations, families,morals, vows, and their entire lives. I've seen it time and time again and I will NEVER understand it. Then, they are HURT when the retaliation/mass exposure comes on like a mad dog. Oh well, its a great lesson for the extended family/friends on WHAT NOT TO DO AT ALL COSTS...DUDE

I don't think there is even one affairee out there who believes they are in the 97%. They all believe that they are in the 3% that make it. Their's is different somehow.

Not sure if there would be any affect on the affairees. But I can see where a BS could be relunctant to end the M or implement a Plan B because of the financial situation. More and more BS will succumb to just living with a spouse in an active affair in order to protect the family net worth.

During financial hardships - I can see where the WS will be able to cake eat longer and slowly eat away the family net worth - this is the ultimate in selfishness.

Well, of course they don't think about family hardships, but it is so hard to wrap my mind around that. You would think when your kids are losing their home (like several cases here) that you would WAKE UP.

And yes, they always think they will be in the "lucky" 3%. But 75% of those end up not making it.

I still think that most BS's should see an attorney EARLY and get child support lined up. When I read about WS's that have 3 or 4 children, I'm always wondering how they think they are going to make it after child support kicks in. But many BS's are afraid to rock the boat.

My WH is going full speed ahead with the D. I don't think he cares that it is wiping out our retirement. He made a comment to DD that he was retiring to Arizona when this is over. I'd like to know what he is retiring with because the D has pretty much wiped out all of our savings and now is threatening our retirement accounts (which have dropped in value by 60%).

Somehow, I don't think waywards are thinking of the consequences.

Dude007,

Frankly the first time I read your story the thing that sprung to mind was what a moron your wife was purely from an income standpoint. Same thing with Mike_C2/PSUBIKER, all apparently treated their wives fairly well into the bargain. I suppose their Mothers-in laws never told their wives "you can't live on love" as my aunt used to say.

I think generally people in America lost sight of how good they had it and assumed it was forever.

My psyche was formed from the stories of depression era elder who instilled that a good job and family unity was needed to withstand the harsh outside world.

NJ

NJ

Here's my #s for myself and WW.....

Me net....$4500 per month. My insurance is thru the union.
My bills....$3700....before refi/debt split.

WW.....$2600 net per month....let's assume I pay CS based on our 50/50 agreement..unlikey....$450. $3050.

$3050
-$200 for her insurance per month
-$480 car payment
-$150ish cell
-$150 for a credit card in her name
-$300 food
-$300 utilities
-$1100 rent
-$100 gas for car
-$150 pizza ice cream dinner out etc...

$2900...rough guess.....divorce sounds great eh?!

Carp - definately a loss of living standard. I suppose she will have to blame former Pres Bush for her new reality.

I guess the $450 in CS would be for bills to be paid to live her new lifestyle more so than provide the necessities of her children. Not much leeway.

I get nervous if I cant put at least some piece of my paycheck in a savings acct.

$300. a month for food??????? That seems very low.

Yeah, I hear ya! A few weeks ago I was picking up the kids, she gave me a harsh look and said out of the blue "I DO NOT NEED YOU!". I was like, ok, I didn't say you needed me, she then followed me out to the car and said again, "I DO NOT NEED YOU!!". This of course tells me, "SHE NEEDS ME!!", but I already knew that. You don't know what you have til it is GONE.

Dude

Ok ok. I spend between 100-150 per week depending on how much non-food stuff I have to buy.

$450 CS is only worst case.....she may get 0.....

Just wondering, because one of my highest bills is food/etc.

Dude,

gave me a harsh look and said out of the blue "I DO NOT NEED YOU!".

I guess nobody needs anyone in a sense, but where is her OM now? and why isn't he coming through with some money. Should have told her "No you don't need me but life would sure be sweeter that way, next time don't s**t where you eat!"

That's actually one of the things, before reading this site, which kept me loyal to my wife btw, I knew how expensive it is to goof up in life, VD is costly, pregnancy is costly, lawsuits are costly, lost productivity at work is costly, etc, etc.

NJ

I actually complained that canned veggies were more expensive at super wal mart then super target today to my cousins wife.......food is pretty high up the list. D9 can eat a whole big mac meal.

There might be even more As if anything. Money is usually the #1 stress creator in M. A BS will likely stay because of money when they otherwise would have wanted to leave unless the WS is just sucking them dry and the BS can make it on their own (perhaps with some help from family). If the couple does remain together due to finances, most probably put up a front for the children's sake while giving each other the finger in passing or ignore each other. It may be tough, but some times the situation is so bad nothing is worth staying for.

My friend if planning on filing for D soon. She makes more than her H and has more in retirement. The only upside to her losses in her retirement accounts is it's better to D now while the balance is low. She doesn't want to give him anything since he's never saved a dime of his own money so while she may have to pay him, the less the better.

Luckily, I have a good job that is relatively secure. However, when I was considering D I did give thought to quitting and just living off the CS/alimony H would have to pay. I was a mess and functioning at work was very hard. My family would have helped me if needed. During hard times, you find out who you can count on.