This is my first visit to the web site. We have been married for 9 years and are working pretty hard at recovering from this for a while.

By the way, my wife is stillstanding2.

Welcome!

Warm welcome C130, how are things going for you so far?

Whats the C130 stand for?

I was an aircraft mechanic in the Marines before I met my bw. We had a pretty good weekend together, only caught here crying once or twice.

Welcome to MB.

Have you read any of the MB books yet?

Working on the first one, but I have filled out a number of questionaires!

Welcome! So glad to see you posting...........

Come on, you know that the questionaires were fun.

I work for the Marine Corps (civilian though), so glad to meet you. To tell you the truth, I'm not very much up on your wife's thread. But it is good that you are posting here.

Don't let the questionaires scare you away. And hope you will soon feel comfortable here. It may be difficult at first, but I'm certain you will fit right in soon.

Me too, Retired 10 years ago and work with the Air Force. I met my current wife on my first assignment at in CA. The wife and I have moved 7 times in 10 years. We have been attached at the hip since then. We have been at the current location for 5 years and it has been a little rough the last couple of years.

The personal history questionaire really pissed me off, some of the questions were really out there. It should be the crazy, fiend, pedofile that may want to kill himself questionaire. The recreational activity one was very good, and we have selected some items that I was not aware she was up for, for upcoming activities.

bump

semper fi

and welcome

Hello, "bubba." (Seems more like a name than "c130." )

I had to laugh out loud when I read your comments about the personal history questionaire. My FWH said almost the same thing when we did it! Only thing I can figure is that Dr. Harley was trying to flush out the real fringes of society when he put that one together. I think some of those questions DO seem off the wall to "normal" people. The rest? Well, if the shoe fits, I guess they gotta wear it...

I've read your wife's thread and when she posted that you were here, I had to come find you. No doubt it feels strange to be here among anonymous strangers. They are really the most understanding, supportive people. Have been through what you are going through, from one side or the other,and really appreciate the pain on both sides.

It is so early for you. The suffering is severe. We know.

You are doing so many good things to let your wife know you want to put things right. You deserve credit for stepping up to the plate.

One important thing that remains, though, is for you to tell her everything. She is in the dark about things that have affected her life more than you can know. Does she not already know enough to have thrown in the towel? Yet she hasn't. She wants to forgive, but doesn't know exactly what she's forgiving.

She longs to trust you again. Please don't leave her in limbo with her tortured imaginings. Tell her the truth--all of it.

We BSs are tough. Really tough. We just need the truth, and then we can deal with it, digest it and move on. Your wife has told you as much.

The truth will set you both free.

No need to respond...please just think about this.


Right Here Waiting

sorry--duplicate post

Hi there, I've kept up with your wife's thread and she has been a good sounding board for me, supporting both me and my wife.

I'll give you the stern but straight talk first:

Your wife has gone through HE11. Waiting up at night, wondering where your spouse is... hoping it's nothing, not wanting to suspect... Hanging on your TRUST... There is nothing more horrendous. Then you find out your worst fears are true. Trust betrayed in the most basic way. And in the case of your wife and me, we had to find out for ourselves.

Whenever you're feeling angry, defensive, scrutinized, shamed, whatever it is, don't think for a minute to take it out on your wife. If you value the life you built with her, if you value the love you have, if you think it's worth saving - She has already put up with far more than any spouse should and she stuck around and just tried to be loving. She doesn’t deserve your anger. She doesn't deserve any of this. Remember it. You no longer deserve her. if you want her, you better earn it. Whenever you're just going to react, whenever you want to lash out at her, you're really just angry at yourself and you should reserve those feelings for yourself.

Make her better. Show her how grateful you are for her grace. Do the work. She's bent over backward to save this. Time to join her.

Mr. Wolf,
My wife is the best person that I know. We dated for three months before we got married. I still love her so very much. She has given up alot to travel around the country with me, a permanent home, seeing her 2 kids three times a week. I had to agree to buy plane tickets for all holidays and summers and any time one of the kids had any time off and wanted to come out. I gladly did it, her kids are the greatest and I love them like crazy.
To say that I have screwed up is the understatement of the century. I have been through the ringer the last couple of months. BS scheduled medical appointments for the both of us, which was so unpleasant, you would not believe. I had no idea there were that many STD's. The doctor asked if I would like to take "presumtive" meds. I thought of what my wife would want and told him yes, even though I used protection every time. Well, the largest syringe I've ever seen crippled me for three days, not to mention the 18 inch Q-tip that was shoved up inside me until it bottomed out and then a couple more inches. I now carry a GPS cell phone every where I go and my BS has subscribed to a service that text messages her anytime I leave my work location. She can also watch me coming home on a map. When I first agreed to carry this phone, it chapped my hide pretty hard. I am a very independant person and BS used to provide all of the freedom any man would need. But, this phone caused me to not hit the bar for a beer on the way home. I have had 1 night in the last two months where I went to three bars/resturaunts to have a beer and talk to friends. I know the phone is so important to her because the minute I walk in the door she plugs it into the charger for the next day.
BS is an in-your-face communicator who's smart but very sensitive. Her positive attitude blows my mind. I am one that holds things in and blows up all at once. I was a maintenance supervisor in the Marines where yelling is a fine art but no grudges are held because everyone knows what the goals are.
Bottom line, I'm not going anywhere because of my love for my wife. I am going to try and get another assignment in another location to try and prevent some of her worries about the OW.

Thanks for replying. I hope you can do it. My wife dissapeared again last night after some very promising weeks of recovery. I'm devestated.

What triggers your memories of the OW and the affair? What places, songs, sights, smells, activities, etc.?