I realize that I haven't been married as long as you have. But if the two of you aren't in love with each other I don't suggest getting back together. Personally at the moment I am in a marriage where my husband is not sure whether he loves me or not. I haven't left yet because I want him to realize that he does. But at the moment it is excruciatingly painful living here and sleeping on the couch and living with this pain. Knowing that he may not love me any more, we have been together lately just because of our son. Neither one of us wants to live with out him, but we're not sure we want to live with each other.

I say be true to your self. Make sure that you both are in love before you go back to her. Your children may be upset and angry, but they will eventually understand. I have been told that I should not worry about what I want so that my son can have both of his parents. To sacrifice for my child. I think that I'd rather make sure that my son sees how happy I am instead of sees me pretending to be happy. I don't want my son to think that marriage is about only tolerating each other instead of love. My mother who has been married 3 times and is still miserable told me that sometimes that is what marriage is all about, tolerance. Well I'm a true romantic and believe that if you don't love your spouse then you shouldn't be married. But that's just me.

I say be true to your self.

* Tried to fix things and tried to get her to follow the Marriage Builders program, but she wouldn't[/b[b]]Did you try to follow the Marriage Builders program or just expect your wife to?* * After remaining faithful to her, but not very loving, for 17 years I started an affair last fall that has just ended
* During the affair I started to divorce her, moved into an apartment, but haven't filed any papers yet

So... now I think I want to go back to her, if only for the kids' sake. I don't have much respect for her right now and I think she feels the same way. My parents (who I stayed with for 2 months) are appalled at what she's done and don't want me to go back to her -- She has a long history of lying and doing terribly irresponsible things. I'm willing to seek counseling with her. I don't know if things will work out, but I think it will be better for the children (and for us financially) if we stay together for 3 more years until they're out of high school

What should I do? Try to salvage something, even if it's temporary, or move on? I really want to live in the same house with my kids again!

Also... I would have to break the lease on my new apartment. Does anyone know if that would harm my credit rating?

First... I seem to be taking somewhat of an undeserved beating about the credit-rating question. That was simply an afterthought. It isn't important to me, I was just wondering.

Second... I do deserve the beating I've received about being selfish, leaving my kids, etc. Thank you for your candor and I am going to think long and hard like all of you suggest.

When I discovered my wife's attempt at infidelity I tried very hard for nearly a year to win her back, to show her the love she deserves, etc. and she did not respond at all. She told me many times she was going to leave me in July of 2012. I was vulnerable when another woman made a pass at me and I did the wrong thing. This isn't an excuse -- I was stupid, selfish, and didn't think of the consequences. However, when I told my wife I wanted a divorce a few months ago, she confessed that she had changed her mind about leaving me. I think there may still be hope for us.

Maybe you need to let the fog of your affair clear a little bit before you go home to save money, your credit rating, and your commute to visit your kids. Sorry, I am being so brutal to you but your post is so selfish. Can you see that?

I did follow the program and I still have all of the notes I made... lists of my love busters, etc. She finally looked at the website after about six months of my asking her to (not pushing her too hard) and said the ideas looked good, but they wouldn't work for us. Was she still foggy? Can you try again?
I think the kids would be better with me back at home. They are clearly happy when I can spend time with them and we've done several things together as a family that have gone well. Part of me is being selfish, but another part wants to be there for my children, and for my wife.

It's interesting that your parents are appalled at what SHE has done. They're not appalled at your behavior?

Do you make her feel like she comes in 2nd like it feels in your post?

Your kids are almost grown and you are already out of the house. Don't do it for the kids. Your kids need stability and a good role model. If you want your marriage, do the work.