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I respect your opinions, but my husband flirts too. And that doesn't mean that either one of us actually want the people that we are extra friendly to. It doesn't mean that we are even attracted to the people really. I simply means that we are nice and enjoy interacting with people. I will admit that my marriage is not solid. But its not because of flirting. And flirting is completely different than propositioning. Flirting is not saying "hey sexy want to come back to my place for a little hide the salami" Its more like "hey how are you doin. You're looking good." I've even heard so much as "You're husband is a lucky man" and I responded with "why thank you, I'll let him know."
That's what I'm talking about. And honestly what is wrong with that? You can be friendly to people without flirting. Flirting is a flashing sign that lets people know that you might be open to the next step...
Over it.
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Flirting...hmmmm....well, I can recall times when I was flirted with and flirted back when we were still a couple.
Depends on the flirting. If it's light, okay. But if it gets to the point where it's in any way suggestive...FUGHEDDABOUDIT!!
If a person is prone to cheating, well HAIL yeah it could lead to other things. If not, then NO.
I never wanted to sleep with any of the guys and/or girls that flirted with me when I was still with Mr. Gray. It just wasn't in the equation for me.
It was obviously a different story for him. But I can understand why it got that far, that doesn't make it right...but heck, I was sick, had full body edema, I wasn't taking care of my self properly because I didn't give a [censored]...I was so sick and depressed.
That doesn't excuse his actions but I can see how it got there. Me, however, never even thought of such a thing when he was sick and we weren't sure if he was going to kick-the-bucket...that was some years before mine. And no, no flirting with ANYONE went on at that time, I was too worried about him and if he was going to live.
Oh, the irony! Ha ha!!
Charlotte
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I used to flirt and so did my husband. I never thought anything about it because it never meant anything to me until I found out that my husband was having an affair. That gave me an entirely different perspective regarding protection of the marriage. I take nothing for granted now. I certainly don't want my husband flirting with anybody but me.
Over it.
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I'm not looking for attention. I'm not looking to make a connection with anyone other than my husband. Most people don't LOOK for an affair. But they do exactly what you are doing... Leave themselves open to one because they are sure they will never have one. My husband and I are trying to work on our M An important FIRST step to that would be to eliminate any opportunities for other people to make any deposits in either of your love banks. and we have not had affairs, Well, at your age, neither did most of the FWS's here. But then 10 or 15 years down the road (and 2, 3, 4, or more kids).... with love banks let open all that time... eventually some OP hit enough ENs at the same time the spouse at home had been neglecting a few or love bustings and making withdrawals. That's why Dr. H says GIVEN THE RIGHT CONDITIONS, ANYONE can have an affair. You are young in your marriage. It's a great time to protect it. BEFORE the damage is done. I'm telling you... you don't want to live through what most of us here have. Many of us said the same thing years ago that you are saying now. even though we've had plenty of chances. Yeah, my FWH had many chances to. But it didn't happen until we had been married for 19 years...pretty much happily married and in love. In fact, he even told OW during that month before the AF kicked in that he LOVED ME. So what happened???? He had an open love bank...didn't see the harm in OW flirting (meeting his admiration EN), then emailing or phoning a woman other than his wife. He loved me, but he didn't protect me or our marriage. And eventually, he started saying to me all the typical things any WS says....I don't love you, haven't for years, blah, blah, blah. Flirting does NOT always lead to affairs, I'm sorry but it doesn't!! Given enough time and the right circumstances (like a marriage in a slump) and it does. I'm not going to have sex with every guy that flirts with me. Of course not. But you might eventually have sex with the one that deposited enough units to your low love bank to make your feelings stir. I'm really unsure as to why its become such a square subject. I'm really unsure why you are defending yourself so much here. Its not exactly the same for every person. When you've read enough stories here, you will see that it is very, very similar. All the WS's started out saying the same thing you are saying and did not protect the marriage early on. But just because I'm a flirt that doesn't make me a whore. But it does make you a woman that is a danger to all her friends' marriages because she considers it acceptable to flirt and meet their husbands' ENs, at least their admiration EN, which is most often very high for men. You are hurting their marriages and your own every time you flirt or allow someone to flirt with you.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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MelodyLane...just curious as to what you had hoped to accomplish by this thread? Is it theraputic for you to think about others with these titles? ie., skank, ho, etc.? Just wondering what you thought could be positive about this? I think it can be therapeutic for women who do not correctly interpret this kind of attention. My goal is to enlighten women who believe they are being COMPLIMENTED when actually they are being insulted and treated like a skank. That is a very positive learning, wouldn't you agree?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Flirting does NOT always lead to affairs, I'm sorry but it doesn't!! Maybe it doesn't. BUT... Most affairs DO start out that way. Why risk your marriage?
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Lacey, flirting is extremely disrespectful behavior to a spouse. It is inappropriate for any married person to FLIRT with another. This is how affairs start.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm not looking for attention. I'm not looking to make a connection with anyone other than my husband. Most people don't LOOK for an affair. But they do exactly what you are doing... Leave themselves open to one because they are sure they will never have one. My husband and I are trying to work on our M An important FIRST step to that would be to eliminate any opportunities for other people to make any deposits in either of your love banks. and we have not had affairs, Well, at your age, neither did most of the FWS's here. But then 10 or 15 years down the road (and 2, 3, 4, or more kids).... with love banks let open all that time... eventually some OP hit enough ENs at the same time the spouse at home had been neglecting a few or love bustings and making withdrawals. That's why Dr. H says GIVEN THE RIGHT CONDITIONS, ANYONE can have an affair. You are young in your marriage. It's a great time to protect it. BEFORE the damage is done. I'm telling you... you don't want to live through what most of us here have. Many of us said the same thing years ago that you are saying now. even though we've had plenty of chances. Yeah, my FWH had many chances to. But it didn't happen until we had been married for 19 years...pretty much happily married and in love. In fact, he even told OW during that month before the AF kicked in that he LOVED ME. So what happened???? He had an open love bank...didn't see the harm in OW flirting (meeting his admiration EN), then emailing or phoning a woman other than his wife. He loved me, but he didn't protect me or our marriage. And eventually, he started saying to me all the typical things any WS says....I don't love you, haven't for years, blah, blah, blah. Flirting does NOT always lead to affairs, I'm sorry but it doesn't!! Given enough time and the right circumstances (like a marriage in a slump) and it does. I'm not going to have sex with every guy that flirts with me. Of course not. But you might eventually have sex with the one that deposited enough units to your low love bank to make your feelings stir. I'm really unsure as to why its become such a square subject. I'm really unsure why you are defending yourself so much here. Its not exactly the same for every person. When you've read enough stories here, you will see that it is very, very similar. All the WS's started out saying the same thing you are saying and did not protect the marriage early on. But just because I'm a flirt that doesn't make me a whore. But it does make you a woman that is a danger to all her friends' marriages because she considers it acceptable to flirt and meet their husbands' ENs, at least their admiration EN, which is most often very high for men. You are hurting their marriages and your own every time you flirt or allow someone to flirt with you. I agree wholeheartedly. Was 44 years old and married 9 years to a man "that would NEVER cheat" before he cheated. Protect your marriage. You have no idea how much infidelity hurts!!
Last edited by stillstanding2; 03/31/09 04:25 PM.
Over it.
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In the past two or three years I have been hit on to an obvious extent by various women maybe 100 times. I have lost count.
Some of these women are young enough to be my daughters. Some are divorced and some are married and some are my age. Some are much older than me. Some I have no clue as to their status because I only just met them that one time. (They are the ones who move fast. It was interesting to watch them size me up. They were pros at this.)
Most can’t seem to take a hint. Like the 21 yo barista in the shop down the street who knows I am married but keeps asking me to a movie or meet her for drinks. Others, like the manager in another building here at work keep asking to meet for lunch or after work. And others call me, or email me, occasionally even at home if they know where I live. Some seem to be looking for financial benefits. Several wanted me to meet their kids yet they didn’t know me from Adam. What’s up with that? Most I don’t know what they want.
Do I wear my ring? No, not since D-Day 2 of the VLTA. Do I want to stay married? No. Do I act married? Yes. Do I always tell them up front I am married? Yes. Do they continue flirting or plain outright asking me out? 90% still do.
These women may be no more than flirts for skirts. Who knows? Irrelevant. I could definitely take them up on something inappropriate. I could have made it so. They moved the door ajar.
This says to me, loudly, the vast majority of woman in the world are indeed flirts, they are immoral skanks and they are definitely lacking in ethics.
IMO, women who hit on married men are ethically and morally worse than men who hit on married women. They are kind of stupid too.
Also, it tells me, since I have not had any, any whatsoever, of my EN’s met for this entire marriage and I have had opportunity after opportunity to have any kind of thoroughly enjoyable affairs I could want…yet I have not…well, it make those who do commit adultery for such stupid little reasons of theirs in comparison out to be just plain losers.
This makes me think missing ENs aren’t really it after all.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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I like your take on this, Mel. Makes one think. Personally, makes me think about what I was willing to both put up with as well as take part in. We create our circumstances.
And who in their right mind will be threatened by or compare themselves to a SKANK?!?!?!? Not moi!!
LIFE IS GOOD
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The trouble is...ANYTHING can be construed as flirting...even the most innocent smile.
That means...the only real solution to avoid flirting is to lock yourself away from the world.
Charlotte
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This says to me, loudly, the vast majority of woman in the world are indeed flirts, they are immoral skanks and they are definitely lacking in ethics.  IMO, women who hit on married men are ethically and morally worse than men who hit on married women. They are kind of stupid too. I'm am curious about this statement. Why do you feel this is the case? Charlotte
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Here is the definition of flirting:
Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting
I know when I have flirted and when I have just been friendly. I think the difference goes to intent.
Over it.
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Oh, and by the way... 
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The trouble is...ANYTHING can be construed as flirting...even the most innocent smile.
That means...the only real solution to avoid flirting is to lock yourself away from the world.
Charlotte I don't agree, Charlotte. Most people don't have trouble identifying flirting when they see it. If a person does not know the difference, they probably have other problems. flirt (flûrt) Pronunciation Key v. flirt·ed, flirt·ing, flirts v. intr. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Here is the definition of flirting:
Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting
I know when I have flirted and when I have just been friendly. I think the difference goes to intent. Well, that's where I have the problem. I don't see flirting as ALWAYS expressing romantic and/or sexual interest. I agree with your "intent" statement, though. Which is why I feel like locking yourself away from the world is the only way NOT to flirt since even the most innocent thing can be construed as flirting. Charlotte
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The trouble is...ANYTHING can be construed as flirting...even the most innocent smile.
That means...the only real solution to avoid flirting is to lock yourself away from the world.
Charlotte I don't agree, Charlotte. Most people don't have trouble identifying flirting when they see it. If a person does not know the difference, they probably have other problems. flirt (flûrt) Pronunciation Key v. flirt·ed, flirt·ing, flirts v. intr. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.Well, I know the difference. But the "other side" doesn't always and I know I have accidentally flirted and there's nothing I can do about that except stay in my house and never come out again. Charlotte
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Well, I know the difference. But the "other side" doesn't always and I know I have accidentally flirted and there's nothing I can do about that except stay in my house and never come out again.
Charlotte Well, I agree with that. If you can't tell the difference and sometimes "accidentally" flirt, you might oughta just stay home.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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..........IF you're married, that is!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Or, if my husband is anywhere near you...
Over it.
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