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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23 |
yes we have 3 d and yes i have read lots of articles thank you for replying
M33
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M10yrs
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23 |
I have exposed the affair everyone knows he doesnt want to work our marriage out he says hes over trying he doesnt love me anymore and has feelings for her do i have a hope or not iam at plan a at the moment
M33
H34
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M10yrs
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Then you have read up about Plan A?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23 |
i have read some about planA and am trying all i can to show him love and respect but what happens when its time for plan b if he is living here
M33
H34
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M10yrs
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,535
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Hiya
I'm not sure whether to post on this thread or your other one, maybe stick to the one, it'll be easier for you to keep track too. Just trying to provide encouragement really..
It sounds so positive that you can get him properly back in your life. Go all out for a plan A, read it breathe it work it.
Remember the connection they have is a fantasy - you and your H have a stronger connection.
Would his parents be willing to read up on the MB QandA on infidelity? I'm sure they don't want the suffering for their grandchildren.
It destroys my mum to think of the children when me and H are struggling.
ST
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 134
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I don't know everything about your situation. But I know what its like to have your spouse tell you that they don't love you any more. Honestly I've been trying Plan A for several years now, and it hasn't worked. I have decided to stop doing every thing for him and start doing things for me. Because all that effort that I put in to his happiness made me miserable, because he didn't appreciate it. And my husband didn't even have an affair, I don't think. But if you want it to work with him, you have to make sure he knows that what he is doing is hurting you. And that you aren't going to be his door mat. You can't just forget about your self. Its gotta be mutual. You need to talk to him and make him tell you what he wants for the future.
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 45
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When did all this start? Will he go to counseling? It looks like he moved out, but comes back some nights? Give us more details if you can...I know it's painful, but it will help with responses.
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23 |
he wants to move back in for the kids but has told me he is still going to see her what do i do i feel like iam losing it big time
M33
H34
3D
M10yrs
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23 |
his parents dont want to get involved and he has informed me he would like to move back in for the kids as long as i can handle him still seeing her what do i do please help i dont know how much more i can take of this its killing me
M33
H34
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M10yrs
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,535
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Hi tobe
I posted the link to survivin an affair at the beginning of this thread.
Have you read it?
Do you want to work on your M?
Have you sorted out the carrot and stick of plan A?
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,535
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hey tobe
which thread are ou going to stick with?
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Posts: 23 |
sorry iam not sure didnt know how to add on to the last one
M33
H34
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M10yrs
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Posts: 23 |
its so hard when he says he doesnt love me and wants ow do i bother hes not going to notice
M33
H34
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M10yrs
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Now, i'm a bit stuck. Maybe copy any stuff form here on to the other one and then delete this one.
ST
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23 |
dont know how just stick with other post
M33
H34
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M10yrs
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,535
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Posts: 1,535 |
Being a FWW and knowing that I was totally clueless and wanted to stay in the A myself.
Although we didn't know about MB my H did do the carrot of plan A on me. I started to realise that the A wasn't any better than my M and confessed. Still didn't love my H at this point but recognised he'd been putting in the effort and realised the A was wrong. So based on how I came out of the A, then I'd say it was worth it if you want it. Within days o the A finishing I started to fall back in love with H.
However I am a FWW. you need some input from a BS because they can give you more of an idea of the effort and trauma they have been through and give you the info you need to try to win him back.
ST
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Just reply to your own first post. It makes it difficult for old folks like me to follow stories on multiple threads.
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 134
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I hope this is the right thread. But either way here's my 2 cents. Talk to him. Talk about what you both want for the future, for yourselves and for your girls. You have to come up with options. If he want's out, then you may have to let him go. As unfortunate as it is. You can't force him.
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23 |
he wants his kids in his life but wants her and i have to live with it i feel hopeless i need to fight by i feel its a losing battle
M33
H34
3D
M10yrs
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 23 |
thank you so your saying just keep trying even if he has told me its her he wants and doesnt want me hes moving back in back only for the kids and he says if i want him in the house i have to live with him still seeing her which is hard to take knowing hes with her he doesnt want a D and says he will never marry again and as for her she hasnt grown tired of only seeing him when it suits him so shes not going away any time soon
M33
H34
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M10yrs
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