I'm contemplating asking my wife to take a polygragh test as I cannot fully beleive what she tells me anymore. I've caught her in lies about other unrelated things. I no longer trust her. In the past when I questioned her fidelity she offered to take a polygragh. She all the while said that when she passes it she will rub it in my face. This will not be tolerated and will end in divorce. So the dilemma is this. If I ask her to take test and she passes I will be divorced. If she fails, I will be divorced as I have given ample opprotunity to come clean prior to test. My gut tells me she is lying about her fidelity but not 100% sure enough to go big D yet. Have snooped my a$$ off and can't get proof enough to confront. So to the question, do I ask for poly or go straight to plan D? My thinking is if I can't trust her then why should I stay in this relationship? How would you react if you were asked to take a poly and had done nothing and would surly pass? What if you were guilty? Confusion has set in...

How long has she been lying? How long have you been married? Any children? Have either of you ever cheated? How long have you been snooping? What is she lying about?

Together 25 yrs. One son 24. I've been suspicious for more than 2 years. Snooping for most of that time. Have asked point blank whether she is or has cheated on me. She says no, never. She is not acting herself any more though. Lots of reasons why I suspect. But I can account for all her time. No cell phone or secret e-mail accounts that I'm aware of. No strange charges or money not accounted for. No souveniers found. If she is cheating it is at work.

I would continue snooping before going to the polygraph. I never found much from cell phones or money trails. My husband was smart enough to know that I would look in those places when he started acting weird. I put a digital voice recorder in his car and found out the first day it was there. I would try that. She has to get in her car at some point and she probably will have phone conversations there. You can also get a sim card reader to read her deleted text messages. You may have to go at it from a few different angles to cast a wider net. A private investigator could follow her and probably give you the information that you need also.

I would ask her to take the polygraph. This will give her a chance to prove her good name and help you trust her more. Telling you she will divorce you if she passes is a manipulative threat and I would take her up on it. You will likely end up divorced if you don't because you won't be able to trust her.

If I were INNOCENT, I would DEMAND to take a polygraph. So should she.

I know of affairs that happened exactly this way. The cheaters lunched together. No time was unaccounted for, etc. If your gut is telling you something, I would work harder to uncover the truth.

I might be a little hurt if I was innocent, and I'm certain I would try to comfort my husband and find out why he was feeling that I was not being truthful.

But I would insist on the poly just to make him feel better and prove my honesty.

And when it came out that I was truthful, I would expect him to take my on a nice cruise or vacation.

I agree.....if I had nothing to hide and everything to gain, I would insist on taking one too.

My F?WH is taking one next week. Now he didn't insist but said he would when I asked him too. And I'm the one saying it's the Big D if he fails and has been lying to me for a year

The big deal is that you are concerned for your marriage. You should be.

Yielding to a polygraph is a release on you. If she is blameless, so what. If guilty, then it is time continue working on the marriage!

Thanks for your replies. They are much appreciated. My son is getting married next month. I will have to wait to ask for a poly untill after wedding as I don't want to "cloud" my sons wedding. I've been at this dance for almost 3 yrs. now, whats another 4 weeks?

There is one thing that cheaters seem to do consistently and that is to launch the best defense is an offense thing.
Look, her reaction speaks volumes. Initially, it seems to make sense to us, a spouse being indignant having his or her fidelity doubted.
But, when you really look at what would be the true expected reaction from an innocent spouse that loved you, you will see that the hostility and indignation is not a normal reaction.
Rather, as someone has already mentioned, a normal reaction might be one of bewilderment followed by concern and a desire to reassure and look into whatever it is that is causing the spouse one loves this insecurity.
Think of it this way: if the roles were reversed and your wife came to you with this concern, and you were innocent, do you really think you would threaten her with divorce for having expressed this insecurity? Is this a divorceable offnense/ Wouldn't this expression cause you t take steps to get inot counseling together and to do lots of talking?
Your wife's reaction is a huge red flag . She has something to hide.