Wh rung earlier asking if i can sort out the insurance for his bike as it got hit friday by police officers which i said i would do

then he started talking about all kinds of other stuff then started talking about the finances and him asking if he can reduce my maintenance payments this month as he cant afford it all as he needs to by stuff for the new baby, i said no im getting the money im entitled too and need for me and the children to live he then got a bit stroppy saying he cant afford it all i replied that isnt my fault and i need money for me and the children to live on

he has no interest in me and the kids he says this doesnt affect the children and i have to just get over him as he isnt coming back ever

Then in the next breath he mentioned about the bike racing were due to go to on april 13th said that he does want to go but OW wont allow him to so he will tell her his taking the kids and im not going so she will allow him to go which is not the case the children arent even coming along still not hopeful his not going to let me down

its been a long day today the times gone pretty slow kids been unsettled again tonight so i laid with them in bed snuggled up watching a film til they both fell asleep they were exhausted
son keeps asking when daddys coming back home with us its very upsetting
Hate night times its the worst time of day for me i sit thinking about things too much can never find anything to keep my mind occupied its when i always get so low

Hi always

Have just read your thread.
I'm guessing you're in the UK like me( I'm in the South).


Your H clearly has his head in a very strange place at the mo. That crazy fantasy world where you can find it so easy to justify any appalling behaviour. You're doing a good plan A keep doing it. The more she tells him she doesn't like him visiting you the more she is LBing him. Just keep on filling that love bank - he still cares.

I really feel for you, there is nothing more unbearable than watching our children suffer. I know it's hard to consider but remember not only are they missing daddy but mummy too. I know my own kids reflect my moods when I'm down. My DS3 would spend all day for nearly 7weeks sat on my lap playing with my hair when i was down. As soon as I started taking more action again and lifted my self he improved loads.

I know you didn't cause the pain (I did and I had my own guilt to motivate me to lift myself). Do you have friends and family to support you too? are you having counselling? I went to Relate with my H before my A was over ( didn't discuss the A) and it was a waste. We have made billions more progress since using this site.

So you've been doing a great plan A. And you know that H is lying to OW - there is hope.

I reckon he's feeling guilty and rubbish about himself and so to make himself feel better is lashing out at you and being grumpy.
Does he realise now that it is his selfish behaviour that is causing the kids to be unsettled?

You have the 13th April to look forward to, can you get in any other dates before then?



ST

Hiya ST

Thanks for your reply

yes im in the uk and down south i dont have any friends close but have family that are supporting me well when i dont see them theyre always on the end of the phone

I am seeing someone regularly who is great and helping me loads i try to plan as many times for us to do things together as i can but he is wary cos of OW his at sea all this week but is back friday and coming round for dinner with us and then its taking the children to karate which i am thinking about joining too this friday altho a little nervous about that

We are going to take the children ice skating this weekend for the first time which should be fun as his coming to see us friday night sat morning for few hours and then he comes all day on sunday he has the children here as i wont allow him to take them out yet as he wants to introduce them to OW which is way too soon they have both only just found out the truth

didnt sleep much last night so im going to try and get a nap today while the children are at school ive already been shopping today to the bank and got myself a few treats to cheer me up even got some facial products and creams going to pamper myself tonight and have a glass of wine once kids in bed

Ive been looking into college courses and im thinking about going back in september to get myself some qualifications and it will help me to start getting myself a life the information should be here today or tomorrow hopefully then i can get enrolled on the courses im thinking of doing maths and english gcses and also sociology and psychology i left school with no qualifications and thinks it time i start putting myself first for once now the children are at school full time

feeling bit better today and im going to email WH a nice light hearted email 3 more days til ill see him again i like to keep in touch with him as much as possible when his away

Keep posting, and keep us informed for when you need more help. Keep up that plan A. Can I ccome and join you tonight for that glass of wine and pampering?

A nice light hearted email seems a good plan, just keep reminding him that you are there. Maybe send him some ice skating funnies??

Brilliant idea to get yourself going with some study too - it will give you focus and a different challenge and will make you more independant.

St

I should be hitting the books at the mo actually.

had a pretty good day so far sent him a nice email kept it all nice and light made a few jokes about things

then he rang out the blue tonight to check how we all were doing he actually made effort to talk to me he spoke to the kids first for few mins then spoke to me for about 20 mins i filled him in on what ive been doing so he dont think ive sat about moping which i havent done a lot of only the night times
he says its a good idea if i go to college i said i think so i want to better myself now the children are both at school full time
i asked him if he would like to go to football saturday to watch local team play one of his hobbies is football he said he wasnt sure he could afford it so i said id treat him and he accepted
so it means i got him here friday evening and its karate night saturday afternoon to go and watch the football together sunday he coming round to spend day with kids and were taking them ice skating thats this weekend sorted and im looking forward to it

been out for the morning today went to get my hair cut then went to my sisters for a natter not seen her in a while and she preggers with baby no5 shes nuts lol was good to catch up relaxing for a bit now before children come home from school been a good day so far have parents evening tonight and WH is meant to be ringing later on to see how it went fingers crossed the phones are working ok on the ship as sometimes they go down

been feeling ok today, i have to go to housing place tomorrow to see about getting rehoused as i have about 6 months here before i will be getting evicted as the captain on the ship has told WH he has to change his marital status now im not looking forward to that pretty scared about it all

well done always, keep being positive

WH just rang was good to hear from him and then he said he might not be able to pick kids up from school tomorrow and may get here late as they have the scan i tried to stay positive and said thats ok just let me know if you will be able to make it in time to pick them up gosh i hate trying to be nice when he keeps mentioning OW and the pregnancy it makes me feel sick
Thats the part i find hardest to deal with in all this
He thinks theyre all so perfect and me and the children are not important it really winds me up when he always mentions OW and i have asked him nicely please dont keep mentioning her to me as i dont really want to know about her. Why does he think i want to know all about what they do and what she thinks grrrrrr makes me so angry
Told him i went to housing today and that they cant do anything til i get eviction notice then i will have to go on to the homeless register this doesnt even bother him all he said is oh thats good yeah its good were going to be made homeless
ok think ive finished ranting for now time to go bath the kids

Please can someone give always_hope some help with a plan, being such a short time out of my own A and farily new to this I feel uncomfortable giving plan ideas to a BW who's H is still active in the A.

Thanks

ST

well its 2am in the uk now im laying in bed and cant sleep too much playing on my mind tonight thought id come post maybe clear my head

i know tomorrow with WH going for scan is driving me mad gosh i hate the fact makes me so angry but so dont want to show him that tomorrow when he comes round need to remain calm

im starting karate tomorrow first lesson kinda scarey but should be ok i know lots of people there and the kids do it not sure if WH will be doing it tomorrow night he usually does but was on about quitting cos OW moaning about him going so we will see

Have a busy weekend to look forward too trying to focus on that now not to let the scan bother me but look forward to having some fun over the weekend

Good luck with the Karate and I hope he doesn't lunch you out totally this weekend

thanks ST im looking forward to it but kinda dreading it i know theyre at the scan now and its tearing me up inside no matter how hard i try not to think about it its right there in my thoughts arghhhh and then he coming round here straight after the scan just pray he doesnt start going on about it

well so far have made it through friday and saturday WH came round friday night and things went ok considering he only mentioned to me about the scan once and told me everything was ok and she is 13 weeks i said id rather not hear about it,

the children were out playing at this point then i got them in for there dinner and time for karate which i did do altho it nearly killed me first time ive done that amount of exercise in a long time but it felt good Wh also went to karate the kids were madde up that i started doing it WH commented afterwards about me starting it and asked why i would never do it before with them i just replied i know i never had the energy before but ive now realised these things and iv decided to do something about it

He then came round saturday for us to go to football which started off well the kids were happy i was happy and even WH smiled frequently was all going very well until OW started ringing him he cut her off 3 times i turned to him and said please turn the phone off when your out with us he said he would and supposedly did til we got in car to come back home then his phone rang again and again i said i thought you had turned it off which then he ignored me til we got home the kids then went out to play with friends and we came inside and then he started going on im not to tell him what to do it has nothing to do with me if he wants his phone on and to talk to OW he will as it has nothing to do with me what he does so i replied that while you are with me you should respect me enough to turn the phone off and not take OW calls as that is disrespecting me
well gosh you would of thought i had just chopped his arm off this ended in a huge row and im so mad with myself for allowing this to happen he got very nasty in the things he was saying and i bit he then left and said he would be back tomorrow about 12 for ice skating now im sat here feeling like crap

oh no, sounds like you were doing so well. I know it's rubbish but you know what you have to do if you want him back. Avoid those LBs.

Well, it's done now. Look forward to tomorrow and think of all the positives. Are you fully aware of his ENs?


well done on the karate! will you go for it next week too?

yup karate again tuesday night this week cos of the easter hols and my kids wont let me stop now anyways altho im suffering today lol

and im going out weds night for the first time without WH or the children theyre going to mums for the night kinda looking forward to it

but hopefully he does still turn up for ice skating with us tomorrow cos we did part on pretty bad times altho i did apologise to him for my outburts and he apologised for not respecting me too so hopefully that cleared the air a bit

You did nothing wrong in asking him to not have his phone on while with you. The stopping point though is the LB's, they give him ammunition to continue what he is doing. Next time state your boundary and then ask him to leave when he disrepects you (without LB's) or excuse yourself to another room. Plan A is not plan doormat.

always_hope, please email if you don't mind I have some information for you. My email is in my profile.

ty ST and FF ill try to remember state boundary no LB ive been trying so hard with no LB i was cross with myself tonight when i let myself do it but it is done now cant change that just need to look ahead now

FF i have emailed you too ty

oh and a question i have exposed to everyone except her family as i didnt have theyre contact info and didnt know enough about her to get it but after snooping into WH phone last night i found her mums phone number is it too late to tell her about the affair or should i leave this alone now

He has told me they do not know his having an affair and that it is none of there business