OK... I was talking to a relative yesterday and called ExH's wife a ho. Well this relative gave it to me! He said she is not a ho she is his wife, and I need to realize that and move on. I told him I never call her his wife, I always call her a ho.

The way I look at it is this...any woman that has a husband of her own, goes after and sleeps with another woman's husband(she knew my ExH was M'd and had kids, and my ExH knew OW was M'd as well)...is nothing more than a ho to me and that's all she ever will be, and that's all I will ever call her.

Am I right or wrong?

I agree with you but most people won't. It isn't "PC" to call it like it is these days.

Well that what I think she is and that's all I will EVER call her.

Some women are just Ho's. A wedding ring doesn't stop them being a ho. Just a fact.

Some people see the error of their ways, seek forgiveness and appreciate the wrongs they have done. Doesn't mean they weren't ho's but may mean they are ho's no longer.

Well ExH and OW never sought forgiveness from me. To this day, ExH will not admit he had an A. Said they were just friends and living as roomates.

OK!

Perfectly OK and understood.

Just so you understand me, the OW in my case has never apologised, never sought forgiveness from anyone, let alone me, thinks the A is funny, and thinks everyone takes M way too seriously!

Shw was a ho, is still a ho, and will probably always be a ho.

Just saying that there are people out there who are capable of change. That's all.

Well ExH I'm sure thinks they did no wrong as they were both unhappy in their M's anyway, so he says. I guess that's how he justifys the A.

You are right. There are people that do change. From wwht I've heard about her, she's a goldigger and is still probably a ho even after being M'd to ExH! And now they are having a baby Geez!!!

Sorry for your pain. I have read your thread recently but you have to know that that Karma Bus will get them in the end.

When it does, she's still a ho, but what about you? You will be a person full of empathy, considerate of others, and a person who has grown through experience.

You will be far far better.

Hugs to you. x

Seren...


Thanks, but I don't think I believe much in that karma bus. I have a feeling there won't be a stop at their house.

I posted to someone else earlier that ExH and I tried to have more kids, never happened. Then he said he didn't want anymore anyway, cuz he was too old. Now they are having a kid.

I did mostly everything right...didn't cheat etc., he did it all wrong, and he's being blessed with a baby?!

What's wrong with that picture?!

It might all seem rosy now but when baby comes, new wife doesn't give ExH the attention he wants and thinks he deserves, no one is getting any sleep because the baby is crying all night--

--well the Karma bus might just be adding a new stop.

Cat,

""any woman that has a husband of her own, goes after and sleeps with another woman's husband...is nothing more than a ho to me and that's all she ever will be, and that's all I will ever call her.""

I hope you explained this to your relative. And this relative is your BLOOD relative? And HE laid into YOU? Watch out for that dude.

YOU TELL HIM TO MOVE ON!

He knows nothing of your agony. Very callous in my opinion. Liberal ahole.

Oh, and you are totally RIGHT!

kirk

I feel for you Cat. Thanks for the advice in my thread about a visual reminder.

I'm gonna say the kid will really mix them up... My friend who I've been staying with has a kid and I can see the stress it puts on him and the mother. I feel sorry for the spawn though. It isn't coming into a life that is likely going to be wholesome or fair at all to it. A good life will be a challenge given that 90% of affair marriages die?


Off Topic: Krusht was it necessary to throw "liberal" in there?

Krusht,

Yeah, the relative was my brother!! He only sees things in black and white. He's the kind of person that says who cares, move on, life's not fair, deal with it. I'm not like that.

Our and Monc,

Hope you are both right. I just feel really crappy lately that it seems like I was a good person, played by the rules and I got the short end of the stick. He on the other hand is doing well $$ wise, appears happy(friends have seem him and OW and say they are always all over each over) and here I am...

OK pity party over...

Did she charge your WH for sex?

Has OW ever charged anyone for sex?

If no,

then she is no,

ho.

Slut, tramp, easy, round heels, skank, home wrecker, floozy, loose, fast, cheater, etc, maybe better choices.

Actually OW wronged you. In my book you should get to call her what ever you want. You want hoe? Then hoe it is.

Catgirl,

(((((HUGS))))))

This is so hard!

Please be aware that you are giving voice to every discouragement that your soul's enemy would have you believe about right and wrong, and justice.

Justice - the karma bus, or whatever you want to call it, comes in God's own time. Your being angry about your XH's evil behavior, hypocrisy, theft and all other terms that apply is not going to help you heal.

What are you reading? Are you going to church? Are you hanging out with friends that help you aspire to the best this new life of yours has to offer?

Get this out of your system because after how many months now, you are still not moving to a place of indifference that will allow you to look on his new family without rage or even a twinge of that desire for justice.

At some point, if you ever loved your X, you will be praying for mercy upon his head, simply because you know that he deserves all the justice coming to him....

I agree with KaylaAndy. But I completely understand how you feel. You are still hurting and it's no wonder you hold resentment and bitterness.

THEY do not DESERVE forgiveness-but YOU deserve to forgive. Having bitterness and resentment towards someone is like taking a poison pill and waiting for them to die from it.

Also...think of it this way...if they hear you call her (or your ex) names, then they know they still get to you. Imagine the satisfaction she must feel knowing that she can still affect you. Take that power away from her/them.

FAKE IT! Next time you see them, be polite. (UGH!!!) As much as you want to rip her throat out, just play it cool. It might not take too long before you actually start to not care anymore. If you foster those feelings, they will grow and be nothing but a burden to you and a source of smug satisfaction for her.

I don't agree with how relatives are treating you, though. They need to realize that you need their support...not criticism right now. I am hoping they are just worried about you and wanting you to move on so you don't hurt anymore. But defending the ex and new wife is NOT a good way to facilitate that.

Tell your brother to get over his defense mechanism. He can think that for himself, but should stuff it when it comes to other peoples lives if he's going to make judgements at all. Especially when regarding his own sister's misfortunes!

At the very least to argue "ho" is a demonstration of his shallow world view. In other words, he doesn't seem to scale the differences in one's actions. Which means watch out for your own brother. He seems willing to burn others since "lifes not fair."

The truth is "life is not fair," but you can make lemonade out of lemons. Everyone knows life isn't always fair in a selfish way. You don't always get the job you probably deserve and others don't always get the justice they deserve. Your brother doesn't need to rub that in peoples faces.

You're allowed your pity party. You're looking for validation for feeling this way when your own kin argued with you about your view. You trust the opinions here obviously and want the relief of your own justification.

The best revenge you can met out is to do as said above. Be indifferent and show a happy face! Just don't be disingenuous though, find things in your life that are up! If it's friends, a good book you read, or some small event that made you feel good and carry those in front of you when you see them or hear of them. One you'll start believing in your happiness and two, they'll shielding you from the pain.

Guys--someone said to me in my thread that the best revenge is a life well lived (or something to that effect). And, I've realized that this is true.

It pleases your xH and his new wife to know that you are miserable and that it ticks you off to no end to know that they are together and having a baby.

He will realize that all is not what it was cracked up to be but, if you can move on and live a good life--that will just tick them off even more.

Just think of it this way--you will not be the one not getting any sleep and having to deal with all those issues a baby brings. Babies are great but they are lots and lots of work!!

The best revenge is a life well lived...

Another thought Cat...

I grew up with Scarlett O'Hara - temperment wise and even appearance, my mother was every bit the Southern Diva.

I read the book when I was in the 6th grade - one thing that comes to recall now is that a lady never called someone a name that described her, because to have that word come across their own lips demeaned them.

Consider getting a little bit of Scarlett Diva to your own attitude. To describe the adulterers or give them any mind diminishes yourself.

You are a lady of quality and you don't associate with "those" kind of people, even in your thoughts. Practice seeing the gift that having a corrupt man out of your life gives you. I know you miss the man he was, but that's because he's gone, not because he's over there. That man is dead and gone and will be as long as he's with her! All those qualities you miss that you feel she stole - she didn't get them at all - she got what she is out of him...

Please find comfort in your heart that you have so much good ahead of you and then open the door to bring it on rather than look back on this shell of a man with longing - you don't want who and what he is now!

KA--BRAVO!! As a girl born and raised in the "Tara" area myself I appreciated that so much. You couldn't have hit that nail on the head any closer than you did. We all need to be reminded of that every now and then. Again, BRAVO--Frankly my dear.....