kez,

Dh means dear/darling husband, you can just use H

The board are mostly made up of americans, right now its their weekend so its slow, also they are 5-7 hours ahead of us if a day behind. i will find the link to Abbrev. for you just want to do this quick cos Flick will be home soon.

another post to follow....

For the boards info...

I met Kez a few days after d-day, I went to a depression chat room annouced my H was having an A and if no-one talked to me right then I was offing myself. Very over melodramtic I know. Still kez talk to me that night and calmed me down AND commited to talkeing to me every night for several weeks afterwards. She keep me alive until i could find MB.

Kez :twobyfour:
You KNOW how devistated I was by the A. You got to hear it every night. You tld,me that you and your H were getting on so much better WTH happend? When you said you needed help this was the last thing I tohught of.

I am going to draw ehavily on the love we have for each other here. i wouldnt do it if I wasnt so commited to you sweety.

GET RID OF THE OLD FLAME

get rid of his email, IM addy, cell phone number, home phone number, whatever you ahve that lets you connect to him. Drop it now! Do not contact him ever again. Just like with me and Dean, just like with Flick and her. Block him from being able to contact you. tell H if you have to.

Next, learn as much as you can from here, figure out how to move around the boards. for example at the botton of the page you should see a page saying 'emotional needs' with a 'go' button beside it. hit that and you will see other threads on simialr topics. read, read read.

I will put a call out for you on GQ2. honestly I almost wonder if we should move your thread there.

I still love you
Lose the OM!

A couple things. It looks like you're saying you've been talking to some guy from your past? But you've decided not to because it may be dangerous as in you might start having an affair with this old friend? If that's so, by all means, DO NOT CONTACT HIM ANY MORE! Fix your marriage first. One way or another. Fix your marriage before you introduce feelings for another person, because you're just lying; old friend means the grass looks greener on the other side. Then you start lying to yourself and to your husband.

Also, you're bored? First, that's because you're talking to an old friend. And second, that's because it's up to YOU to shake up your marriage. I'll put down my list of things to try to make your marriage worth having all over again. Such things - even one or two of them - will make you both find a reason to be excited about coming home to each other. And that's what makes a great marriage. Before I post the list, I'll tell you what someone here told me. If you don't tell your H the truth about how much you dislike your sex, you are depriving him of the opportunity to step up and be better; be honest with him about the sex.

Read a book together
Take turns picking out a movie to watch
Bring out the board games, at least once a week
Start a solitaire club with some neighbors or friends, play solitaire against each other one night a week or month
Start gardening together
Grow herbs/vegetables/fruits
Take walks
Start a sport together; take classes at a community college, such as racquetball or volleyball
Get bikes and start riding bikes together
Sign up for an MS 150 and train for the bike ride all year
Plan some day trips, start taking one every month
Try out one new restaurant every week, take turns choosing and surprising the other with it
Go to bookstore and get a book like “52 great invitations to sex” in which you both have 26 invitations for a special evening to invite the other one, and you set it up, give the other the invitation (included in book) and then put on the evening
Join an online gaming community together (but don’t get addicted!)
Buy a Wii or Guitar Hero and play together
Give each other foot rubs
Take massage class together and practice giving each other massages
Go back to school together
Get a pet, take it to obedience school and learn to train it (if applicable)
Join a neighborhood dinner club or other club
Volunteer together
Join a church or get more involved in your church
Take a cooking class together and take turns cooking for each other
Go to HGTV.com and pick out a project to do for your house together
Take free classes at Home Depot on how to fix something at your house
Start a business together
Organize a block party
Organize a family reunion
Start working with a financial planner or learn about stocks together
Take dancing lessons together; if you like it, start entering in competitions
Go online for your city and look up 'activities' and 'family' and maybe even 'free' if your city is big enough; subscribe to those websites and go there every month to look for upcoming activities you can all do together; you can find plays, music events, art things, sports things, picnics, etc.

Kez, my A was with my old flame. I was married 28 years when I had my A.

DON'T GO NEAR IT. DON'T TOUCH IT WITH A 50FT POLE

Honestly, what you really, really, really, really need to do is rekindle the spark with your H. Being bored is NOT a good excuse to cause pain and heartache and heartbreak to your H, you and everyone else this will affect.

Believe me.

You CAN rekindle that spark with your DH. You owe it to him to rekindle it. I'm 55 and I have and amazing and exciting sex life with my H. Sheesh, we have sex more than 3 or 4 times a week. So much for "older" people losing the urge or the excitement.

The best advice I was ever given was to "have an A with my husband". That meant having surprise lunches, looking good, wearing sexy underwear just for him. Making sexy remarks in inappropriate places. (the grocery store, the hardware store). Flirting with him, brushing up against him, teasing him. The whole nine yards. Why shouldn't married people do this?

Oh, and everything Cat said. "Boring people are bored". That's a quote that always appeals to me.

Our MC told us that people forget to nurture their marriages. People who've been married a long time think "is this it?". There is NO reason for people who have been married a long time to be like this.

BTW my H and I will have been married 35 years this year.

You say sex with him revolts you. Has it always "revolted" you or is this something that has happened recently? You should be a "sexy middle aged couple". I found that thought very appealing.

Concentrate on your marriage, not some old flame. Again, just trust me on this.

Ah i know you still love me ... I have never met this person but we have talked online 4 years about kids family our partners my hubby knows about him as they often through me talk sport.. But his marriage is in trouble and he is going to leave her, so he has been flirting with me. i have been thinking for a while of deleting him cause the whole thing makes me uncomfortable. he is pushing to meet me but that will never happen. I mean really i could end up with my throat slit!! So consider it done deleted and blocked the ways he should be thanks hon xxx

yes i know it is no excuse and the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone. But im thinking i dont even want anyone at all i wo
would be better on my own
kez

i have never met thing guy just have talked online to him 4 years so its not ever likely to happen as i am a BIG chicken and im not really a mans woman im a girls girl men make me nervous...I must asy i dont really know what im doing anymore
kez

This is all very good advice thankyou so much
kez

Kez, that took bravery to admit that here. I'm glad you've told us. That's the first step.

It sounds like you know it's wrong, you just need some help stopping, is that right? There are articles here that talk about how affairs start, and how the adrenaline rush and other hormones actually affect your brain like a drug. That's why it's so hard to stop. You seriously can get addicted to the rush of those brain chemicals.

It's good that you're seeking help to stop. Over and over and over, we see that the only way to end an affair, whether it be a PA (Physical Affair) or an EA (Emotional Affair) is to stop all contact. No more contact for life. With a letter to the other person stating as much. And with full disclosure to your H.

That's hard, yes it is. You will need every ounce of help you can get, especially from MB.

ITA this might be better over on GQII. Your choice though. If you decide to go to GQII you could either just go there and start a new thread, or you could ask a mod to move this.

Or, you could even just reply to the thread I started on GQII where I asked Mel to bump her "groping husbands" thread, I'm sure the vets will read that.

Stay with us, ok?

Um whats GQII and how do i get there ill have to get Lil to get me there and why do i want to go there? ummm hubby knows about this man and nothing has happened i just know it could if i want to. I guess its someone new finding me attractive when i have a low opinion of myself and how i look Perhaps breast implants will cheer me up more lol sigh i dont know my head is in a frenzy now ive started to talk about it
kez but ps thanks for your imput

Kez my sweet, Flick has gone to the station to organise leave for the funeral so i ahve 5 mins. GQ2 is 'general questions 2' its the infidelity board, its were I posted where Flick was in his affair. The people there advise on affairs weather they are EA's or PA's. However if as you say its a might one day become EA then staying hetre is prolly best.
If you do want to move it, just click on 'notify' under your first post and ask the mods to move it, i give permission and declear you the thread owner.

As far as not being attractive.... are you nucking futs? Jayne, look at my frinds on FB, Kez is a friend there and look at her pic. She is beautiful! I hope to be half as good looking when i am her age, I aspire to be like her. Not to mention all her acomplishments!
Kez, dont run yourself down, you dont need implants, and

hi there im thinking ill stay here as i have deleted everything and i think i want what i have.. Ive never had a good self image and one of the problems in not feeling good about myself is not wanting him to look or touch me.. He has never been allowed in the bathroom with me as i get embarrassed so i guess for all you guys you have your work cut out with me.. But thanks Lil for the lovely compliments xx

Have you ever told him this? It would be a great starting place for you two to become closer, if you can talk about it and maybe try some things that make you feel more in tune with each other.

Just FYI, just because your H knows and hasn't said or done anything about it doesn't mean it doesn't negatively effect him. Men do not like to admit that they are jealous...especially when they cannot concretely point to any strong evidence.

Why do you have a low opinion of yourself...does that tie into not wanting SF...do you feel used as an object perhaps? You said that your H does not show you affection accept for the purpose of getting SF? Are you saying he won't hug or kiss you unless he's in the mood?

yes he does know he says im beautiful but i think he just wants sex so i dont take him seriously sigh
kez

Whats FYI? Umm not sure why i think badly of myself i always have.. Yes because i feel unattractive i dont want him looking at me. He doesnt come near me at all unless its for sex.. And i dont go near him incase he wants sex which i hate
kez

kewwy, what do you do for yourself? Do you work? Do you have friends who you go out to eat with or go to the movies with? Do you have a hobby that involves meeting other people?

I would recommend this as a first step - expanding your life, doing more, gaining confidence in yourself.

Yes im a hairdresser, i work part time. Ive got lots of friends but i am a home body and prefer to stay home. Hubby loves being home too so we are suited there. I also have 3 sisters who i adore and i see a lot of them.. So i do have a big network of people. I read heaps, ive got a motorbike that i ride. I sew, paint and i am a keen lead lighter. I am also doing a course in Childrens counseling. So i have heaps to do and i see lots of people.
kez

Hubby home today and we have no kids i dread what it will lead too...Was to hot to walk the dog sigh.Cause that would have been good to do together. Im not going to well.I feel like he will want sex tonight and i feel sick about it. I feel sorry that i reject him..
kez