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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 596 |
I think that you should still try to work it out. It does sound as if you are really not at the point of calling it quits becasue you still have questions of should I go or leave. When you are at this place I don't think that you should make any drastic decisions because if you do, you will probably always look over your shoulder and wonder and think if you made the right decision. You might have more pain, doubts and bad feelings for her which you will express to other people that can last a lifetime. I have seen this behavior in many people that have gotten a divorce, they are still bitter towards their ex. The truth is if you yourself get yourself cleaned up and do whatever you possibly can for yourself and for her that one day you can leave with the least amoun of pain for yourself. The decision to the end the affair and live a life of honesty is ALWAYS the right decision. Eyesonthesparrow, Your time here will be rough if you suggest people weigh the benefits of staying in the affair so they don't have regrets about ending it.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,249
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,249 |
[quote=tst]
From your first post: * After remaining faithful to her, but not very loving, for 17 years I started an affair last fall that has just ended
and now: You asked, so here goes... The affair isn't really over yet. OW first talked about breaking up a couple of weeks ago. She is starting to feel guilty about her husband and child (who are living in the other country). I was upset/hurt/angry and we argued on several different occasions. I said I couldn't spend time with her for a while since we both need time to think. The more time away from her, the more I want to go back to my wife, but I'm afraid it's the opposite for the OW. Tonight when I got home there were 5 emails from her in my inbox... all apologizing. (I did reply to a couple of them because I felt bad for her)
Yes. My life is a mess. But this discussion has really helped me. I won't even mention reconciliation to my wife if I haven't completely ended the affair first. Until you can be honest with yourself, how do you expect your wife to believe you? I hope this works out for you. I can see that you are torn. I will admit that I am a BS so I have a hard time understanding the WS mindset. It is too fresh for me. Maybe a veteran recovered FWS can help you. As a BS, I wouldn't want to be your backup plan if you can't even decide if your affair is over or not. Have you thought about what you are doing to her family? Your family? All the children involved? Is this who you want to be? Is this a life that you can be proud of? Do you want to be the man that helped destroy two families? Is that what love is to you?
Over it.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,535
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,535 |
END THE A NOW. You have more or less admitted to yourslef that it is over anyway. You sound a bit like me in the final weeks of my A, not sure whether to let go or not. Get on and do it for your own sanity as well as everyone elses.
I think you should get on and tell of the A.
Tell your W everything.
I told lots of others - family and friends of my A, I knew everyone was watching every move I made.
Do NC as far as you can until she leaves, if your wife is OK for you to continue working not too far from her til June then continue, but make sure you are totally transparent and make yourself accountable to someone else at work. Get rid of emails and block her, change your cell number and give your W access to all passwords.
If W is not happy I suggest that it is worth taking unpaid leave - requesting a sabbatical or something until OW goes.
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 134
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 134 |
Hey Fred. I was just wondering how things were going. I do try to keep up with those I feel I can trust and those that need real help. How are things?
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