Hi HH, stand strong tomorrow. I am sure that H will be very uncomfortable. Be detached but look happy if that makes sense. If everyone is there with a long face it will only feed into WH's drama. H has to understand it is DD's day not his.
Glad you will have good support tomorrow.

When you mentioned about the book about sons and fathers, I thought about D15. Every week at church we usually see this Dad with his D who is about 4 and she and him are so loving and D15 always mentions it. I know it reminded her when her father used to take her to church. Sad so sad.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Tell DD good luck.

FABULOUS idea DAHLING.....

Confirmation went well. DD is now full of the Holy Spirit.

Of all the places to park, I ended up on a side road and walked right past WH sitting in his truck. I knocked on his window, waved, flashed a big smile and kept walking with my BIL. And I looked great -- new top and jacket.

Never saw WH after that. I sat with the relatives. Mass went well. Afterwards, I took pictures of DD with the Bishop and the grandparents and her friends. Then headed back to the car to beat everyone home to set out the pies and make the coffee.

Well...WH left flowers for DD in my car (he knows my code) along with a note saying how proud he is of her. And a reminder that she needs to get tires at Costco. How price conscious he is! He even left the Costco coupon for us.

Yeah...right.

HH hugs...
I was wondering how it went. So he made the invisible man appearance with the flowers. Amazing how price conscious he is with his own family. Unbelievable.
I am sure you looked great. Guess there was no pics of Dad and DD.
Glad your D did well. I know she would.

Hi you two, Hope and Holy. I'm running on empty tonight, but see you are both on. I'm saying my prayers for you two. Have a peaceful night and great day tomorrow.

Yep, the invisible man. Just what he wanted...to show up and disappear without a trace. No confrontations. No conflicts. No dirty looks. Hope he at least heard part of what the Bishop said about family and faith and the evils of selfishness.

I guess FIL talked with WH for a few minutes today. Brought up DD15 and the pain she's in missing her Dad. Of course, WH blamed HER for not wanting a relationship with him. FIL reminded WH that it's HIS CHOICES that are keeping the kids away. They were raised to know right from wrong, and they know that what WH is doing is WRONG. And tonight reminds me all the more about the way we raised our kids. To know, love and serve God. To keep His commandments. And here is their Dad - shacking up with a POSOW and her 3 kids. I mean -- what the heck? He's broken every commandment except killing someone. Oh -- wait -- he's killed my love and my self-esteem and my belief in faithfullness. Yep -- he's broken EVERY commandment.

How long before the karma bus flattens him? Maybe the Holy Spirit will speed it up a little....

Just checking in. WH texted me today asking if DS made a decision yet about college. Hummm...wonder what's up? Maybe he keeps getting asked about it and he wants to ACT like a concerned co-parent. Hard to co-parent when you haven't seen or talked to your kid in 3 months!

Again...it's all about WH saving face and not about being a Dad for DS and actually HELPING DS make a major decision for his future.

I'm starting to hate WH more and more every day.

Don't worry HH, even though it may not appear to you, they hate themselves even though they act like everything is great.

I hear that Karma bus crashing off a cliff any day now

Yeah...I hear you, Hope.

As for the Karma bus...I hope it's headed his way soon. Today I ran into a grade school friend of WHs. He heard about WH and the D and kept saying what a loser WH is and how lucky my kids are to have me.

Then I attended an awards dinner for DD tonight. Several parents asked how me and the kids are doing. They commented on how stupid WH is for missing these kinds of events.

I can only imagine the "looks" that WH gets around town. How he could never feel welcomed again at school or family events. He's not invisible. Likely why he and Bimbo leave town as often as they do.

But there is no hiding from the A. I hope the looks haunt him. I hope the guilt gnaws away at his stomache. I hope the stress becomes unbearable. I hope he realizes that he's blown it big time with me. I gave him chance after chance and it never sunk in.

I'm, thankfully, not the same pushover that I was just 3 months ago. I won't be taken advantage of ever again. And if I have to make the D "messy" then so be it.

Because the A was "messy" and each false recovery was "messy". And he "messed" with me and my self-esteem and my sanity. And he "messed" with our kids. And he even "messed" with OW a couple of times when he broke it off during the false recoveries.

Man...WH is really fu*&ed up!!

Yea!!!.....DS gave his acceptance to an out-of-town college. Next step is to get housing situated and pay rather large installation payment. We'll have to figure all of that out.

And I feel positive about letting DS go away next Fall despite the D in progress. Why should he suffer because his POS Dad left us? And the poor kid has suffered enough that maybe -- just maybe -- being away from home will allow him to escape the A fallout and the D drama and focus on being a kid again.

Affairs suck.

I asked DS if he wanted to at least text his Dad with his decision. Of course, he said no. Interestingly enough, [censored] (new name for WH) texted me several times over the past few days asking about DS's decision. And [censored] even tried calling me twice today. I just dance around when I hear my cell ring and his number pop up.

I mean...WTF? I will not take his calls. Period. Because everytime I do, he ends up bullying me and I end up crying for the next day and a half. Staying dark is the best. And if it's a freak'in emergency or something, he can leave a voice mail or message with IM.

Man -- I'm soooooo angry at [censored] when I think about what he's done to our family.

I just pray that my Shiny will be able to protect me and the kids and put pressure on [censored] to FINALLY hold him accountable for his sleazy financial actions. I mean -- really -- does paying for Bimbo's spray on tans trump DS's college education?

This debt -- as horrible as it is when I really think about it -- just might prove to be a bargaining chip.

HI HH, miss you and your honesty and guts and goddessness!

We need to be strong through all of this otherwise we will not survive.

I worked at home today because I just did not want to deal with the whole situation.

Your WH has to deal with the public and he has made himself look awful. At some point his rock star ideal of himself will become a "one hit wonder". I know he will be crashing once his wallet becomes empty.

If you look up the word "gold digger" in the dictionary there will be a picture of your OW and my H's OW!

stay care, stay strong.

Congrats on your son's college decision! I agree, it will be good for him to start college soon; he shouldn't be here dwelling on negative things.

We went college hopping this weekend. D18 got accepted to one in San Antonio, with a scholarship, but the one we saw this weekend is now her first choice. They're supposed to be reviewing her file today.

I was listening to a story on NPR this morning about paying for college. The lady said to make sure you apply for everything, even if you think you don't qualify; let them figure that out for you, cos they want your son and his money just as much as you want the college.

Did you sign up at www.fastweb.com for scholarships?

Thanks for the web link, Cat. We'll check it out.

Hi HH, wonderful that son found school. Now is the fun part filling out financial aid forms etc.

Is he happy with his decision?? One down -- two to go!

This should be a happy time, but it's really more of a stressful time since I don't have my H to talk things over with and to help make decisions.

You remember -- [censored]'s on a sabatical from fatherhood and husbandhood and realityhood and I'm left with all the responsibilities.

So I'M the one looking for financial aid.......and I'M the one downloading forms...and I'M the one going to the bank...and I'M the one running to the post office. Granted -- I would have likely done this stuff anyway, but without a helper/co-parent/HUSBAND, I have this PLUS EVERY FLIPP'IN ELSE to do.

How can I focus on ME during Plan B when I have SOOOOOOOOOO much more to do? I know, I know...I'm luckier than most with lots of family and friends for support and assistance.

But at the end of the day...it's just me and 3 teenagers. I am the ONLY parent. I am the only ADULT. And I didn't sign up to be a single parent.

Crap -- I'd like to take a vacation and know that the kids and the house and the dog are fine. But, NOOOOOOOOOOO....I'm the responsible one. [censored] plays and plays and spends and spends and lives like a rockstar with the bleached blond bimbo.

Not fair!

Long talk with FIL this evening. Seems [censored] got into it with his mother this evening. Made her cry AGAIN. What a bully!

According to FIL, he's still deep in the fog. Same song, second verse. Blames the kids for him not having a relationship with them...Says he left ME, not the kids.....And the kids don't really need him....Complained about how much money ME and the kids spend...Says the D is nobody's business but mine and his....We all just need to move on....time will heal all....Complained that I'm not taking his calls....blah, blah, blah.

FIL said [censored] was aggitated. Then...[censored] showed up at DS's track meet. Sat in his truck in the parking lot and watched DS compete.

I wonder how that feels, buddy? Watching your kid from a car in the parking lot behind a chain link fence...from the outside looking in.

Hummmmm.....what an a-hole.

Hi Holyheart

I haven't posted to you before but followed your thread and really feel for you after this last post. Looking back a year I can so identify with where you are now - I had a fulltime job, a teen daughter and 7 year old son at home, and another teen at university, and felt like I was the only adult in the family responsible for everything! (Which I was...the other 'parent' was trying to 'find himself' stumbling around in a fog after OW who was milking it for all she was worth.... Same old!!) But happy to say we're in a better place now.

2 things I wanted to say to you:

1. However things turn out, a year from now you're going to look back and be amazed at all you were able to step up and handle on your own, and at how much the experience - although I wouldn't wish it on anyone - has helped you grow and recognise your own strength and worth.

2. You ask how you can look after yourself in PLan B with so much to do? The answer is, IMHO, you HAVE TO. You have to schedule it in like - and as important as - everything else you have to do. No-one else is going to take responsibility for ensuring your EN's are met, however good your support system. So that's scheduling in exercise time/time out with friends or weekend retreats when the kids are with WS/30 minutes alone every day with a glass of wine and good music..whatever does it for you.

It's not an optional extra for when there's nothing else someone needs you to do. SO much easier said than done. But so important for you AND your kids and everyone else who is relying on you to pull them through this mess...

Aprill

Thanks, Aprill.

And you are right. Last year at this time, I was a MAJOR emotional wreck who couldn't go a few hours without crying. Now a year later -- I have much more clarity and sanity with crying spells few and far between. A year down the road and I will be AMAZING!

But I still have my moments when I grieve for H and M and the breakup of our family.

I am really more angry than sad. And this will not be good for [censored] as he pushes the D. What's the old saying? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Venting on the board helps since MB friends have been there/done that.

I'm really rocking in Plan B this time. I'm seldom tempted to call or text [censored] to yell or defend myself. I have learned to call a friend instead or compose a text and save to "draft" instead of "send."

Patience, Holyheart, patience. Talking to myself helps...as does praying.

And I'm no longer a Pavlov dog when my cell rings and his name pops up. I don't answer since the less I talk with WH, the better I am. Really!!!

As for taking time for myself -- I did just that today. Got a pedicure. Wooooooo-whooooooooo.

As for WS taking the kids for even short periods of time -- not gonna happen. WH hasn't seen the kids in 3 months except for the recent spottings at their events. Even then, he didn't approach the kids, and the kids didn't even know he was there. He hides in the crowd or in his truck since he doesn't want people giving him "the look." And the kids aren't letting him slide.

Darkness for me in Plan B....and darkness for him with OW. Black and white. Right and wrong. No gray areas anymore for me -- except the darn gray roots that seem to have taken over my head. Stress plus A plus D equals GRAY.

Good!

Better!

This is completely normal, and it's not going to stop. Over time, the emotions will become less intense and less debilitating.

It sounds like you're doing well, HH. Keep posting.

Thanks, Guy.

I know I'm doing well. I just need a pat on the back once in a while to reaffirm this.

I know this is a marathon/dodge ball/Survivor situation.

It will last a looooong time. I HAVE no choice but TO deal with it.

The competition is throwing heat aimed at my nose. Duck and cover when necessary. Try to catch the ball and throw it right back at them.

I need to outlast, outwit and outplay WH, OW and the entire A.

Bring it!!!