PS .... this is one for the books !

I can't resist ....

Holyheart has decided to go

Better to have none than a lame one.....

WAYNERD TRANSLATION:


The less you help him the more he will experience consequences.




Good job !!!!!!!!!!!!

Turn up the HEAT ... have NOTHING to say to him but ...

"I'm busy. I've got to cut you off & get going. Bye."

Offer him Z E R O information about what you are doing, when you are doing it, and with whom you are interacting.

He's fishing - Hoping you will nibble at his weak / tired / pathetic bait .... NOW is the time to be politely NON responsive.

I LOVE you guys and all your advice.

I'm finally getting it. Really...it's finally sinking in.

And I warned his parents last night to beware of his manipulation. I expect him to turn to them (boo-hoo) and ask them to intercede on his behalf.

Especially since DSs graduation is just around the corner and he can't possibly be sitting all by his lonesome self at the ceremony. Shock....What would all the other parents think??

Oh...and he mentioned that he's playing in the school's golf tournament next week.

I said "You are?"

And he said "Of course. I play every year. You're not going to run me off."

Poor [censored]. Does he not see that the other parents ALL know what he's done? And his actions don't go over too well at a small Christian high school.

Even the principle pulled me aside one day to ask how things were. He said that he probably shouldn't share this but he "hates" [censored] for what he's done.

See -- [censored] thinks he's invisible. And that may be MY fault since I've protected and defended him during most of this ordeal. I chalked it up to "midlife crisis."

But the gloves came off when he filed D. And with court day just 2 days after DS's graduation, my priorities have shifted. [censored] is no longer the prize.

I have seen the light.

How many of us have said the exact same thing? Two seasons ago when Wayzilla would still come to the games DD coached she would sit with the other teams fans.

This year she did not attend a single game out of the 19 DD coached. Not one.

And then they ask for our help to fix things between them and the kids. Yep, Wayzilla did that 2-months before the D was final too. Why can't the kids just see how important THEIR happiness is? What's wrong with the little ingrates?

Waywards. It's a violation of local civil codes to kill them and they make poor plow mules.

Yeah -- can't we all just get along? gag....

And [censored] was "the Dad" at the kids' sporting events - meaning he sat right in the pack of parents and grandparents yelling the loudest...always chatting it up with the coachs and refs (zebras)...getting to know all the kids and offering suggestions to improve their performance.....bribing the team if they won certain games -- like the County championship (he paid for the post-game pizza party)...going to a lot of the practices to help out....keeping stats...etc.

See [censored] used to be a BIG sports guy and a natural at just about everything. Football MVP senior year of H.S. (I was a cheerleader). Played college ball, too. Great at baseball, softball, basketball, surfing, even bowling. Everyone wanted him on their scamble team because he was often the clutch player making the birdie to win the tournament. The kind of guy that would beat everyone even at a game he had never played before. Always competitive. Always good natured. Fun as hell. Biggest smile you ever saw. And genuine. Always willing to help the other player. Never -- Never-- losing his temper!

He's used to be the guy everyone admired. And I'm not just saying that. Everyone from grandmas to babies LOVED him. And he was always "constant." Same guy throughout the 30 years we've been together. Honest, loyal, steady.

So now...when he shows up which is pretty much never...he either sits in his truck in the parking lot or in the distant bleachers with an earpiece in his ear. He's either listening to music or texting or talking on his phone. Trying to looking busy, but really just looking out of place.

It was like a switch went off when the A began. He was suddenly moody...distant....preoccupied...never home. Quick at losing his temper with me and the kids. WTH? And he stopped following the teams he loved the most. Even missed one of DS's HS football games -- And this was DS's senior year. And DSs been playing football since 3rd grade (flag).

And the kids just wanted their Dad back. The "constant" guy who worked with each of them on their particular sport. The Dad who threw passes to DS in the front yard....who served killer volleyball serves to DD over the net in the backyard....who threw the waterpolo ball back and forth with other DD in the pool....

The Dad who sat with the other parents, who chatted it up with the coaches, who yelled the loudest, who took the team out for pizza, who got to know their friends, who practiced with them at home.

But that Dad is gone...long gone. And the kids feel the void in regards to their sports. To go from a larger than life FUN and INVOLVED Dad to no Dad. Big, dramatic difference.

Hey, everyone....Just checking in from a pretty good PB.

And what a wonderful weekend is in store for me. I will be spending the bulk of it finishing up disclosure forms for meeting next week with attny. What fun!

But I do FEEL stronger than ever which I attribute to avoiding contact with [censored]. Boy -- this Plan B thingy really works.

As for Plan D -- it will be SOOOOO NOT friendly. Lengthy, messy, painful, costly, ugly.... That should about do it.

Can't let [censored] get away with being a d*ck.

See -- I'm now in the anger stage. Anger at way [censored] is ignoring the kids. Anger that [censored]'s timing in horrible in that court day is same week as DS's graduation. Anger that [censored] is financially screwing us by supporting OW AND her kids.

Sorting throught the credit card statements puts a lot in perspective. For instance, on the exact same day I was spending $167 at Target, [censored] spent $2,538 for a suite in Las Vegas.

I WANT JUSTICE!!!! And what more do I have to lose?

$2,538

I'm sorry. Your WH sounds so much like my WH. It's amazing to see that total turn around isn't it? There's been a couple times in the last month or so at ball games or practices where even the girls commented "mom, I think everything will be OK. He was like the old dad tonight" but, the very next morning- alien is back & then it shows up at the next ball game & not only looks miserable- he makes everyone around him pretty miserable too!!
It stinks.

Yep, it stinks.

And pretty much nightly, DD15 texts him before she goes to sleep "Are you yourself today?"

What more can you say? A 15 year-old kid has it figured out. It's not me nor the kids nor even the POSOW -- it's HIM. He is not himself. He has a problem.

We can all see it...when will he? (Hint, hint: Look in the mirror, buddy.)

HH, hey girlfriend. thinking of you. here is a poem called man in the mirror




I looked at myself today, just to see what was left to ignore
I saw something I never could have been ready for
I saw a weak man who dreamt he was strong
I saw a writer singing someone elses song
I saw an ugly man with a handsome mans grin
I saw an angel devoured by personal sin
I saw someone who wanted to run but had no legs
I saw a rich man that started to beg
I saw a madman that wanted to fly
I saw a wise man who wanted to die
I saw someone alone that longed to be felt
I saw someone who thought he was somebody else
I saw a man who was painted with hate
I saw a man that confused fantasy with fate
I saw a man that made his own hell
I saw a man, he looked like myself.
mhmm
....yeah

Yep, the man in the mirror missed another milestone with the kids -- their Jr./Sr. Prom.

And the man in the mirror has several upcoming events surrounding DS's graduation that he may or may not attend depending on who he sees in the mirror that day.

I just want to reach in that mirror, grab that man by the throat, and throttle some sense in him for putting us through this hell.

And the last time I looked at that man in the mirror, he resembled an old, stressed out, pale, sickly, balding, self-centered, unattractive guy who is not right with God.

Ahhhh....but when I last looked at the woman in the mirror, I saw a young, tan, beautiful goddess radiating with love and unselfishness who is right with God.

$2538? I sure hope you keep that one for your court date. My WH gave OP money to pay for her trailer so she wouldn't lose it, but he will not give us any proof. Just says he loaned her money and she paid it back. Yeah she did. My atty is getting ready to slap him with motion to ? (whatever that is to make him produce something).

Keep to PB girl. It's the only thing that you can do to protect yourself from this madness.

Here's my stubborn streak. I would sit down and run up a list of things you always wanted to do with the kids (museums, parties, trips, etc.) that you never did, and add in enough things to add up to that $2538. Slip that piece of paper into a card. Add a copy of the credit card delineation, with the $2538 highlighted. Nothing else. Don't even sign the card. Hopefully, he will be at graduation; hand him, or ask a family member to hand him, the card.

Good idea, Cat. But I'd rather do it using the $12,000 cashier's check he gave her. I have the original receipt. Haaaaaaaaaaa...and he has no idea.

Hummm....that would just about cover DS's first year of college tuition or a nice down payment on a new car.

And CL - Believe me -- I have tons of proof of "noncommunal" expenses. I'm almost getting excited about socking-it-to-him in court.

Interesting thing is that a cousin of a friend warned both me and [censored] that OW would take us to the cleaners based on her track record with xH#1, xH#2, and her past BFs. I even talked with a x-BF who told me how she cleaned out his ATM account and basically conned him into spending loads on her for trips, jewelry, etc. But [censored] said it would never happen to him and xBF was just sore that she had dumped him.

The sad part is that this time she did it to a married man with a family. And I guess the sex is so good with her, [censored] had no problem digging us in deep financial [censored].

But the gravy train is drying up.

I'm right there with you now. My STB ex-wife left the kids with me over and over without thinking twice. It's funny that they continue to rely on us to be the stable parent. It's a passive admission that we are the better parent. Heck, my wife has actively admitted this. Then out of the blue she shows up to be super-mom. Even this is selfish! It's the one thing they cling to in their gigantic moral crisis. I'm a total POS, but look, look, I love my kids! I'm a good mom! Trust me, when you fight this person in court, you will have far more staying power. They have continually demonstrated that they take the easy way and the selfish way and it won't change in the custody battle.

Zen, I agree.

I've said this before -- they (our waywards),unfortunately, know us TOO well. This is to our disadvantage.

They KNOW we will continue to be the responsible parent whether our wayward is living with us or not.

They KNOW we will make sure little Johnny gets to school on time and has cupcakes for his class party.

They KNOW we will never jepardize our kids' safety by engaging in risky behaviors like drugs, alcohol or sex while we're caring for the kids.

They KNOW we won't bad mouth them because we don't want our kids hurting more than they already do and we don't want them to be damaged more than they already are.

They KNOW we'll go overboard "making it up" to the kids -- whether we take them shopping more, or for ice cream more often, or let them stay out past their curfew.

Our waywards count on us to cover for them. So we have to become Super Parent with all the added time and effort and money it entails. We have no choice!

And waywards count of other family members and friends to feel sorry for us and the kids and to help out more.

And our waywards just play and play and spend and spend and bang and bang.

And we just plod along doing the work of two parents, plus all the added responsiblities of the house and yard and cars. See what I mean? Plan B is a vacation for the WS.

And we, the BS, hurt from the betrayal and the abandonment and the added stress and the lack of sleep. And on top of that, we work on the legal stuff while trying to uncover the financial stuff. And it's another slap in the face to see in black and white each seedy credit card transaction for trips or meals or gifts that were not for us.

And they KNOW we will continue to pray for them.