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I don't recall there being one thread specifically discussing the need to DOCUMENT activities of one's WS (or the OP for that matter)
I'd like to begin by inviting everyone to add their own pearls of wisdom about how to DOCUMENT effectively.
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copied from another thread:
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And keep a journal of all activity - starting today.
Make daily (dated) entries of any and all WH contacts.
in person
phone
text
etc, whatever
also make a log of people who you told:
"I had to cut off contact with WH because he physically attacked me during several arguements about his adultery."
Like this: ~~~> "Today our school principal asked how I was and I answered; "I had to cut off contact with WH because he physically attacked me during several arguements about his adultery."
Journal EVERYTHING. Just the facts. No feelings or assumptions about WH's motives.
Like this: ~~~> "Today April 3, WH sent a text saying: "You bi-ch, you will pay for this." I did not reply."
NOT like this: ~~~> "Today April 3, WH sent me a nasty text. Why is he so mean?"
See the difference?
DOCUMENT
DOCUMENT
DOCUMENT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copied from another thread (written by Chrysalis)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little hint about documenting that I have not previously seen on this site.
Use a book that cannot easily be tampered with. For instance, do not use a loose leaf notebook with pages that can be added or subtracted.
Use a spiral notebook or a bound blank book or a student essay book. Date every entry as you write it.
Your writing should be just as it is, with mistakes, different pens, bad grammar, whatever.....
Just keep a daily record in a book that isn't subject to tampering.
That way no one will be able to easily accuse you of adding facts later. You might also note other significant events of the day, such as stock market crashes, bad weather, family birthdays-- things that document that an event happened on the exact day you said it did.
Do not make this a journal about your anger over your spouse's adultery. Just facts.
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Keep the documents in a safe, secure place that your WS does not have access to.
BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
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Your writing should be just as it is, with mistakes, different pens, bad grammar, whatever..... This is so important. The original tired looking book with original entries holds more validity in a judge's hands than a typed, neat and tidy copy. Photocopy (2 sets) the originals at intervals, and keep them safe with trusted friends. Each knowing who has a copy. Document facts regarding the children. eg. H/W supposed to have DD/DS this whole weekend, never did show up and no phone call.
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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Mortarman is a walking testimony to documentation. It put him in the catbirds seat both from a legal and marriage building point of view.
I don't know how to post links, but he has stressed this to many BS in his posts.
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Put the WS's comments IN QUOTATION marks.
Like this ~~~> WH said: "I think you are crazy."
NOT like this ~~~> WH accused me of being crazy.
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Is it OK to keep journal on computer instead of notebook? I tried the notebook, but would go a few days and then forget. This may have been due to the fact that I was journaling at home and needed to keep it hidden from the kids. Now I journal at work first thing each morning.
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Is it OK to keep journal on computer instead of notebook? I tried the notebook, but would go a few days and then forget. This may have been due to the fact that I was journaling at home and needed to keep it hidden from the kids. Now I journal at work first thing each morning. Needs to be admissible in court.
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Make copies also of:
* pertinent cell and landline phone bills
* pertinent credit card statements
* financial year ends for past 2-3 yrs
* any M agreements
* any pertinent WS handwritings, like little secret notes that you find
Keep them with the copies of journal
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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What do you mean by M agreements? I have several things WH wrote and signed during each false recovery. One is handwritten that he would pay for everything. One is the no contact letter to OW stating that he would never D me. One is an agreement he, I and the kids signed stating that he would end the A and commit to the family.
He broke every one of the above promises. He filed for D and I just got notice today of first court day for May.
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What do you mean by M agreements? I have several things WH wrote and signed during each false recovery. One is handwritten that he would pay for everything. One is the no contact letter to OW stating that he would never D me. One is an agreement he, I and the kids signed stating that he would end the A and commit to the family.
He broke every one of the above promises. He filed for D and I just got notice today of first court day for May. Heck, I'd copy them all ... you just don't know what might disappear that you wished hadn't.
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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Somebody say document??
Since dec 08 I have journaled 99% of everything that happens in my life/house/family.
Electronic is the way to go.....
I use an iPhone. Emails to teachers, daily journals, pictures of kids, grocery lists, WW car not in driveway. I installed facebook mobile. Took kids on numerous trips into the city...snap a pic with phone....upload instant to facebook.
I email everything everyday to myself (gmail). 1 copy stays on my phone and 1 copy stays online forever!
Keylog your home PC. It's not illegal because it's mine! You would be amazed at the things WS upload! Pics of themselves and AP....you get the idea.
When I filed for temp custody my attorney asked me for every incident WW was gone. I asked "how far back?"....nov 1st was her answer...no sweat....I forwarded approx 25 entries from nov 1 till jan 17th....took about 15mins.
Me 35
W 31
D12
D9
Exposure day 12/29/08 (Ws 32nd bday)
I wanted to fix marriage June 1st
A found out June 11th
W came home August 18th till the end
BS papers from her Oct 2nd
Real papers from me Oct 17th
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Is it OK to keep journal on computer instead of notebook? I tried the notebook, but would go a few days and then forget. This may have been due to the fact that I was journaling at home and needed to keep it hidden from the kids. Now I journal at work first thing each morning. Needs to be admissible in court. If you journal using a computer, I suggest that you use the feature in Word called "track changes". When you print or save to a CD, it will have every change to that document highlighted, and can be printed out/viewed. That's what we did, and it was accepted by the judge as well as the social worker who did the home studies.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Just read through this thread -- is this encouraged in fault states or for custody?
I've journaled and have copies of some of his emails to OW, etc and some phone bill records, but would I even need them in a no-fault state?
Me:BS40
WXH:42
DD15; DS13; DD6
D-day:6/30/08 & 10/25/08
WH moved out 9/15/08
D: 1/15/10
"So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you, because it's happened, doesn't mean you've been discarded." -- Big Country from "In a Big Country."
"Keep calm and carry on." -- Winston Churchill
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I'm in Oregon (no-fault) and no one was interested in the documentation I kept, it had no bearing. It might having bearing in a custody hearing though if you have children...
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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yea i'm pretty sure logs don't work in no fault states
i made mine for personal reasons
FBH, 39
Now a primary custody dad
New life began June 2008
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Oh hell I wish I'd have thought of doing this! I'd have helped me keep her crazy-making straight! I'm going to start now.
BH me-26
WW -26
married 3 Yrs together 6 yrs
DDay Jan 2009
Plan A/Planning B
D Coming Jul 8th 2009
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Remember, "when in doubt, write it out."
You never know when it's gonna be that extra nudge in your favor.
And we are a "no fault" state...and the lawyer I spoke to encouraged me to do this.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Bump for newbies and any additional great advice about how to effectivly:
DOCUMENT
DOCUMENT
DOCUMENT
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