Yes, I started Lexapro about 10 days ago.

Oh good. I'm not sure how fast Lexapro kicks in. I understand it is very good.

I took Zoloft and Paxil, and noticed a big difference in about 21 days.

How are you doing at work? Or are you off?

I like my anti-depressants. It has been several months for me and I am stronger. My husband was at the house on Monday, we talked, some about relationship, mistake. however, I have not heard from him since. I believe that he misses his home because he said that things looked very nice and that he has a lot of work to do, however, I have not heard from him. I have sent him a couple of text, short, detached, and I hope pleasant, one said " I am not in control " the other said " be happy in the moment because this is your life" oh yea! I sent him a little prayer on his email yesterday. I will continue to work Plan A. go try to give him pleasant thougts of us. He admitted that his friends told him he should have never left his home and that he needs to return. He is stubborn. who knows! His mother is in contant contact with me, and is truthful about things, she invited me to church a couple week ago. She has her family in on this and just yesterday she said that she is going to get a family memeber that he respects to talk with him. We will see, right now, I am going to take care of myself.

You do the same. He will be in contact, just work on you as much as you can, I still so much advise myself.

I don't understand. My son just left here mad at me because he says I won't do anything bu mope. That is all I feel like doing right now.

I feel like we are giving him everything he wants right now. We don't contact him or say anything to him about how he has hurt us so he can just stay over in his new condo, decorate it, have dates with his OW, and never have to think about us or even feel badly about what he has done. I think as time goes on that he will get more entrenched in his new life and just never think about us. I think that the more time that goes on like this, the less likely he is to ever come home.

Today I feel like going Plan B. Even when I've emailed him a couple of times, (light and no relationship talk) his responses have been cordial but cool. Never initiates contact with me. 6 weeks ago I was his best friend. Never initiates any contact with me.

I am doing a little better than I was. Impossible to do any Plan A with the way it is.

Would Plan B make him wonder if I might move on or would it even bother him. It may be exactly what he wants.

Are you still working?

Yes, I have to. No more vacation left but do have FMLA.

Just wondering, because part of Plan A is exposing the affair. It sounds like this would be very hard for you to do. But that is what usually ends the affair.

Need advice please. Yesterday, because my WH never contacts me, against all advice, I wrote him a letter asking why he refuses to at least be friends with my son and I. I also outlined all the reasons why we should not get divorced.

His response back was basically that he thought I had been unfair by taking his guitars. Never mentioned the guns which are worth a lot more. Said he had asked for 2 of the guitars because he needed to play them and said I had been unwilling to be his friend because I had not given them to him when he asked.

He didn't comment much about the letter which also had a lot of questions about taxes, etc. Just kept asking for guitars. We talked back and forth on email all day. Several times I asked if he had filed for divorce and he ignored question.

Finally, said that I don't understand anything about how he is feeling and that he needs me to listen and not just make assumptions about how he feels. Still wouln't answer the question and ended it by saying that we need to talk in person about the letter. Says he is coming over tonight at 8:30. It may be that he is only coming for guitars. I want an answer to my question before I give him guitars but should I just give them to him anyway?

It is the first time we have communicated much at all. What does this mean? Is he filing for divorce? He didn't say he loved me but said " I am not upset with you and don't have bad feelings toward you."

RNmom

Your H cares more about his guitars than he does his family??? His own child? This does not make any sense to me at all. Why does he want them sooooooooooooooo badly? I would certainly not give them to him. He is manipulating you with these items...if you give me my guitars, I will talk to you...wow, that is just shocking to me honestly.
Seems that if he had filed for D you would have received something but I'm not sure. Maybe you should call an attorney--have you done this?
Exposure is key if you want to end his A. Plain and simple.
But, you asked what does this mean? It means he is manipulating you and jerking you around--all because of some guitars.

RN you are still looking for validation from your husband. He is not your H right now but a wayward. He will lie.

I agree about exposure at work. Go to HR. Does OW work for H? It is wrong. Plain and simple

Stop trying to negotiate with him, don't give him the guitars -- he will not like you any better. Stop trying to second guess him. He is in deep with the OW right now and does not care for you or your son because he is in a fog. All energy is going into the A. These are hard truths. It is like dealing with an alcoholic -- you can't.

Hi RNMOM - I just read your story and wanted to send you my prayers. I know you are so sad right now and feeling horrible. Do you have a close friend that you can call and talk to? That really helped me when I was at your stage. Just a thought. Please don't go through this alone! I talked to my sisters so much and they really made me feel so much better.

I think that Plan A is about being the better person. I wouldn't hold his guitars hostage. I don't believe it is about the guitars. It is just typical WS fog-babble. You have to be blamed for something in fogland. I would try to rock your plan A when he comes over. You don't get many opportunities with him.

OK I need support right now. I emailed him today asking if he was filing for divorce and he never answered. He was supposed to come tonight at 8:30 to pick up guitars but I called and left message for him to let me know if he was coming. No return phone call from him.

I don't believe he will show up because I think I'm getting ready to be served. I am scared to death of someone ringing my doorbell at 5 in the morning to serve me. I feel like I'm going to freak out....

Well he did show up for guitars. Stayed about an hour and was very nice. Said he wanted us to work on our friendship right now and that he is still seeing counsellor and said just don't put any pressure on me right now. Also said he was not filing for D and that he planned to sends me check to help with son and some bills.. Praise the Lord. It went so much better than I thought it would.

Glad it went well. Friendship is a good place to start over. Hang in there. I know this is really hard. There are a lot of people here that you can vent to.

I have not heard from him since he came for guitars. Tonight I'm feeling really insecure and sad - wondering if he was just nice because it got him guitars. He was sick the night he came. I said something about OW and he sort of threw up his hands and said something like "Oh thats a real mess and I don't really feel like talking about it right now"

He is supposed to bring a check by Monday. I've played it pretty cool this last week but feel like calling him tonight and asking "Just what is your relationship with her? Do you love her?" I know he never tells me he loves me anymore. Told he parents he wasn't dating anyone seriously and makes all of this about him needing time away to figure out what he wants.

Am I being played for a fool? Or was the other night a good thing that he was so nice to me? Talk me out of calling if I shouldn't.....

Just to reiterate what I said before. Please stop the relationship talk, read about Plan A and give it a try when you do talk to him. You are fairly early into this. STEP BACK. Stop reacting. Get your Plan A going. Don't talk about ow.

Miss M,

You are so much help to me when I need it. I appreciate you. You always talk me into the high road.

Love in Christ,

RN

thank you.

Just step back and breathe. Do everything you can to fulfill his EN's when you can.

Get the house clean, support your son, and pray, pray pray!!!

Hope those anti-d's help you soon.

Just know that we are here for you.

Crying, begging, and LB's are not going to get your WH back.

Just know I am praying for you. You are WORTHY!!! Start acting like it.

God has a plan for you!!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M