ZW - I've bumped a thread for you by Starfish, entitled. Betrayed Spouse - It is the fear.

I hope it helps you as it helped me.

X

You mentioned that she physically attacked you in an earlier post so you do have a case for a restraining order against her, it will get her out of the house at least.

She wasn't drunk? I don't believe it. If she wasn't then that means she made a clear-headed, sober decision to sleep with the OM though. I'm not sure which is worse. I had the exact same thing said to me Zen.

don't be gone when she gets off work. Make sure you are home first.

Zen, plan B may be the right thing for you, but I am not sure she doesn't need a real dose of Plan D reality. I am sure you need it.

I fell so badly for you because I know exactly how you feel down to the same script by the same WW. It nearly killed me.

MyRev was right. You need to detach to where indifference is your feeling rather than malice. Easy to say, tough to do. But once you get there, it feels good to honestly not care.

I'll check in on you later.

PS Don't get angry with your brother and family when they tell you to divorce her, she is no good etc. etc. They are saying that because they love and care about you.

I'm sorry, ZW. Plan B.

Zen, ever hear the old saw, 'fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you'?

How many times has she fooled you now?

I don't believe that she was just overtaken by some alien force, swept away and had to see OM. Not after reading what she was posting and what you were posting. So either she was full of BS every time she posted to her thread (and I've mentioned earlier she just seemed a bit too flip, too trite, too "pat" for my comfort level. Something about her posts just got my internal BS meter going.)

I think she has been fooling you into thinking she was really trying. All along she was trying to figure out how to cake eat.

Zen, I know she's your wife and you love her. But there's not much to like about her. She's selfish and self absorbed. If nothing else, your children are watching this and will grow up thinking this is how married people treat each other. Don't do this to them.

Plan D.

ZW,

I was on my riding lawn mower ... just letting my mind wander ... and something HIT ME, and I stopped to come in and make this post.

YOU NEED TO LEAVE THIS PUBLIC MESSAGE BOARD!!!

Listen ... Coho knows that you're here and what has been posted. Don't let her use/twist any of this against you in court.

* Pick a few posters who you like and take this advice/venting/strategy to private emails. Pick these people carefully ... I would suggest using ONLY those who have experienced Divorce ... baron_richtonhofer (sp?) would be a GREAT choice ... so would MEDC if he hadn't been banned, but don't pick someone who is still fighting an A and trying to save their own M. Go with EXPERIENCE!!!

* Print off all of the pages of your's and coho's posts and keep them.

* Then ask the mods to permanently delete BOTH threads.

* Give these pages to your attorney as soon as you've retained the "BEST" one in your area.

We've seen waywards use these boards against their spouses in D proceeding ... DON'T give her that option.

PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS ... an average WW is as bad, if not worse, than the worst WH. They can be plain EVIL ... and most BH's first response is to do whatever it takes to just "make all of this go away".

PLUS, you have the added misfortune of coho's experience ... she has been D'd before ... you have not ... don't discount this advantage.

She has ALREADY disengaged from you ... You need solid advice and counsel to be able to do the same.

Zen:

MR has probably posted the best advice.

You can lurk, but you can't post. It will probably be used against you.

She may have been here for the past two weeks trying to determine your plans....

IF your going to have a fight, it might be time for you to protect your sources.

I thought that Coho had turned a corner. It was just a U-turn.

LG

I have an email addy for MEDC.

MyRev is right. She has already had the divorce lesson. Also, start keeping a journal regarding everything especially regarding how often she parents the kids - and delete your thread ASAP with all the advice.

I"m just sick. Something about Coho's flip attitude just ticked me off but I couldn't put my finger on it. From her very first post 'so hey, I'm the...'

I'm really sorry.

RE: Coho's thread--ZW, print that one off ASAP. Coho can have the mods remove it at any time. If she hasn't already. In fact, if I find it right now, I'm going to save it to my hard drive in case you miss it and it vanishes.

So sorry ZW.

If you are going to delete anything here, make sure you've retained backup copies first. IMO coho's own statements are a lot more damning of her character than anyone else's.

ZW

I think I have posted to you once or twice.

I am at the tail end of my D. If you need anything I will put up my email.

The #one carpenter54@ gmail dot com

I have been reading yours and cohos threads.....

Zen: Man, I'm sooo sorry to hear the latest turn of events.

Be very careful my friend. My sens is that Rev has hit the nail on the head. Follow their directions.

Protect yourself and your children. Get to a lawyer...FAST.

I'm not a wise old veteran, but I'm here if you need to talk.

daubsnu1_at_yahoo_dot_com

Strength to you Steve McGhandi!

I am just sick to hear that she did this to you again. I feel so sorry for you and the kids. She will of course ask for another chance. I think the hard work was to much for her. And I believe that you were giving it your best effort under the conditions of the situation. I will be praying for you and the kids.

Hi Zen,

I see a bit of your problem. You are married to a clever woman that has no moral compass.

Treat her as a WAW and look after your own kids. This is going to kill you as well as your children. Separate before further damage takes place.

Your boundaries have all been broken. Sorry guy, we liked her!

hi guys, thanks for the advice.

Went to my brother's for a BBQ just to get away and try not to obsess.

Coho has been texting apologies all day. I've been just venting.

I am literally crippled. I just don't know what to do.

I talked to her hair dresser who is a very old friend of mine. She was at the BBQ. She told me some things said to her last week by Coho that were very disturbing. Very different from what I was getting at home. Very unapologetic and arrogant (a reoccurring theme?) Coho says it was just venting.

I don't think there was any plan or conspiracy in her. I think she was really trying. I have very very serious doubts as to her motivations, but she insists that it was for the marriage. For us.

Frankly, I just think she couldn't do the work. Even though she said she was committed over and over, she was just not up to it and gave into the addiction of the affair. I'm pretty sure it's as simple as that.

What I do with this is a whole other issue. If this was her best shot, she's nowhere near able to stick with it. She's just not recovery material. I wish I was wrong. But I look at the history, I've put up with more than 99% of people out there would. If she can't make it with me, she can't make it. I wish I was wrong with all my heart. I want to find some way to still leave a door open for her in the event she finds the strength to do the work.

Is there a way to do this while protecting myself? I don't think there are any diabolical divorce plans in her, but I'm sure I could be wrong, as I've been wrong over and over here.

It's not that I'm not listening folks, I just need to gather my wits and my strength again. I feel gut-punched. I feel sickened. Having to accept that she just may not have the fiber to be the wife I need - it's extremely hard.

Zen: again, sorry you are in this position after many months of trying sooooo hard to recover your marriage. Saddens me to hear you going this pain and suffering.

All the advice in the world @ mb.com isn't going to make this any better, or any worse for that matter. I think you need to do some serious soul searching my friend. And by that I mean get the kiddos to relatives (not to Coho...she's bat-poop crazy right now), and disappear for a few days, a weekend or even a week.

Get away from all the pressure of life and marriage and parenthood and just be Zen for a little while. Look deep inside your soul and really examine your marriage and Coho. Look at what you have shared in your marraige and look hard at her actions.

From what you have told us it appears your marriage was born out of Coho's unfaithfullness to her first marriage. Put you waaay behind the 8 ball before you even walked down the isle.

Add in this affair, the alcohol issues, how she has been treating you, her talking behind your back, her arrogance, her disagreeing with Dr. Harley, her continued shacking with the OM...

From the distance this doesn't look good. But we, the MB.com-ers who have followed your thread have, up until recently, only heard your side of the story. Well, with Coho coming here we got a little more of the picture. And once again it ain't good.

I think you know what you need to do. You've worked on Zen and learned a lot about yourself in these months. You have become a stronger Zen. You have become a better father. You know what it takes to be a great husband and make a marriage work.

Look long and hard at your self, Zen. Search deep inside. It is there...the answer you have been waiting for...the decision. Look for it. Do it.

D.

Zen,

Medc has given us the go ahead to pass his addy to you.

Please email us at lildoggie@ymail.com

Hey Zen,

There was a poster "abandonedwith3" whose WW did the back and forth thing a few times until one day he just stopped loving her. I think she got pregnant with OM's baby or something. I believe he either D'd her or is in the process of D-ing her. I will try and find him and bump his thread for you, or maybe someone else could if I have no sucess.

LOL, I am better than I thought.

This link takes you to when she annouced to him she was pregnant AW3's thread and how he went about ending with her. There is good stuff at the beginning as well, when he still very much wanted to make a go of it, right up until a week before her bombshell.