Zen,

I am so sorry, I really thought she was starting to get a bit of an understanding of it all in her last couple of posts.

Stoopid waywards.

Zen, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine going through the pain that you are feeling yet another time. How can someone say they love you and then cause pain beyond belief? I will never fully comprehend how WS can do this once let alone repeatedly. I have no advice for you - just sorrow at the pain you are suffering at the hands of the person that promised to love you until death. Again, I am just so sorry!

ZW,

This really sucks...

Lawyer time. This isn't foggy behavior; this is just hurtful...

I'm really sorry, ZW. The MB family is still here to support you whatever way you go.

Mark

ZW, I have read all of your story. I wasn't trying to say you should be a doormat, or anything like that. What I was trying to say was do at least listen to her if/when she comes home. Being a current BW, I completely understand your feelings of frustration, failure and hopelessness. But also being a FWW, I can see the other side. And I know that NC can be the most horrible, gut-wrenching thing, when you are going through withdrawal. I'm more or less trying to play devil's advocate. I agree with the bag packed and waiting. But I think you should at least listen to what she has to say. You will know a bulls**t excuse, no doubt about it. Again, not advising you to be a doormat. Just my 2 cents. I understand if you don't listen, tho. You have been burned too many times.

I haven't posted to you before ZW, but have read and kept up to date with your thread, and have admired you for being so steadfast in your efforts to save your marriage.

It seems to me though that instead of saving your M, you are trying to save your W from herself. You cannot do this. As hard as it is to take, you cannot save her. She can only save herself if she truly wants to.

It appears at the moment that she doesn't care enough about herself, her children or for you to do that. She is broken and you cannot fix her.

You have done all you can, and it is time for her to face some consequences.

I am so sorry. You have done everything possible, and more.

Let her be. At the moment she does not deserve you or your children. In the future, who knows, but for now, let her be.

Again, I am sorry for your pain. You know that all us BS's here completely understand where you are, and you're not alone.

Yeah, it felt real to me. None of the attitude from previous FRs. She was so caring and loving toward me... All an act? I just don't know what to think. Every time I let her back in the door, she decides to walk all over me. There is no respect. How can she have these two people living inside the same body? Time to respect myself. I don't deserve this.

She texted saying sorry.

Came home to get her clothes. I handed her my wedding ring and told her to leave. She says it's her house too. I kept telling her no. Kinda laid into her a bit. Mostly just saying it like it is. She just said that she felt like nothing she could do was right and it was the OM's birthday and she missed him. Great.

She kept saying that I didn't recognize her efforts. How many times on this post and to her face I told her I was happy with progress, she's doing so well, this feels real.

I told her I have just stopped seeing her as someone I want her to be. I see who she is. Again, I did all the talking. She has no response, or very weak ones.

I'm sick to my stomach. There goes my family.

Protect yourself and your heart ZW...

Mark

Here's the thing. I just can't let it go yet. I just can't break up my family.

I agree, I'm trying to rescue her. She's not willing to rescue herself.

I'm just too broken down. I can't do it anymore. Why why why did it have to come to this? I'm so broken-hearted.

I'm freaking paralyzed.

I'm definitely not an expert, but maybe its time for that plan B that you were thinking about when you started your thread. Sounds like his birthday triggered her to restart the affair and she was weak. Not okay. Maybe a good plan B can still save your family and your heart.

Oh and just to be totally clear, she had sex with the other man last night. Just like 3 weeks ago.

Plan B? What does that do? Just gives her time to go further into the affair again and I just sit around pining.

I don't even know what I want. I want her to be someone she's not.

Zen - I think that your wife needs to stop drinking.

Plan B will allow her to go deeper into the affair and hopefully she will see that it is not the life that she wants. Maybe it will help it die once and for all. Maybe, a taste of life without you is in order. I can't imagine that it will not be painful for you to go to Plan B. You are already pining for her. Can it really hurt more than these false recoveries? I haven't been in your shoes so I don't know. Can you stand to do anymore Plan A? Do you think it would really help after her slipping within just 3 weeks?

She said she wasn't drunk. I don't even care.

What are your boundaries ZW? Does she know where your boundaries lie? She has gone too far. You cannot allow her to continue trampling on you like this. She is losing respect for whatever boundaries you have.

You must draw a line in the sand now. Tell her what she needs to do to come home. Keep the door open if you must. I know you still love her. That is clear to us and to her, but she is abusing you and your love for her. She knows you will take her back no matter what she does, so this behavoiur will continue. You cannot want this life? Surely?

She can change, but only if SHE wants to. Leave it to her. Only let her back into your life when she has shown and proved that she has changed.

She does not deserve you.

I don't know what to think. SHe had to go to work again and won't be off til 11:00 or so. I'm taking my kids to my brother's so I don't have to sit here and obsess. I can obsess over there.

Pretty hard to go Plan b if she insists on living here. Plan D sounds like the best answer, I just hate it.

She hasn't made it out of withdrawal. She is still an alien. I think that she was trying. Maybe I'm just naive. She really screwed up though. I'm sure that you are raw right now. Do you think that giving yourself some time to calm down and process all of this will help you find clarity?

You can ask your lawyer about a restraining order against her to force her out and file for temporary custody of the kids and still be in Plan B.

Change the locks.