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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 39
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 39 |
myfamilyilove,
I am sorry for the confusion. My husband has not been in Vietnam for over 2 years. This affair has been over 2 years long, and since then he has been home probably a dozen times.
I am not ready to calls it quits. Don't get me wrong I have thought many times that I just did not want this anymore, but deep down there was still unresolved business. I believe that this is the worse time to get out, when a person sill has unresolved business because we will always look back and wonder if we made the right decision, if there were others things we could have done, if we our own selves matured through this process.
I see this in many people that I know that they did not go through this process and that are mad at themselves and especially their ex. Have you ever seen and heard people like this, they are very bitter towards their ex.
I am looking more at this as what I can change in myself so I can be a whole person, as whole as I can be, before I will ever have to make this decision, if I ever get there. Believe me, I have thought many many times that this will probably be it because my husband has not stopped because he is addicted. But, I also believe in hope and this tears us humans apart. One minute we believe and another we do not. I have done this at least a thousand times. At some point we have to take the bull by the horns and say not matter how much I am shaken I will presevere until I have my answer. It is a very difficult road to hang on and believe for the best, but we all can do it.
Cindy
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643 |
I think that Vladi raises some very good points. Any quite possibly if I were younger I would be reacting differently.
But for me, I have two more years to go to raise my last son through high school. It's not like I am sitting at home. I'm out living life, which is so different than I was in the beginning and I'm learning about myself. I'm healing myself. I don't want to bring a different man into my children's lives until I have gotten them through high school. So, why not give G-d the chance to work his miracle.
I'm not going to settle for the WH. I can ASSURE you. I have learned too much, I want too much. But, I'm also not on the prowl for a man.
So, my journey continues to be in G-ds hands and no matter what I do or don't do... His plan shall not be thwarted. I just have to walk.
Thanks PM for this thread.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344 |
I've read several threads here lately on MB where the BW seems so desolate, because they believe that their WH is so far gone... into adultery... into alcohol... etc... It's just not the man I married! It seems so hopeless, he hates me! I don't believe we'll ever recover. He's been gone too long!
Not only is recovery possible, it happens more than you know. In my own personal experience my husband walked away, got involved in things I never thought he'd do, had two affairs,etc.
Today a website was launched called prodigalsonly.com. My DH's on it.
My DH, who was so LOST to me and our family before, has been recorded on video giving his personal story. You can find his video by clicking "prodigal stories" at the bottom of the page. His is the third from the last one. He's the guy with the long silver hair who looks like an old hippie biker. More than that, he's the guy who came home to his family and who just graduated as valedictorian at Bible School and who nows has a practical degree in ministry.
After the hell we experienced, we are more in love now than we've ever been. He's the love of my life and I his. It is possible.
Don't give up. Never give up UNLESS and UNTIL you are sure in your OWN heart that it's the right thing to do.. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((PM and Mr. Princess))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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