Zen:

I wish you well--I feel so badly for you. I know it's so easy for us to say "just divorce her" and much harder to follow through. Between her flip attitude here, what you say she was venting to her hairdresser, the multiple times she's gone back to OM, her lying, etc.--well I agree--she is not marriage material. I'm sorry you had 10 years of your life sucked in by her but you have two gorgeous kids and you are young and the sooner you start this process, the sooner you will heal.

Her texting apologies is a lame thing to do IMO and means nothing. Follow her actions, not her words.

My prayers are with you.

I think she's leading up to ask for another chance.




Venting? It was called no "RESPECT" for the man who has loved her through this whole mess. You know how she acts, when she is not with you. This should help your resolve.


Whether consciously, or subconsiously she wants to make sure she has somebody to go to if it doesn't work out between you and her. Her type (serial cheater) needs to be loved and have her ego stroked. In a weird way, she is putting you to the test to see if she can still get you to "want" her. This strokes her ego. Some cheaters cheat out of weakness. Some cheat out of entitlement. But in the end it's all weakness of charachter.


She is lazy and uncommitted. Like a child that has a simple toy that she loves to play with. Then when some newer toy is given her she discards the old toy. If the new toy gets lost. She goes back to the old toy. But its not the same. She is always looking for the next new toy.



You need to get advice like this off line.


My friend she is not material for anyones wife. This is something she will do over and over again throughout her whole life.

Exactly ... your instincts are telling you to "not give up", but REMEMBER, your instincts have betrayed you before.

YOUR WW IS NOT WHO SHE APPEARED TO BE!!!

Right now she is somewhat nice, because she is hoping for "one more chance" from good ole ZW. Just hide and watch what she turns into once she realizes that she just used her "last chance".

She WILL become your worst nightmare in an INSTANT. I've watched it PERSONALLY and "it ain't pretty".

PLEASE ... print off these threads ... contact the mods to have the threads deleted ... and then contact MEDC, et. al. and take your plans to private emails.

PLEASE ... Don't put this off!!!

[quote=MyRevelation
She WILL become your worst nightmare in an INSTANT. I've watched it PERSONALLY and "it ain't pretty".

PLEASE ... print off these threads ... contact the mods to have the threads deleted ... and then contact MEDC, et. al. and take your plans to private emails.

PLEASE ... Don't put this off!!! [/quote]

There is a strong possibility that MyRev is correct. This doesn't mean that you can't do a careful plan B. Plan B does include seperating your finances and protecting your assets. You are not safe. She is not trustworthy right now. Her selfish actions are proof of that. I am so sorry but you must protect yourself and your children. It doesn't mean it is hopeless. You can't have the same response time after time and expect different results.

Agree!

She wants one more chance. I'm not going to talk about my intentions on the thread for awhile. I will save it and print it off this morning.

She has been in contact and seeing the OM the ENTIRE time. Both of the two more significant FRs including the last three weeks while posting here, she has been in contact with the OM. It never stopped. There is a secret email account. He comes into her work.

There has been talk on here of signing prenuptials at the beginning of recovery. Is that really an option?

Let's say I'm an idiot and I still want to give it one more chance, some way, somehow. Yes, I willfully choose to ignore all the advice I'm getting and all the writing on the wall and still try to let this have a snowball's chance in he11. How can I protect myself? I don't want to hear how stupid it is and how I'm ignoring advice - I'm not. I just want to know if there are any creative ways to protect myself. I am already doing a few things that will provide protection, but I don't want to discuss it on the forum.

Wow. You are one dedicated guy. She never stopped seeing him the entire time, she premeditated the entire false recovery, outright lying on her thread (while still being flip about it), thinking she is smarter than all of us, etc. etc.

I know you don't want to hear this but I'm having a hard time understanding why you will give her one more chance. One more chance to what? Humiliate you again? Keep on f*cking the OM and pretending everything is ok?

She doesn't have a job now, Zen. Could that be part of the reason she wants one more chance?

Zen

Sorry to hear of your pain. I would have to agree with the others. She is just a broken person - not much to say. It is disgusting that she up and jump into someone's else bed in spite of she is done already.

Personally I could not live with the mind movies of her romping in the sack with another man knowing she is hurting her husband and children. This isnt insane but rather evil.

There are more plentiful of good, decent and beautiful women out there that will provide a warm and secure home for you and your family.

She needs to be out on her own. She needs to earn your love back. And I am not talking 3 months. Look Zen, It would be different if there was any contrition. There isn't. I would be the first one to say take her back if there was true sorrow over what she did. She willfully lied to you again. All the time she was posting on her thread she was seeing and having sex with the OM.

You ask how you can protect yourself. In what way do you want to protect yourself? Materially? That can only be done by filing for divorce or doing a post nup. I don't think she would in any way do one. She is not about limiting her options. She is about eating cake and taking. Emotionally? There is no protection for this. Your heart and you and your kids happiness is on an alter to her selfish desires and she has proven time again, that she will sacrifice those precious parts of you as needed to fill her need to selfishly seek to fill her desires.

Its your call.

A condom would be a good place to start.

Look what you just typed. It NEVER STOPPED! She LIED and has a SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT.


You know what the answer is going to be...


You are not an idiot. You are a betrayed spouse who is following the BS playbook to the T. Look, we know you love her. She knows you love her. But you can never change her. Only Coho can change Coho. Try as you might, it will never change until SHE wants to change.

And judging from her actions (note, I didn't say "words", i said ACTIONS), she's not willing to give up the OM, and she LIES to you.

Looking at your situation, remembering all your history and everything you have posted here, if it were me, standing in your shoes, I would toss her junk on the curb, change the locks, call a lawyer and head straight to Plan D.

Zen, she's done. You have run this race and given it your all. And suffered through countless false recoverys. You ran a gallant race and learnd a lot about yourself.

Now do what you have been saying you will do. Be strong. You know the answer to this, just let it out. Don't make excuses. Don't fall for her lies and deceipt again. Be strong brother.

It's called a Post Nuptial Agreement.

You would need to talk to an attorney in your state. Each state is a little different.


Looks like your WW is behaving like a falling down drunk, that cannot sober up. Would a post-nup help a drunk stay sober (NC)?

No, not really!

The Post-Nup is designed and recommended to help the BS support themselves financially in the cases where a wayward has the ability to cause financial harm. An example is a stay at home mom who is also a BS.

A post-nup is an action that a WW can take to demonstrate their willingness to protect their spouse in those situations.

I think you are grasping at straws thinking that a post-nup will help your WW stay NC. By itself, It won't!

If you are going to attempt recovery after the amount of abuse that this WW has heaped upon your head, then a post-nup that would give you full custody of your kids is the minimum you should ask for in the event that you would later divorce.

I am speechless....

Excuse the t/j

Yes they do hold up in court!

But, As Always, get a good attorney!

POSTED BY SERENDIPITOUS - NOT BB. HE STAYED LOGGED IN ON MY LAPTOP AGAIN.

ZW, you will do yourself a great disservice if you simply take her back after a few apologetic texts. She isn't sorry.

She has lied. She has manipulated you. She has witnessed your pain and the pain of all BS's on here. She still chose to carry on seeing the OM. She has no respect for herself and she certainly has no respect for you.

Whatever you do next, you must ensure that it engenders some respect from her. Will accepting her back right now encourage HER to respect you. Remember HER mindset right now.

She appears to be a bit of an adrenaline junkie, going from fix to fix. Dr H writes about the addictive nature of the AP, but with your W, it appears to be more than that. She looks down and is flippant about those of us wanting a happy and contented marriage. Did she ever believe that your vows were forever, or were you just there until the excitement faded, then to be traded in.

You are an easy comfortable option when she has had her fix, but she'll soon need another rush and at the moment, you cannot provide that rush for her because she thinks you are a soft touch.

She admitted herself that she has A's when she is ready to move on, ie when the rush of a new relatonship is fading and she is becoming bored. She does not at the moment appreciate the REAL solid love that you are offering. She is a fool.

Show her the way home by all means (most of us probably wouldn't in your circumstances) but do not make it easy for her. Set the bar way high, and accept nothing less from her.

It might get her excited if you don't do as she expects, and you know that she expects you to take her back.

I am so sorry you are in this situation, but one thing for sure is you will not have a successful marriage if she has zero respect for you.

Just to add -

I hope you didnt allow her to come back home after being sweaty and soiled by the POSOM.

She just needs to stay with OM and see if he can provide for her.

Time to fire her as your wife (at least get the ball rolling) and find a replacement.

One of the reasons your wife continues to have sex with the OM, is that she does not want him striking up any new relationships. She will give him it when ever she feels the threat of him looking somewhere else. On his birthday, she did not want him out of her sight, It would have been an opportunity to pick up another woman. I mean it was his birthday. Your wife said you were controlling. She said you always took over the conversation. Your wife is all about control too. She just uses sex to keep and hold what she wants. She is more of a control freak then anybody.

You know what you need to do Zen. Now do it.

ZW,

Honestly ... let's cut to the chase ...

EVERY SECOND that you leave this thead up and even consider R with this BROKEN WW ... you are decreasing the odds of obtaining primary custody and a favorable property settlement that will haunt you emotionally and financially for decades.

We ALL understand your level of confusion ... you have never experienced this before ... and your inexperience is showing (not a criticism, but an observation). Your prior instincts have proven faulty, and you are reluctant to embrace the universal advice you are receiving from those WITH EXPERIENCE.

Time to RECONSIDER your status, and ACT!!!

You can always start a new thread, and we can work to keep any info off of it that will help that...(i use the term loosely)...person you call your wife.