Good job. Shows that your actions are all about the best for the kids, and judge would have a hard time arguing with them.

It really doesn't matter about her writing, just that you do. Just remember if she calls on the phone to record it. I think she wants to talk on the phone, because she wants to hit you for money again. TS, she chose that life.

exWW had a short discussion on what to do with the kids yesterday. Her argument:

1. I was a SAHM so the kids automatically go to me

2. I can't support myself without more child support (she actually said this)

3. Instead of paying daycare, pay me to watch the kids.

We talked a bit - I tried explaining to her how child support works but she admitted she had no idea - I sent her some links to the state self help site. Her plan still is to be a SAHM. She also said she got a mammogram for a lump. I'm in a wait and see mode about that.

On the legal front, I had an appointment with my attorney. He confirmed my thoughts - her move away is by far the biggest issue of the divorce. He said the courts don't look too kindly on move aways WITHOUT any agreement in place. But, here are the real issues

1. If we litigate, the judge's decision will set the precedence for the next 15 years. Any modifications will be difficult at best to do

2. In my case, if she gets primary residency, she's out of state. She's out of Delaware jurisdiction. It will be easier for her to move even further away and I just can not take that risk. Plus, it is another set of custody / visitation / child support laws that I have to get up to speed on.

So, despite pleadings to the from family members, I'm not settling for anything less than primary residency with me.

I'm repeating myself again, but I really don't want you to lose on this so please bear with me:
The same is true here in Canada, yet OW and WstbxH moved away from OWH with their DD (7 years old at the time). They secretly bought a house without letting OWH know until they were about to close. They would have waited even longer, but OWH had already spoken to the school principal explaining the situation (they had 50/50 custody at the time) and asked the school not to release DD's records for transfer without his signature. So when OW attempted to register DD in a new school, they asked for OWH's signature so she needed to inform him. He had very little time to act and couldn't get a court date until the following week (less than 5 days after the closing date and yes, OW and WstbxH moved ON the closing date). The judge gave her a lecture about the move but decided that what's done is done and OWH went from a 50/50 dad to an every second weekend dad just like that.

Yes and no. You can still both agree to modify anything on your own. If one doesn't agree, then it's back to court. But it's not even going to be 15 years - eventually the children's wishes are recognized and what you as a parent wants counts for less. It can help you prevent her from moving far, far away.


I'm so glad you recognize this.

And this too. I'm hoping for the best for you and I really am glad you are taking this route.

You are absolutely right in seeking primary residence. You have the documentation. There are a lot of people praying for you. I cannot believe your wife has a college degree. Unless she is some type of rainman. Reality is just not allowed in her world.

2. I can't support myself without more child support (she actually said this)

I would have said....Can't your piece of [censored] boyfriend help support you??? He is a Man isn't he????

I sent exWW an email detailing my custody / visitation proposal. The guts of it were:

3/4 weekends during schoolyear, kids are with her Fri, Sat, Sun night

2/3 weeks during summer kids are with her

All monday school holidays she gets the kids the extra night.

Split Spring Break.

I drive to her area for drop off Friday, we meet halfway monday morning.

This proposal comes out to about 155 overnights for her. I'm a supply chain / logistics guy and this is the most realistic arrangement I could think of given our constraints.

Here's her response:

that is a ton a day care. What happened to you wanting the kids to be in no day care all their lives? Stable- great the daycare will spend more time with the kids the you or me. Pawn your kids off on someone else and you are denying me the right to see my kids.So you know this is too upsetting and I request that you meet me and do not send other upsetting email.

It not good for my health and it is just a way for you to threaten me and control me. This is harasessment and I am requesting a meeting in person. End of discussion.

Here's my response to her:

If you are so upset over my proposals via email, what's preventing you from getting even more upset when we meet in person? That's why email is the best method because of the emotional nature of what we are doing.

As for the day care situation, what are you going to do with the kids once you get a new job? Also, you didn't seem to have an issue with the daycare arrangements when you were with JSD.

Who is JSD? Did I miss something. Is that the POSOM? What happened to that situation? Why would she want to meet in person? So she could punch herself in the eye and say you did it. Either that or she figures she can play you better in person. Maybe the life she chose, isn't going so well.

Geez, it's like reading about Mrs. ABW3 all over again.

She's coming apart at the seams, because you won't do what she wants you to.

I am not a math guy but the way you state what she gets sounds like she gets the overwelming number of days. Not sure how you calculated 155 for her but as long as it works for you then good.

JSD is where she worked at before getting fired at the end of February. POSOM is still in the picture.

30/39 school year weekends for her, 3 days per weekend, 90 days.

8/12 weeks during summer, 56 days

1/2 spring and winter break - 6 days

Monday Holidays during school year: 7 days

Actually comes out to around 160 days for her.

LOL - she's still trying to be in control?

Frankly, I would not have answered her questions with questions, and would have ignored the other attempts at button-pushing.

For example, I would have answered along the lines of "I prefer our conversations to be via e-mail for record purposes and will continue to use e-mail for this purpose."

Also: "The day care issue is in my view the best arrangement for us and the kids at this point in time, given our situation."

Goodness me..... weren't you paying attention "AGAIN" PSUBIKER... she expects YOU to fund her SAHM arrangement so she can support POSOM in the fashion to which he has become accustomed.

sorry could not resist.

don't get dragged into her arguments and YES continue to email. I'm sorry to say she cannot be trusted to NOT attempt to set you up again ... third time lucky for her she probably thinks. I feel you should never turn up alone where she is nor lacking a recording device. I would never even let her know you are home alone when she ever rings/contacts. Give her no opportunity to use against you.
She has demonstrated she cannot be trusted even under oath in a court of law.

perfect... response could be.. ok XWWS then if you are happy to no longer continue discussions I'll go with my proposals then


shooting from the hip gives her power.... careful responses may give you custody.

Just a thought. Let your lawyer negotiate with her lawyer, with you providing the max you want and what you will tolerate. Let them duke it out rather than arguing with an idiot. She is NOT going to see anything your way, because she is entitled to everything you have and want.

Let the lawyers do this, and end it.

God Bless,

JL

PS: If you think you are saving money doing the negotiating, I believe you are and will be mistaken.

I have been following your thread and am by no means any kind of expert about child custody, but because of my interstate sitch I wanted to pass along this. No matter what state you each reside in there is a uniform child custody enforcement act.
http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/189181.pdf here is a laymans
link to help if your lawyer has not yet explained it to you to your satisfaction. Hopefully this will help to ease some of your concern s.

Also I agree with JL- let the lawyers duke it out, that is what you pay them for. It is also a very effective bargaining tool, once she continues to get billed for her lawyers time over her unreasonable behavior she will either run out of money or stupidity, in her case it looks like it might be the first. Sorry, she just sounds awful- keep at it, I hope you can get custody those kids need some stability.

Her comments about you always trying to control her, are mystifying. And based upon her decisions, which at every turn has been the absolute wrong move, I would say that she needs to be controlled if not committed.

Waywards are such a pleasure to deal with!

Anyways, we have three mediations coming up.

5/14/09- Child support mediation because of her lost job. Trying to get more money from me

5/18/09- spousal support. This will get thrown out. She never requested jurisdiction for alimony and her request was for interim support until the divorce decree is issued. Plus, she's been cohabitating. I will motion for this to be dismissed

5/18/09 - rule to show cause. This probably will get thrown out too since she techinically hasn't done anything.

Either way, we are in a pickle. She moved, we have 50/50. One of us is going to be unhappy when all is said and done. Right now her proposal is for me to move back to our old town 30 miles away. The major issue is the old town is 30 miles from my job. With the economy the way it is and with how things are going with my company, no way do I want to move 30 miles FURTHER from a viable job market.

Doesn't she realize if you do that, it means no chance at support for her?

She really IS stupid.

It's a call for the oxymoron I like to think I invented.

If you're going to be stupid, be smart.

If she was really going to try and gyp you out of everything (stupid) then she should at least not wreck her chances by doing stupid things like try to get you away from your job. I mean, she's insulting your intelligence...

Stupid WSs are handy in the long run, though...since they don't think things through too well they're shocked when things turn out differently than they imagined.

Wasn't it Mortar Man who said " When your enemy is destroying itself, let it"