T2L, I only say this because even one less BS hurt in ways that are permanently damaging is my goal. Hearts are fickle, that is why only fools listen to their hearts (well fools and OW). Use your brain here, not the fickle organ in your chest cavity. (so to speak) That is why Dr. Harley has his methods and they work because they are logical and counter-intuitive.

I do wish you success T2L but I hope that success brings you real joy, not false happiness. God bless.

Yes, God Bless.

Hi T2L, checking in. Stay strong and you know even if there are differences of opinions on the board that we all want the same -- restored marriages that will be strong and happy and A resistant.

I can attest to T2L dealing with WH and still staying strong. I heard conversations she had with him and there was no R talk, no emotions, just direct and to the point. She could detach.

In contrast to myself that would practically fall apart and get emotional in trying to talk to my wayward and did a horrible Plan A.

I know I did a stinky set of plans - and I think that is the reason that the adultry continued as long as it did.

I just don't want that for you, T2.

Do what you HAVE to...what you think is right. That's all we can ask of you, anyway.

We just want you to be safe.

T2L, you don't need our permission to work through this time in your life however you see fit (obviously). It's your marriage, your life, and your family. Everyone here has the same hope for your marriage....that it may recover.

I do wish that you would stop referring to yourself as stronger than those who "need" Plan B. Although I recovered before I went to Plan B, I find this attitude self-righteous and a slap in the face of some of my dear friends who were strong women IN THE MIDST of maintaining a solid Plan B. They didn't Plan B out of weakness, my dear. They Plan B'd out of commitment, resolve, and self-control.

I trust the behind-the-scenes folks. They are not newbies, they know how to apply MB, *plus* they know details pertinent to this particular situation.

Cool post PLEASE HELP.

Huh? Where did you read that?

I don't think that's what T2L ment. I believe she was coming from the stand point the she has the strength to go from B back to A....which is really hard in it's self....I know a lot who will agree Plan A is very hard to maintain and draining. It takes a lot of work and perseverance to continue it.

I don't think she was knocking on anyone....she was just saying Plan B is not for her right now. If things don't work out B might be an option later on.

I do not recommend it.

My prayers are with you and your family.

So you are comparing who gets the most commitment???? You’ve got to be kidding me, T2L!

She gets 40; you get 60??? At what percentage do you decide is too much?

You said over and over these last several months that you would not settle, but it sounds like you already have.


Imagine this….

You are the wife, your husband has not stopped boinking OW in 15 months, he gives her most of his time, you know that because he STILL lives with her even though he said he was coming home, he is a part-time dad as little or as often as he feels like it, and makes no commitment to you in anyway other than saying he isn’t yet divorcing you.

Sorry had to go back and read original posts....posting from my phone and when someone quotes it cuts off like half of the right side of the screen.....love my G1 phone !



"No its not something that everyone can do because of the PTSD factor but if you are like me and you may be a bit stronger and able to handle a lil heavier load then go for it extend your PA."

Ok she is saying going from B back to plan A isn't for everyone....itls very tough....T2L is a very tough lady and she had learned to deal and go through with a longer Plan A which will be a lot harder since there was a Plan B in between plan A's. I don't read into it much more than that......it was a comment more on how she knows she has the strength to deal with the problem.....I don't read that it was directed towards anyone else but herself.


"I know that Dr. Harley expresses his time frame for PA and 1 1/2 -3 months and here's my thoughts on that. I think for some this is an ideal time frame especially if emotionally you are just not doing well or if you are a person who doesn't know your own limits. I also think there are many of us BS's who may be able to go longer

Continuation.....must have hit the character limit...

Ok she is quoting Dr. Harley...that's not her thoughts.....the only though she had here is that she believes people here do have the strength to persavere.

" Now I absolutely don't recommend what I am doing to everyone because my story is not true for everyone. I feel I am a grounded person with good morals and character and I try and search my hearts and motives in every situation. I try not to allow myself to give massive excuses and I don't feel my choice to go back into PA is an excuse but a choice. Some BS's must be in PB and there is no other choice for them."

Ok so she is adding a disclaimer that she is not an example for everyone as she is handling her own situation and the outcome is unknown. The last sentance is true.....some BS's here have done what they can and Plan B is there final resort.

But this isn't putting anyone down for going to plan B.

"The shift from B to A itself was really really hard and I do not recommend it for the faint."

This is VERY true....and not recommended by Dr. Harley. Dr. Harley has said this himself.

T2L,

You have in your sig line;

Would you please post HIS plan.


Planning to come home is NOT a plan.

Do you have a list of what you expect from your wayward if he comes home?

I know you HAD a plan that included a list of requirements in your plan B letter.
As a FWH, I know I would not take the requirements in that letter seriously any longer.

Would you please post what you are going to require from him.


Is anger management part of that plan? It should be based on;


Is going to AA & staying sober included? It needs to be based on;
and


T2L, I don't care what vets are advising you, even if Dr. H himself were in this loop, I would tell you the same thing I am saying now.......

I see way too many red flags in this new plan C

I see a wayward that is extremely abusive, anger issues prior to the A, alcoholic drinking problems, and has been in an active affair for 2 years now.
As I said before, this new plan would have made me very happy as an active wayward. Extremely happy if I were an active alcoholic too.

Regretfully, I know Mr. T2L better than most of you, as I was once him. And I'm here to remind you that....


This man is still NOT your husband!

This man is still an ABUSIVE ALIEN!

I don't think there should be any discussion on what plan is better - A or B. Nor should there be discussion on who should be in what plan / when.

There is a natural order to the MB program. And I think deviation from it, or customizing it, or making it your own version is a BIG MISTAKE.
Bouncing back to Plan A cuz you think you're tough isn't part of the program.
Bouncing back to Plan A because OW is having a meltdown isn't part of the program.
Bouncing back to Plan A because he SAYS he's coming home is NOT part of the program.

Allowing him to come around home ...inviting him to cake-eat...because he's GONNA come home is rather foolish IMO.
His words are only words.

Just like mine are....

tst:

Yeah for you for saying what probably lots of long timers are thinking.

FRIENDS of T2L:
This is not middle school. Don't confuse friendship loyalty with stating/tearing down anothers opinion to the contrary.

Sorry, but there is no "inside information". WS, as I have read on this site time and time again, are pretty much following the script.

T2L: Good Luck to you. I have heard you defend and excuse everything this WS has done. BUT the "other woman" is still scum and a Sea Hag, right?
--Well for playing the "let's share this dude" game, what does that make you? Or HIM?!?

Even if he leaves his OW in April, what are you really winning?
He's the bad end of a booby prize.

At some point your FOG will clear and you will be hurt (ashamed -?- ) of this game.
Please take DD18 out of this picture. She needs a student's life. Now she has a "sea hag is spying on me- thru facebook life." What is this doing for HER?

Again, Good Luck to you. God does not make junk, nor spouses that are to hang around for "s- seconds" of their intended spouses time/money and love.

You are too good for this.

Oh geez.

Everyone has a good opinion and a right to share it...we all can debate this...you can tell T2L's "friends" who are advising her (some who have been on this board waaaaay longer than any of us) that we are mis advising her....we can all add our positives and negatives.
We can fiercly support her or adimmatly point out she is and will fail. But in the end it's HER plan And only she will see weather it succeeds or fails.
I think T2L put it best "no plan can guarantee success."

SIHW

I don't know your story at all.

But, you had to have been a wayward! Yea? Na?

If not, you sure sound like one to me!

Yes.. Please tell us what selfish demands you will use to drive your WH back into the arms of OW with WHEN he decides to come home... Where is the rolleyss when you need it??

(Preparing to duck)

You mean it's a selfish demand for a BS to ask a wayward to not punch holes through the wall's? to not throw chairs? to actually stay sober? to end the affair?

Heck if those are selfish demands, T2L may as well move in with sea hag and share! At least it would save money.