And I appreciate that Tst, you are one of the good guys around here.

I believe that her WH is so CLOSE to coming back home and making things right... can't tell you exactly why, but I strongly believe this.

Ditto here I have to agree with PM. Knowing what I also know personally of T2L and her husband....I think this is having a very positive influence on his road home.

HI T2,
WOW... you really must have God whispering in your heart! You sound inspired!! I'm really proud of you!!!

That would be VERY true.. IF.. PB was designed to end an affair… it’s NOT… It’s designed to prepare the BS for divorce and protect any remaining love for the WS. Not to effect… to prepare and protect the BS… that is what Harley says anyway.. I don’t know about the other “experts”


I have to TOTALLY disagree with this on so many levels… It takes MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH (did I say much?) more strength…faith….tenacity and COURAGE to stay in Plan “A” Much more… Plan “B” is so misused with disappointing results here it’s amazing… One bump in the road… and the board lights up with the “B” brigade.. Plan “B” used like this is simply hiding your head in the sand and waiting for the storm to “blow over” itself….There are certainly times for PB but it MUST have a good PA in front of it or it’s pretty much useless.

A PB without the PA in front of it is like sending troops in waving red flags and blowing horns saying here we come without any air support!… There has been no ENs met… there has been MANY LBs still fresh in the WSs mind and heart… And mostly…because there isn’t any time to show a change in commitment to the marriage by the BS and a change in dedication of meeting the EMs of the WS (which is what left them vulnerable to the affair in the first place) and HOPE that if the WS re-commits, there will be a DIFFERENT marriage than he one they ran from. The WS has no reason to return and views the Plan “B” as manipulative, cruel and vengeful..

So… as HARD is Plan “A” is…giving and not receiving…loving a stone wall of hate and resentment… Loving a person that is committing the ultimate disrespect to you while raining love and affection attention and presents on the OP….

It takes ENORMOUS courage to do a good PA… and you better hitch your heart to the cross while your at it because you won’t get though it without him… not in one piece anyway… and THEN.. you can GROW as a person and become the incredibly STRONG and attractive person Lea is becoming. A beacon of hope to us… and a wise and courageous mother to her DDS.


______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Now T2,…. This is important…. It’s not over by a long shot… the OW is blowing to bits right now… BUT.. she will get ONE get out of BI**CH free card…

She will convince your WH that the ONLY reason she is like this is because she loves him so much.,. and she is devastated and scared because they “had plans” and she will be lost without him.
“You know me” “I’m not this person, I can’t believe I acted this way” “It’s just that…It’s just that (Prompt tears…wait..…..OK NOW…Perfect….) I love you sooo much… and I don’t want to go on living without you” “If you go back to that woman that (insert ALL the bad memories known to her including but not limited to)

Re-Writing history ( you stopped loving 5 years ago and you being the WONDERFUL unselfish person you are stayed with that HORRIBLE cold woman for the children)
The time she did THIS to you… I remember holding you while you almost cried telling ME… you never had the courage to tell ANYONE before.. you poor thing… YADA YADA YADA>..

(now… insert a couple of good memories from the beginning of the affair)
Remember the time we walked on the beach… and we stopped and gazed into each others eyes and you told me… (insert whatever bull he told her at the time of weakness) and I said to you (Ditto) and we held each other so close and PROMISED (guilt successfully inserted) (EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND T2
OH... that was tough to type...WAIT.. )

OK... Better sorry about that... BAck to this...

“ WELL THAT IS THE PERSON I REALLY AM!!” That wife of yours is just trying to break us up so she can RIP YOUR HEART OUT AGAIN” “And if you let her do that to US (reaffirming the commitment he’s breaking) I don’t want to live (Fear of suicide from page 127 of the OPs handbook to h*ll successfully inserted preying strongly on the already overblown ego of a man with TWO women that NEED him) ANNNNDDDDD BANG…..

YES YES ……WE HAVE LIFTOFF!! DESTINATION…LA LA LAND!!

But..it is how YOU my friend react or don’t react to this crucial time in the rollercoaster/waffle session that will determine whether or not it sticks or becomes the weak last ditch effort of a desperate OP…..
You HAVE to prepare for this…it may not but most likely it will come… sorry to say… but it will be hard after all the progress….

But don’t worry… you are STRONG now… and when it comes you’ll be ready and it will bother you as much as a flea on a dog….

Because at one time you were alone in this fight... But NOW... you have the Almighty one fighting for you...Nothing is impossible with GOD!!!..

and also you were a merely a Goddess but now.. you are becoming the “WARRIOR GODDESS” More powerful than ANY little mousey OW… and THEN…. When THAT move is over..
(Complete plan can be found in the OPs handbook to h*ll revised 2009 edition pages 103-154)
All the kings horses and all the kings men won’t be able to scrape together all the little tiny parts of the OW again….

GOoD Luck and Prayers, Frank

P.S. princessmeggy nice defense...I like your style...

Where's the little emoticon for goosebumps?

I have a book you should read T2L....

It's called The Heretic Queen. I could not put it down...took me 3 days flat to read it.

History shows the pairing of pharaoh Ramses and Queen Nerfertari were a love match. He loved her so deeply....but she wasn't his only wife.
The story goes through the warring of both sides for Pharaoh's love and for him to make a decision on who will be queen.

Even tho she was put through extreme hard times. Even in the face of dealing with Liset the other wife who seemed like a spoiled brat with hardly any morals.Nefertari executed an excellent plan a all throughout the book. It is such an inspiration to read and I still thumb through it.

The childbirth scene had me bawling. I highly recommend it.

Another person knowing behind the scenes stuff supporting T2L

I'm so hoping that the people here who know that "behind the scenes" stuff are right.

I did Plan A for much too long. My ex and I were strong Christians until his affair. Then he completely seemed to lose his values.

The affair did end, but I was done. Not because of the affair itself, but because of all of the respect and love I lost for him.

T2L says that her husband is taking care of the family financially, even though they are losing their home. He is going to help find a place for them to rent, meanwhile living with the OW and contributing to HER household.

I'm really hoping and praying that this comes out okay, but my bet is that T2L won't want to reconcile once the affair ends. She is not going to protect her love for him.

I am just going to re iterate some thing T2L has already posted.

First no matter if he had an affair or not the would have lost the house due to WH company closing. He took a MAJOR loss in pay. They would still be looking for another place but maybe further down the road.

Second WHls lease was up april first and he is not renewing with sea hag....and as it seems...he isn't really staying there either.

He seems to be gradually weening away from ow. Which is good the more she LB'S the more he will pull away. Maybe then she will find her own "corasone" and leave T2L's husband alone.

Well, yes, hubby took a cut in pay. But TL2 has been posting since September. The pay cut just happened recently, and for the family home to be about to be repossessed, hubby has not been paying what he should for many months.

He would rather live with and spend family money on the OW.

Yes there WAS the cost of his rent....but T2L has acounted for the rest of his spenditures.....the loss of pay was a few months ago and he is not nearly making anything close to what he was....I mean business has sucked for him....litterally.

I'm not trying to argue with ya believer...I just talk with T2L a lot as well as a few other members....I have been behind the scenes with them so to say.

But see, that's the difference between you and T2L. She ISN'T done and HASN'T lost all of her respect and love for him.



When my DH did what he did, we ended up losing our home, our cars, and more. No one is saying what T2L's WH is doing or has been doing is right, but it IS possible for them to start over and rebuild if WH turns around. Me and my DH have done this. T2L and her WH can do it too, as long as they both are willing. Is it going to be easy? Heck no. It's harder than anything I've ever done in my life. But it was worth it. Well worth it.

I agree with PM.
The economic downturn pretty much ensured they would lose the house, T2L's WH has not been on full pay for some months. I also agree that T2L still loves her WH despite many things. it may be that this is the path she needs to take to lose her $LB for him. I do know what her "Im done" plan is, and I want copies

While Flick and I havent lost a home...yet..because of his A, I am losing my career, we are moving towns, and have very little future security. These are the legacy an A gives you. Losing a house isnt so bad. Losing yourself is worse...

I'm really praying for her and the family, and wanting so much for hubby to wake up. I'm certain he will, and hope it won't be too late. Praying for protection for T2L's heart.

Amen sister...

Exactly! Plan B executed after a stellar plan A is to protect the remaining love and respect the BS has for the WS. Not only does T2L risk coming out of this with extreme PTSD but she risks losing all love and respect for her H.

Those of you "behind the scenes". How many of you have suffered from PTSD? How many of you went through horrid FR and FR because you could not find the strength (yes strength) to go into plan B?

T2L, I think you are being wrongly advised. Plan A forever is not what Dr. Harley intended and especially for the BW.

Gmorning y'all!

Thanks for the support and the 2X4's I know all are motivated by love so its all good!

Ok so for the financial stuff. Our taxes that were done this year reflected a 30K reduction in pay, that was a bit of change. Then at the start of this year H's employer cut the commission rates by half and his job is solely commission. So he changed employers about a month ago and the commission rate is higher but the volume is lower so we took a little more of a hit. But I have found out alot more details of what was going on at his previous employers and how H was moved around several times many other things and it appears that the company is really in trouble. I have been able to see spending due to my super sleuth abilities and it does appear that he has been honest in telling me he gives the majority of his pay to us. I saw this with my own eyes so that is how I know.

Going back into PA does probably appear weak but let me tell you if I was weak there is no way in God's green earth that I could do this. The shift from B to A itself was really really hard and I do not recommend it for the faint. I struggled for a few days before I got solid. So my 1st advice is stay in the PA for as long as you can before even considering PB. I feel pretty strong in it now.

My H knows that I am strong enough to cut him off I have done it for 6 out of 11 months. For all I know he may be waiting for me to cut him off again. He knows I can do it and he knows I'm not afraid of it.

Yes Please please please pray for all of us in the T2L house. I know you guys its doesn't make sense. Sometimes it doesn't to me but I want to be obedient to what I felt in my heart I was directed to do. I am not saying this is for everyone and every story because it is not. Each of us can use the tools in SAA which are outstanding BTW, and then follow their heart. Yes they can be wrong and sometimes they can be right but recovery too is following your own gut and instinct and maybe even God, since he is the master of using the foolish things to confound the wise. I felt I had gotten so religious and rigid that even if for some odd reason I was supposed to go another way I couldn't and that's the real problem.

Yes, I may lose some in my LB, yes I may end up hating the man, yes it may end in D. Point is I'm not afraid of it anymore. Will it hurt...yup I'm still human. Will I 2nd guess myself, hmmm maybe its human nature, but i have to do what is in my heart and thats part of recovery on a personal level. Recovery to be able as a person to not be afraid to make decisions and to do what you feel you need to do. After Dday most of us are paralyzed to make any decision because we are in fear. We are so weak and we appear weak. Believe you me my H does not see a weak woman stand in front of him when he's around. And luckily I have been casually able to refute the trash the Sea Hag has said about me-man it freakin rocks.

I know not all the stories that recovered maritally had perfect PA's or even did PB's so I am hoping to join them. Maybe it will and maybe it won't but point is I'm not afraid anymore to make a mistake and if I follow the leading in my heart it don't matter I was true to myself. All of this is messy and no one is going to get out without mud on their face, there is no perfect way but SAA does give you some OPTIONS on roads you can take and things you can implement.

But I am hoping you will still stand in the gap with me and pray with me for him. Really sometimes I don't even feel I stand for me and the kids anymore. I am standing for my H and one time associate pastor and best friend. I am very concerned about his soul quite honestly it almost takes a back burner to my marriage.

I know I will absolutely know when I am supposed to shift. I'm not nuts and I will know it just like I knew it this time.

Anyways had good PA visit yesterday. He thanked me and the kids for a great time and DS10 is very happy with his daddy around a few times a week.

Well I'm off. Hugs to all.

I was behind the scenes at one time.

I suffered greatly from PTSD, though not nearly as bad as some I know. This was after only about 4 months of Plan A.

T2L, I love ya dearly, and I have a fear you are mistaking your own desires for the leading of the Lord, taking back for yourself a battle you once gave to Him to fight.

I too was once "behind the scenes". And when I was, WH sent T2L's IMs the most horrible, ugly, ANTI CHRISTIAN and ANTI WOMEN comments you can imagine. Stuff we never passed on to T2L. Stuff I will not repeat here. I am worried.

You know the old adeg "actions speak louder than words".....if you are currently seeing his actions from behind the scenes you would see a plan B would KILL any possiblilty of saving this marrage.....T2L is making A LOT of headway with WH.

Things are moving in a more positive direction.....we see this. If so many people who know what's going on...you need to trust those people....because it's not JUST one person it's multiple people. Very smart, intelligent people with great instincts.
There are people with good experience like lil doggy and princess meggy, and frank (who has been here a long time....sorry frank not saying your old) guiding her she she is not making uninformed inexperienced choices.
I have come to know T2L Very well and she seeks advice and education from these people before she makes decisions....her decisions are by no means rash.

Oh gosh NO. I have always said PA is not a lifestyle. I am aware of PTSD and at this point every BS is going to have some level of this whether they even do a PA or not. Everything you did and lived before you found out now falls in that category because you will forever feel it all was a lie. That's gonna happen whether you PA or not and that's the sad truth of it. But I know even if I don't recover martially or not that I know a God who heals emotions because He's done it for me before. I had a horrrrrrrible childhood and God worked me thru much of it.

But yes you are correct PA is not a lifestyle not for me and not for anyone. I can only be responsible for following whats in my heart to do. Ya know the thing is, is non plan on earth can guarantee recovery it's just that simple. There are things we can implement to increase the chances maybe a little or protect us if anything but as hard as it is to hear this for all of us there are no guarantees, well maybe death, taxes and the grave. There are just no guarantees even if you run a perfect plan.

I know I'll know when its time for this to be done.