I think I have been doing plan A. I ordered the book about infildelity, but haven't gotten it yet. My husband told me about the affair in Jan., moved out in Feb., and filed for divorce in Mar. A coworker came on to him in Nov. ie: "I have a crush on you and we need to watch our boundaries". This is his first affair and we've never been to counseling. I think his mind was made up about not working on our marriage when he told me in Jan. We have been married for 17 years and have 2 teen girls. Is plan A showing him my best self? I'm trying to do that, look my best, be kind and loving, but not romantic. I took the emotional needs survey (answered like I was him) and his most needs are (I think), affection, sexual and admiration. We have had intimacy issues (I haven't felt good about myself-poor body image). I don't know how to meet those needs if he is barely speaking to me - only about the girls. Any ideas would be great.
Thanks

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Have you exposed the affair?

Sorry you are here needhelpsosad. But you have come to the right place! Lots of help on these boards...and lots of support.

Melody should be along shortly...until then, I'd recommend reading and reading more. I think faithful has a GREAT point about exposing the affair. That is best way to kill an affair!

Don't let this dirty little secret of his be secret any more. Tell all who need to know and it will die (the affair, that is).

Be strong and keep with Plan A. And expose. And if you can, snoop to get details of the affair. I know he's moved out, but if you can see his phone records, some how get into his e-mail account, that would be good. voice recorder in his car or even GPS his car.

What you are looking for is information that can help you end the affair. Other woman's (OM) name, address, is she married, kids, parents names, etc. This will all help you with exposure and ending the affair.

Don't expect much from your hubby while the affair is still going on. HE's brain-dead with affair-speak right now. His mind is all foggy and he's caught up in the affair-drug.

Be strong! Keep reading and posting here, on this thread. More will be along shortly to assist you.

Hang in there, D.

Yes, you need to expose the affair to family, kids, at work, and to any friends. Ask people to support you in saving your marriage.

Then do Plan A, which includes being cheerful and attractive. You may be able to give him some admiration for something. I know it is hard, but you can think of something.

Work on whatever you feel bad about your body.

And if the other woman is married, be sure to tell her husband.

The affair is exposed to friends, family. He says coworkers know - I've only spoken to one, and she just said "I hate that someone will get hurt". The OW is in a position of authority at work and I think people are kind of sick of it, but don't want to say anything to her or my H. He is like a different person, not even really talking to me. It is CRAZY!!! Her husband does know and their divorce will be final in about a month. I just miss him and want my old husband home and I want to work on our marriage!
Thanks

EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE

to EVERYONE:

HIS COMPANY, contact HR....this one is so important
Other Woman's Husband or Boyfriend....he could be your ally

Your family
His family
Your children
Your pastor
Friends (yours, his and family friends)
And anyone else that will be influential

Exposing the affair beings it out in the light of day and destroys it.

Once you've EXPOSED.....Do a killer Plan A

How exactly does Plan A work? Are there any specifics? I will see him this afternoon at our daughter's soccer game. I don't even know what to say. He only talks to me about the kids (ages 15 and 12).

Let her husband know what is going on. That is very important.

Plan A is showing him that you are the more attractive alternative. Try to figure out something you can admire about him.

If they work together really hammer on HR and let them know that this affair has been going on for X months. Talke to their boss(es) and let them know the affair is probably costing them $$$ -- wasting time with e-mails, texts, spending time together instead of working.

And expose, expose, expose!

Tell everyone who has any contact with your hubby and OW. Find her parents and tell them! Talk to her children if she has any. Tell her soon-to-be ex hubby.

And keep working on YOU!