YES Mel, YES HE11 IS coming!

I wish someone had told me this! This is a terrific idea.

Melody is giving you great advice. I did this face to face at the OW home the day that I exposed to OWH and we haven't heard from OW since. And remember, no woman has dared come near MelodyLane's man in eight years.

Sounds good but she sees him everyday at work.....she can flirt, and dress nice and smell good. He gets none of that from me 'cause he's not here!

I called OW and confronted her.

I didn't get a chance to think it out like you are now though. I had tst's cell phone when she texted him. I read it and called her right then and there and asked her if she knew he was married and had 5 children.

That call really didn't make much difference. In fact, I think it excited her because she knew I finally knew that she was in the picture and I'd be confronting tst. After I confronted him, he went to her place and stayed the night I assume, because the next morning when I went to expose to his dad (where he was supposed to be) he wasn't there--and his dad lied to my face trying to cover his butt--but I know a liar when I see one. That would have been their first all-nighter I guess. I hadn't put that together until now. Where the hell were her kids!!!!

I confronted the OW again when tst came home for good. I called her and informed her that she had best keep her little hiney away from my husband and not step one foot near his business. I also told her that I went on that trip that she thought she was going on. I also told her that we had put everything that she had given him in the dumpster and it WOULD NOT be mailed back to her as she had requested. THAT call ensured no contact. She had planned to show up at his business the day he returned to work from our trip. I planned that call out. I prayed before I made the call. I wrote an outline of what I wanted to say because I knew that my emotions and hearing her voice again would rattle me. That call pi$$ed me off because she dared call me by my first name and tell me that it's great if I can get past it all. I cut her off, and told her I was MRS. tst. I did not let her speak another word. I controlled the conversation, said what I intended to say, then hung up.

IF you make the call, please think through what you want to say, even post it here for suggestions. Then write it down. DO NOT let her take over the conversation. YOU stay in control of it. She doesn't deserve an opportunity to have her say.

vst, is there a way you can get the word out in the employee ranks? Do you know any of his coworkers? Could an anonymous email go out to his coworkers?

See, the OW will be a PARIAH amongst women and many men if the word gets out. The other women will HATE her and completely ostracize her. This might cause her to quit. Socially, this will hard for both of them when the word gets around, but it is always harder for the woman in my experience.

I can think of 2 cases at work where the social pressure was so bad for the OW that she quit. [the men were fired in both cases because they were management]

I don't know if word is out although my WH says that everybody knows now. Everybody thinks she is so sweet and happy go lucky. She's a total people pleaser.

That is probably just idle gossip, though, which is easy to deny. Is there a way you could get the word out in a convincing way? If you can, it might drive her out of that company when the females get ahold of her skanky [censored].

Just a thought... Maybe if you confront the OW you could combine two pieces of good advice you've gotten... The above and what Pepper said about "Mrs Joe" (classic !)

Something like... "Mrs. Joe.... this is Mrs.verysadtime... I want you to know that I will NEVER give up on my Marriage... and after talking to Mr. Joe.. Neither will he. "

I will do EVERYTHING in my power to save my Marriage.. we HAVE A FAMILY we've been a FAMILY for X yrs.... YOU have a family (do they have kids? I read most here but don't remember??) STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY FOREVER...

If you even dream of Mr. verysadtime ever again you better wake up and appolgize...Because if not... I will become your nightmare...

Something like that....and hang up or walk away... she doesn't deserve your attention any longer...


I used to call the OM and ask to speak to "my Wife"... I wish I thought of Mrs. Please Help.... MUCH better... more intense.... My W said later (...she worked for him) he used to slam things all around the office after the call.

GOoD Luck and Prayers... Frank

I'm really getting such great help and suggestions from all of you. Thanks so much! I'm in a really dark place right now. My WH absolutely hates me and I'm facing a hard tortureous road ahead. I've already been down one and really really don't want another.

ok so about the amusement park trip....he now says he is going. This is what he said "I will try to have fun and be there for erin." He's going I think for 2 reasons: 1-the mom of the friend our DD is taking is a friend of ours and she talked him into going as she and her H are going too 2-I emailed him a letter our DD wrote to us which says "Dear Mom & Dad, I hope you will have a great time at the park!! Me and my friend will have a great time. Even you guys too I hope." then she drew a map to get there.

there ya go. now I have to put up with his sour attitute toward me. I'll show him, I will smile ALL DAY LONG!

We know that dark place.

There's a light at the end of this tunnel.

Hi VST, I just wanted to pop on here and say

It may not feel like it to you, but you are making HUGE strides in killing this affair adultery. You've got the best of the best posting to you -- a gift.

MB is awesome. Listen and implement what you learn and you'll be an MB success story legend.

Thanks SMB!!

Thanks PM!

What a great opportunity to kick off your plan A.

tst is sitting next to me. He says to make sure DD has some music CD's that she loves to sing real loud in case the tension is too much.

No relationship talk. Redirect if he brings it up...."let's just try to enjoy this day."

Reminisce about good times you've had together as a family or a couple. Don't overdo it. Just a quick, "Remember when XXX. That was such a sweet day." Or something like that once or twice.

Admiration is probably an important EN for your WH. Think of one or two comments you could make to "boost him up a bit". Might be challenging right now, and you might think you'll choke on the words...but do it anyway. Again, don't overdo it. You want it to appear sincere.

You'll have an entire day to mention those four things.

Something else I (SMB) did...

Comment on some little something that is just between you and him or a little thing that YOU know because of your history.

Have you met with your pastor yet?

TJ/

SMB, thank you thank you thank you, just what I needed to hear tonight! I'm up and dancing!

/TJ

Here's a video for all waywards:

Thanks SMB & TST, we'll have the other couple with us so that will take some tension off. But I will try and do those things. I feel strong now but when I see his face and the hatred there, it's going to be so hard.