I'm so confused!!!<P>I debated on weather or not I should post this, as my problem seems so insignificant compared to so many others here.<BR> <BR>My heart cries out for many of you. And I truly hope those of you who are suffering can find peace. <P>But with the hope that maybe someone out there has had similar <BR>experiences, I'd like to share my story with you.<P>I was sexually molested by my father as a child and I'm sure that's probably related to my failures.<BR>My first husband was physically abusive, and had repeated affairs with other women. <BR>That marriage lasted four years, we had one child.<P>After my divorce I was scared to death of men. But after a year I met my present husband.<BR>He was so kind, he loved kids, I thought he was everything a women could want. I had told him <BR>every thing about my past experiences, he was very compassionate.<P>BUT......we had been married only six weeks when it started. He had taken me swimming and he <BR>met a women there, he said they were only playing. You know her running, him catching her, picking <BR>her up and holding her for a long time, then throwing her in the water and going after her, he "played" <BR>with her for a long time that day, while I was forgotten on the beach.<P>He started going to singles parties with his cousin and brother. I objected but it didn't do any good <BR>he went any way. I became pregnant in our first month of marriage, and had horrible morning <BR>sickness, I know that didn't help our new marriage. When we had been married five month's he went <BR>to Calif. with his brother and they wouldn't take me. I found out later they went to Nude beaches <BR>and bars. As the years went by, he would lie about the mags and X movies I found. Then the strip <BR>bars started and he would lie about those as well until he was caught. I have tried every thing I know <BR>to help him. We spent alot of time alone, I bought lots of sexy lingerie and dresses. And for months I <BR>gave him great sex! He loved it! But when I found out that during this time while I was giving so <BR>much of myself, that he was not only going to the topless bars but the bottomless too, I gave up and <BR>didn't even try any more. I only have sex with him now maybe four or five times a month.<P>He started going, about twice a month to stay for the weekends at his brothers who lives several <BR>hundred miles from us.After several months of this, I had a "woman" talk with his brothers wife. She <BR>told me in our conversation that some things had happened with a woman friend of there's and asked <BR>me not to say any thing. I told my husband about our conversation, I told him that there was <BR>something she asked me not to repeat. I think it worried him, because about two weeks later he told <BR>me about a time that the three of them had fooled around, but he said he only touched her breast. He <BR>said he told me because he had to come clean and change, he said he was sorry and that I was a <BR>good wife and didn't deserve any of the things he had done.<P>I wanted so much to believe him, then about four month's ago we went to a casino, I found him later <BR>that night upstairs in the dance hall, following a girl around that was dancing with someone else, but <BR>she was still giving my H a hell of a show! He apologized again, he said he felt like an alcoholic with <BR>women and didn't know how to stop.<P>Other than this we have a perfect marriage. He has always been very kind to me in every other way.<BR>He is a wonderful father to our five children. He works hard. The only time we have ever fought was <BR>over these problems I've described. We've been married fifteen years now, And I still love him very <BR>much. He tells me he loves me a hundred times a day. The problem is his work takes him three times <BR>a week to his brothers town and the strip bars. Im always so afraid what he might be doing? For <BR>fifteen years he lied to me about all of it until he was caught. Recently I asked him about moving, he <BR>said moving takes time and he doesn't act to excited about it. He knows how I feel about all of it. <BR>He's great at listening but he won't share his feelings with me. He would never agree to any <BR>counseling.<P>Im so tired of always hurting and wondering what's next. I just wished I knew what to do.<BR>Im sorry this letter is so long.....I guess I wrote a book here:} I've never been able to talk about it <BR>before. I hope you understand.<P>Thank you so much for listening!<BR>Confused<BR>

MOM--<P>I'm so sorry you're hurting. Sounds to me like your H has a sexual addiction, and there are many posters here that will be able to guide you to reading materials and share their stories.<P>As far as the strip clubs go, I highly recommend you go with him, or go yourself one night when he is there. At least once. But that's just me and stems from my own personal situation. The better informed we are, the better we're able to make decisions and know what discussions are needed. Perhaps in your situation this isn't necessary; you've seen how he acts with other women.<P>I do feel your pain and wish you luck in being able to resolve the problems. There is obviously love for each other. Keep trying.

Gosh, your story could be mine all over, except I'm not currently married to a sex addict. I was sexually molested when I was younger, didn't think much of myself and married my first husband, a very abusive alcholic who also had ADHD. A real winner! <BR>Currently my H had an affair last year about this time and he didn't talk too much about his sexual needs but sought them somewhere's else. <BR>Weather or not your H seeks counselling for his problems you need to seek them for yours. It's surprising how much of what we are now stems from events that have happened to us in the past. Sometimes we worry too much about the spouse and not enough about why we are accepting of behaviors. I suggest that weather or not he seeks counselling that you do so for yourself, it will make you a stronger person in the long run and you will be more sure of how to handle what you don't think of as too bad a problem but could develope into something worse. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

Oh My. In order for your marriage to work, he must be willing to stop this behavior! You cannot turn your head and look the other way ... for your own sanity and your children. Have you seeked counseling? If not, I would suggest that first. If he won't go, then go by yourself. It will help you see the whole picture and start healing yourself. <P>If he won't try, then I would have to let him go until he is willing to give up these habits. <P>I know it's easy to get advice and hard to do it. Take baby steps. One day at a time. Things will get better but it will take time. <P>

Hello Everyone,<P>I thank all of you so much for being here and for your kind words of advice. <P>I think maybe your right that I should seek counseling. I Probably need it for more than just my present marital problems, but I've alway's found it so diffucult to talk about the things of the past. I was just a little girl, and so I know the molestation was not my fault, but it makes me feel dirty when I think about it. <P>I deeply love my husband and my children, and I want life to be good for all of us, although the kids know nothing about this. Maybe if I can heal, I can better understand his needs and figure out a way to help him with his problems.<P>Well, once again...Thank you so much for trying to help me!!! <P>MOM<BR>