I've been in quite a bit of thought this morning and wanted to bring this to the table for some feedback. There's never a shortage of that there!

Ever since my DH's and my affairs, I have become cynical and question in my mind what the underlying stories of people are.

Just going to the grocery store, I saw a man buying flowers first thing in the morning on a weekday. He had a wedding ring on and in the back of my mind I wondered if they were truly for his wife. Or was he having some torrid affair with a coworker and was he buying them for her?

At the doctor's office, I saw an elderly couple and wondered if they were highschool sweethearts who escaped the clutches of an affair or had they been able to survive one?

I used to have such an innocent view of everyone at one point (possibly blissfully naieve as well) but now I feel that I've raped myself of that. It has really darkened my view of the world and I miss the less complicated thoughts.

Maybe it's just me.

It's not just you. Since my husband's EA, I look at EVERY couple and wonder if there's an affair lurking in their history.

I feel the same but differently. I don't see others and wonder what their stories are. I feel instead that when strangers look at me, they can see through my smile or courtesy wave and can tell what I've done. That they know my story.

I absolutely know this feeling, L4 and it's not good.

Listen, I just ordered a salad for lunch from a restaurant called No Small Affair and I am thinking hmmmmmmmmmmm

I have the same problem. I find myself not wanting to interact with other people because, really, most people are untrustworthy. I look at women who may want to befriend me and wonder if/when they will begin sleeping with my husband and I look at men who may want to be friends with Ike and wonder how many girls they have cheated on. I wonder if they would help him keep things quiet and go along with everything because they are "boys" just like all his other friends did. You know?


Wow, I feel really messed up after reading what I wrote.

OMG! I'm doing this too. A customer recently told me that she was leaving for a week in London. Her H decided to send her and the kids for a week during Spring break. He didn't go. You know what I thought......

I have to stop thinking like that. I don't trust anyone anymore.

I don't believe it is a matter of being CYNICAL; I think it is a matter of being ENLIGHTENED. After all, if 50% of marriages suffer from adultery, chances are that your cynicism is warranted. You just didn't NOTICE those little signs before.

I am not cynical, I am ENLIGHTENED.

It's not just you.

Not only do I wonder about adultry...but I am suspicious of ALL people and everything...that includes their capabilities to be honest, whether they are capable of being a functioning member of society, etc.

All of the naiveté I had is gone...and I had it in spades.

Yes my thoughts are very cynical these days. At the beginning of my H going alien, I would look at couples holding hands or going to the movies and I would cry.
Now I look at them and wonder is this an A? Is that couple REALLY happy or is one of them have a secret A going on.
If a man looks at me and smiles, I look at their hand to see if they have a wedding band and want to punch them no matter how innocent it is.
This is our legacy from these A.

I'll join the club. When I hear people say "X would NEVER cheat on Y" I have to bite my tongue. When I look at people I wonder how often they have cheated or if they have been cheated on. Trying to not go there and work of seeing the "better" in people.

The darkness blankets me when he and I meet new people and they ask how long we've been married. When I happily say, "almost 16 years" I wonder if the look in my eyes adds the caveat of, "but there were affairs".

I almost don't feel entitled to say 16 years because in reality, I wasn't "there" for almost 3 of them.

Yes, I'm having a guilt filled day.

I was going to say that I only trust my dogs but even they sneak into the trash whenever they can...

I'm there too. Although not as "down" about it as I was before. Like Mel, I feel more "enlightened". Skald and I will look at a situation or talk to another couple and give each other that sideways look of "uh oh". It's sad all the signs we see everywhere of an A very possibly going on or very easily happening soon. Even in our own families.

I look at it like the veil has been lifted and I see true human nature. There was a thread similar to this awhile back...let me see if I can find it!

How has an Affair changed you?

i hope this works...