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#2238606 04/01/09 01:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1
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kes Offline OP
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K
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1
After being married for almost 12yrs & having 3 children 11, 6 and 3. we have drifted apart! About 4 months ago I told my husband I felt like I was the only one trying and I was really tired. He then told me that he was no longer "in love with me" but that he loved me. He went on to say that "if I was so tired of trying then why don't I just stop trying!" So that is what I did, I stopped trying....He started questioning me, and when I reminded him of his statement to me he denied it telling me that "I made it up!" I tried explaining to him that that is not something I would make up, but that that was exactly what I had done, I had stopped trying and even went as far as turned the other direction. I looked up an old boyfriend and began conversating with him. That conversating eventually turned to us meeting up for coffee and then led me to start sneaking around to spend more and more time with this other man. Although we did not have sex the desire is there. My husband found out about my sneaking behind his back to spend time with this other man. He did not leave but told me to have nothing to do with him again. Now I find myself wondering about this other man more than my husband, I feel so disconnected from my husband and more conncected to this man. I realize this other man has nothing to offer me so why do I want him so? I had stopped seeing him but have been still conversating with him when I can, until just this last week I took it upon myself and went and seen him again. I rescently told my husband exactly what he had told me, but this time it is my feelings that seem to have changed. I feel no longer in love with my husband but that I do love him. He asked me about the sex, I told him that I feel it is simply meeting a need, your horny, Im horny so we have sex. There is no feelings there and there is no passion there! I was also honest and told my husband that I am battling not being able to see or speak to this man like I would like to. I just don't see how my marriage can work as I do not feel like I am in love with my husband any longer??

Last edited by kes; 04/01/09 02:01 PM.
kes #2244090 04/10/09 12:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
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kes, you are having an Emotional Affair.

You are cheating as much, if not more than, if you were sleeping with the other man.

"In Love" feelings follow loving behaviors.

You are destroying your children's family by what you are doing.


Belle, Domestic Goddess
kes #2244174 04/10/09 02:25 PM
Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 7,298
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Just FYI, "conversating" is not a word. It's "conversing."

Quote
I realize this other man has nothing to offer me so why do I want him so?

Silly, I guess?

What are you going to do when your H has enough of your betrayal and kicks you out?

Read as much as you can here. See if your H will fill out the EN and LB questionnaires with you. Try to spend at least 15 hrs a week quality time with each other. And, obviously, do not ever see or speak to the OM again. You won't be able to forget him if you're still in contact, and your marriage cannot recover.


Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.

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