I am going out in a few. I've lost 15lbs over the last year and another 4lbs in the past 2.5 days. I do feel pretty weak so I need to go eat. In the south we say ditchyaeatyet? So are yagonna? Do Yawontto?

Be back later!

Good.....now shop till ya drop!!!!!!!!

and yes, you must eat......have a bonbon......

not2fun

I'm only going to reiterate what everyone else has already said tons of times because it is THAT IMPORTANT:

NO CONTACT FOR LIFE
NO CONTACT FOR LIFE
NO CONTACT FOR LIFE

Mel is right...he's a big boy, he can figure it out.

My H left his job and we moved to another state...he SWORE that would never be able to find another job, BUT HE DID!!!

Anything is possible...but here's the thing: your WH isn't going to figure this out today. Probably not even in the next week...it's going to take a while.

He is going to be riding this roller coaster just like you are...lots of ups and downs. Read the stories around here...you will see it all over the place. This is NORMAL, and if you can be prepared for it you will not be so likely to move your BOUNDARIES to make this work.

YOU CANNOT BEND ON THE NC THING...that is non-negotiable, or like Mel said...this is HOPELESS.

But it sounds like you already know that, you've been through it...so right now that needs to be what you focus on ~ NOT backing down on that.

Hope you had fun shopping! "Retail Therapy" was VERY helpful for me during the A. :):):)

OMG!!!!

I go out for one day and come back to 85 NEW REPLIES!!!!

Guess what I'll be doing for the next hour.

Yep, catching up on your thread.

I have no idea what's been happening.

{{{{{VST}}}}}

*schmack*!
Girl, you only exposed, what, yesterday?
This is a long journey. Buckle yourself in.

You're doing GREAT.
Oh, and I'm kinda sorry about smacking you upside the head. You can definitely come here to be fearful or angry or vent or whatever. Just remember this is a long haul thing, not a quick fix thing.

Hope the shopping was good for your spirits. Make yourself a bubble bath with candles, good music, and some delicious beverage. oh, yeah.

VST,

Stay the course. You are absolutely doing the right things and getting the best advice from Mel et al. I can see the A crumbling right before my eyes. Don't back down now.

Reading all the things your H said really reminded me of the wayward script. I remember my H making the case for staying friends with WW, having to talk with her because they worked together, etc. It seems so stupid now that he would even have asked and some of it he nearly had me talked into.

THE most important thing for me (and for everyone) was/is that recovery can not begin until there was/is no contact.

My very best wishes for success.

AM

Well, I've caught up. Didn't take quite as long as I thought.

All I can do is reiterate everything everyone else has said.

MAKE NO CONTACT A MUST.

In a similar situation, I let tst come home. He said all the right things and I required nothing. ONCE HE GOT HOME, I started asking him to agree to NC. He said, "Well, I can't guarantee that. What if her dad died or something? I would want to talk to her."

UUUUGGGGHHHH!!! Waywards are sooooo freakin' stupid!!!!

Those 2 months of him home were hell for me. He was in contact with her every single day. I wish I could go back and undo that and protect myself from the emotional abuse I went through during that time.

I can't.

You CAN!

Stick to the plan. NO CONTACT.

You have no marriage without it.

BTW, tst came home a second time in 10/07, and we now have a wonderful life together again. When he wanted to reconcile then, I was FIRM about what I needed from him, and NC was an absolute.

Stand firm and do NOT give up hope. You are just beginning this fight. And your daughter's family is WORTH IT.

You have handled yourself extraordinarily. I am so impressed with your interaction with WS. You are saying and doing all the right things.

I agree. I made N/C a non-negotiable boundary for my husband to stay in the house. I hadn't been to MB yet but knew that I couldn't work on the marriage unless the affair was OVER. My FWS hated exposure. He still bristles at the embarassment. He understands it now though and no longer blames me. He understands that it is a consequence of the affair. When he was angry in the beginning I told him that the problem is not the truth. The problem is the affair. I told him that I would not keep his secret to make his affair easier. I was going to tell the truth.

*schmack*!
Girl, you only exposed, what, yesterday?
This is a long journey. Buckle yourself in.



I know Turtlehead but wouldn't it be something if I got the fastest turn around EVER?

Well I'm back after taking a little time off. I find myself smiling for some strange reason....I guess it's because I'm finally standing up to the A and not backing down.

I went to a local cafe and got a huge chef salad and a chicksalad SW and some pasta salad ($17 worth of food!). I pigged out and layed down and fell asleep......

when I look at the leftovers, it looked like only a few bites have been taken.....I haven't "really" eaten in 3 days so my stomach is the size of a.... turtlehead....he he

I hadda practically beat her to death for that!!!

Pay close attention to what she says next:


So please listen to SMB, lest you are just setting yourself up for more hell that you can ill AFFORD. vst, you have been dealing wtih this for a long time.

Mel, I PROMISE I will stand my ground!

... or she'll beat you to death !!!!!!!!!!!!! :twobyfour: :twobyfour: :twobyfour:

Thank goodness! SMB's blood pressure couldn't take it!

:twobyfour: Me and my dear friend Mel not too long ago.

I think I still have a few knots on my head from her.

Thanks Mel!!!!!!

I'm ready to hand out any beatings now, too! Be good, vst.

You know how faint we northern girls are.

Actually, MY blood pressure is normally LOW, so if it got HIGH---something would be majorly wrong!

My blood pressure is low too, but it was off the charts a few times around here. I always chuckle to myself when ppl cry about the 2x4's that foggy WSs get around here; it is nothing compared to what the foggy BS's get!

I'm just wondering about something. My WH thinks that I cannot meet his EN and that I never really have. He feels no love for me at all. What chance do we have really? Because that is probably somewhat true....he never met mine either though...

To be honest with you all, we've never had a "real" marriage....I think we thought we loved each other but then we had no idea what to do after that and we just let things happen as they did. It's been I guess out of control from the beginning.

No time like the present to break bad habits! You can't change the past but you can change the FUTURE. Do you understand how the Marriage Builders program works?

What I would do is get a counseling session with Steve Harley and get him to speak to your WH. [Steve will tell you what to say to your H to get him on the phone with him] Steve Harley is very good at giving waywards HOPE about the future of their marriages.

I would then look into doing the Marriage Builders online course, because they can TEACH YOU to meet each others needs and fall in love again. You are assigned a marriage coach who walks you both through all the lessons. You also have daily access to Dr Harley.

Several couples here, including me, have been to a weekend seminar which is a more expensive version of the above and it is an excellent program. It is so effective that even other counselors go to this for their own marriages. SMB and her H went a couple of weeks ago. Now they have an online version too.

Here is the link so you can check it out:here