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Wow! He said, "fine I hope you don't mind moving." !!
I said, "if it means saving our marriage and family, I'll move anywhere."
Well then............very interesting reply, not at all what I expected. He probably thinks I'll back down though.... moving is a great idea!! It will increase the chances that he won't resume his affair. Tell him YES YES YES!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Or:
I don't want a loveless marriage either. The last year has been extremely painful for me also.
There are ways for us to create a new marriage. One where we can both be happy. BINGO!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I think my next step is to appeal to the OWH to get her to look for another job.
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I would only offer a response like....
Yes, you are amazing at what you do. You would be just as amazing at what you do, no matter who you work for. The difference is being able to be the amazing husband and father I know you to be as well..... you can have all three, if we do this together.
Something like that!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I think my next step is to appeal to the OWH to get her to look for another job. No, the next step is for your H to end contact with the OW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Did you guys see the cruelty in what he did baiting me about looking for another job?? Who is this person and why why does he hate me so much?
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He said he doesn't care if she leaves but he can't affect that.
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Did you guys see the cruelty in what he did baiting me about looking for another job?? Who is this person and why why does he hate me so much? That is a man who is high on the addiction of his affair. That is WHY we are trying to help you get him away from her. Once he gets away, you will have a chance.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Did you guys see the cruelty in what he did baiting me about looking for another job?? Who is this person and why why does he hate me so much? He's a wayward DO NOT BUY INTO HIS BABBLE!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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vst, put it back in his court. "This won't work unless you end contact with the OW. I don't care how you make that happen but I know our marriage has no future unless all contact ends."
He is a smart boy, let him figure it out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So I just sit back and wait. I don't think he'll do anything. I don't see this ending well at all. Sorry, but I'm losing what faith I had....
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vst, put it back in his court. "This won't work unless you end contact with the OW. I don't care how you make that happen but I know our marriage has no future unless all contact ends."
He is a smart boy, let him figure it out. Thanks, Mel, I did say that twice so we'll see what he does.
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He was toying with you.
He never thought you would actually agree to moving. He is throwing a little baby tantrum.
And since he has to suffer, he wants you to suffer too.
Wahhhh.
You are at the very START of a long marathon, VST.
Prepare yourself.
You are not going to negotiate this with him, so stop participating in it. He has to work through this alone.
You just need to be firm with your boundries.
The most important boundry is NO CONTACT WITH OW.
And you must not let him have his way when it comes to that.
If you do, you may as well file for divorce and take him to the cleaners right now.
You won't get YOUR husband back until he gone through withdrawl from his ADDICTION. He won't go through withdrawl until he stops seeing her every day. End of story, no exceptions.
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So I just sit back and wait. I don't think he'll do anything. I don't see this ending well at all. Sorry, but I'm losing what faith I had.... NOT US. You give up way too damn easy.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Did you guys see the cruelty in what he did baiting me about looking for another job?? Who is this person and why why does he hate me so much? VST, He does not hate you....he is very confused....  I know its hard, but try not to take this personally. He is an alien. A drug addict, who now has to face the realities of his addiction. Everything he is doing is classic wayward behavior. He is no different than mine was or TST for that matter. Waywards will do and say EXTREMELY cruel things, all in order to keep their addiction. It sucks....I know....my heart is breaking for you....but this is honestly NO DIFFERENT. You have to buy into the addiction theory....... And when he does this, REMOVE yourself from him. This is what I tried to tell you about boundaries and being a doormat. Keep stating YOUR truths. It does prevail....if it didn't, he wouldn't be spouting the fogcrap that he is..... not2fun
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You are not going to negotiate this with him, so stop participating in it. He has to work through this alone.
You just need to be firm with your boundries.
The most important boundry is NO CONTACT WITH OW.
And you must not let him have his way when it comes to that.
If you do, you may as well file for divorce and take him to the cleaners right now.
You won't get YOUR husband back until he gone through withdrawl from his ADDICTION. He won't go through withdrawl until he stops seeing her every day. End of story, no exceptions. nuf' said...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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 sorry, just feeling sorry for myself here..
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Thanks guys. I KNOW you're right about all of this. It just hurt so much and I've already been hurting for so long.
Does he think I wasn't in a loveless marriage as well?? I just didn't commit adultery to try to fix things!
He called himself a monster....
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Buck up woman!
You absolutely must separate your emotions from the garbage he spews!
You cannot let him affect you. He wants you to suffer, because you are the big bad woman who won't let him have his favorite toy.
C'mon girl -- you're a momma. Didn't your little one ever throw a tantrum? Didn't she ever say "I hate you" because you wouldn't let her have cookies for dinner?
Same concept.
He's lashing out at you, hoping you will let him off the hook of feeling guilty. He's turning his anger at you -- because you are the easiest target, and he's afraid to turn it on himself where it really belongs.
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