OK, I have exposed to our 19 year old son, my WH's parents and sister, my family. I am afraid that if I go too far, that he will cut off any financial help. I was also told by employee
assistance that I would be labled as an unstable woman if I did that at work. With threatening layoffs, I am afraid. As far as OWs husband, I called the only number I had and a man answered and when I asked for H he said he doesn't live here anymore. I asked where he lived and the man said, "I don't know the exact address" Then I asked "Is he still married?" and the man said "Who is this and hung up. I called back yesterday and talked to him again. I don't know exactly what the relationship is but I think he knows him. This time, I told him that I had something very important and personal to talk to H about and I thought it was something he need to know. The man said that his wife had the number but was taking care of her sick father and to call back another time when she was home.

I know that if I expose to work or H that my WH will cut off support which has been good up until now. If I get a lawyer, I'm afraid that it will just start a divorce process which I'm not ready for. I don't think I would get separate maintinence as I make more money that my WH and my son is too old for child support.

You have to start the process sometimes in order to get what you need. The divorce process can always be stopped.

I don't even think you can get spousal support in Texas and I make more than he does.

Someone please give me some advice as to whether I can turn this around and what I should do. Please read my PB letter and reasons I have not gone further with exposure....I am so heartbroken right now. I felt like all Plan A was doing was irritating him and he just wasn't responding.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2225152#Post2225152

RNmom,

You have had some of the best advice here, now I am wondering why you haven't been following it.

I was wondering why people aren't responding to your thread, and found your old thread.

Have you changed any of your thinking or behaviors at all?

You need to listen up and stop reacting if you want to save your marriage.

Is what you are doing working?

Best wishes,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

You are right. What can I do now if anything?

Should I call and appoligize and say I didn't mean what I said in the letter? Should I further expose and risk loosing any financial support?

Are you getting individual counseling?

ITA with Pep.

I suggest you find a good Christian counselor IMMEDIATELY, who will understand that you want to save your marriage and help you process what has happened to you. Probably not associated with where you work.

We understand that you are devastated, but it is time to pull yourself together!

Your Plan B letter was full of disrespectful judgments, and your list of negatives about your WS on your other thread says that you are not doing what it takes to try to recover your marriage. You are doing nothing but pushing your WS further away from you. You are making the ow look really good, focusing on the negative.

We cannot help you if you don't get a PLAN.

You need to own your part in your marital problems, and fix what you were doing wrong. You are not responsible for the A, that is your WS's choice, but you have to see your part in your problems, and get busy changing all that!

Stop trying to change your WS, you can only change yourself.

Please get some help and pull yourself together.

Just be still and stop reacting. Go back over your other thread and re-read the advice you have been given.

You have been given excellent advice. I don't think I could add anything else.

Love in Christ,
Miss M