It's sad that she is still lying. My suspicious nature says she could be posturing for custody of the kids, therefore she wants to seem as though she's leading a steady stable life and not catting around. You might want to start keeping a journal so you'll have facts/figures/times, etc. at your fingertips.

And Zen? Based on her past behavior, the clock is ticking. Hope the OM knows that! Either she'll cheat on him with someone else or she'll attempt to cheat on him with you.

sounds like he's cheating on her already. Sad.

That's Coho's problem, not yours. And it's ironic more than sad, don't you think?

It's ironic and sad I think.

I"m worried about you. I hope your attorney has given you solid advice and that you are taking measures to protect yourself and the kids.

I am going to have to tell my children that we're splitting. I am tired of the excuses I've given so far. I have a 3½ year old son and 4½ year old girl. They are both smart children, especially my daughter. What are some suggestions?

I'm not worried about me. I'll be OK. I will not let this ruin my life and I will continue to be the best father for my children. I am getting good advice. Thanks!

Well, Zen, they always advise you to tell the truth, depending on the age of the child. Your kids are very young. I think I would let them know that mommy and daddy aren't getting along, but you both still love them.

I was raised Catholic, and the age of accountability was 7. I still remember being 6 and knowing that I knew right from wrong.

As they get older, depending on how this turns out, you can tell them more.

The truth is best--simplified for their age of course. And let them know you have an open door policy and they can always ask you more questions.

Mommy and Daddy aren't getting along and won't be married to each other any more. But we are still your Mommy and Daddy and both of us love you very much.

I worry about Coho bringing other men into these children's lives. I worry about her saying "daddy wasn't nice to me...so we are splitting."

Zen, be VERY careful how you deal with this issue. I would seek advice of children's counselor on this one. Get expert advice, and FAST.

And I AM worried about you Zen. Take care of yourself!

DNU1 is right. My mom told me that she was divorcing my dad with the POSOM siting there with her. I was 5 my brother was 6. I'm 50 in June. It still bothers me. You have to do it together. You have to have a script. YOU MUST NOT BLAME EACH OTHER OR MENTION ANY OTHER MAN. BOTH OF YOU SHOULD AGREE THAT YOU WILL NOT INTRODUCE ANY OM OR OW INTO THEIR LIVES FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME. WHEN THAT HAPPENS THERE SHOULD BE NO AFFECTION SHOWN BETWEEN THE OM OR OW UNTIL THE CHILD SHOWS AFFECTION TO THEM, LIKE WANTING TO HOLD THEIR HAND OR BE CARRIED BY THEM OR SAYING THAT THEY LIKE THEM. I know the thought of this is frightening. I am not worried about ZEN so much as I am worried about coho. Zen screwed up once with coho. Coho is a serial cheater and an alcoholic. Zen you have to protect the kids from her and the men she will be meeting. YOU MUST GET AN AGREEMENT THAT SHE WILL NOT DRINK IN THEIR PRESENCE. SHE HAS ALREADY PROVEN THAT SHE WILL SACRIFICE THEIR HAPPINESS FOR A DRINK AND A GOOD TIME.

I'm pretty passionate about this because I lived it. Zen you have to remain vigilant.

I'd take it a few steps further...

Based on Coho's issues with substance abuse, and her repeated infidelity, I'd gun for complete custody of the kiddos, and only supervised visitation with Coho. Meaning you or your parents in the presence of children 100% of time when they are with Coho.

Don't let her take them out of your sight!

Zen? I don't want to bug you but I was thinking about you. I hope everything is going as smoothly as can be expected?

Hi guys, doing well. Kinda just heading full force into single dad mode, concentrating on work and getting the divorce rolling. Feeling good today with moments of pain, but it's short and sharp. Looking forward to months and years of that, I guess.

I haven't posted in quite a long while, Zen. Just wanted to pop in and say that I hope you're doing well and it reads like you are.

Take care of yourself and your little ones.

Hi Roo, thanks. Yeah I'm having some bouts of loneliness this evening. I've been alone through much of this, but the finality is setting in. Coho was my best friend too. I keep finding myself wanting to send her little notes and texts about everyday stuff.

How are you? I'll check your thread.

Hi Zen,

Sorry things worked out like they did. I hope you are able to transition to a place of peace and contentment knowing that while it did not work out like you wanted, you gave it your all, and then some.

SWW

Hang in there Zen. Remember, Steve McGhandi!

And I think sickwithworry hit the nail on the head...you gave it your all, and THEN SOME! The loneliness will fade. Strength to you my friend. D.

I think you were her best friend. Not so sure she was a very good friend to you towards the end. It will get better. It takes a long time though. My first marriage ended in divorce and it was a few years before I felt normal again -and there was no infidelity to deal with. Stay busy if you can. The evenings are the hardest because that is when you are accustomed to spending time with Coho. A new routine may help. Maybe something to do at night when the kids go to bed such as a new hobby or inviting some friends over to keep you company.

Hi guys, I do have confidence that I gave it my all. I think I gave it too much which makes the failure all the more painful. Her brother was giving me a pep talk yesterday. He was pointing out that there is literally no other healthy choice but to divorce, and I need to just take care of the kids and myself. Same advice you guys are giving, but it's comforting to get it from someone so close to her. Her parents and brother and best friend are all saying the same. I know it's right, but it doesn't make it any easier. It just wasn't suposed to happen like this. I had no idea she was capable of this cruelty and destruction. It breaks my heart for my family as much for her. I can't even imagine how she's feeling right now.

I know I'll be OK. There are times when I feel like there is so much opportunity moving forward. The bouts of sorrow hit hard though. I cried all morning yesterday and I'm doing it again today. Fun trying to hide it from my kids.