I was considering ordering this book however I looked at the table of contents and I see nothing that talks about the need for Physical Attraction. The first two subject are affection and Sexual fulfillment. I feel my husband and I are never going to fulfill each others most important needs because it's like there is a constant battle. My husband is overweight and as taken little action to lose weight. I do not wish to be a nag and I really feel that if he loved me and cared he would taken the initiative to really lose some weight. His greatest need falls into the sexual fulfillment area and I haven't been a huge supporter in that area because I feel my need is overlooked. I am at a loss. The weight loss is a very sensitive subject and it's extremely hard to bring it up. My husband wants to be desired by me sexually however I just don't feel that way. I have seriously considered to ignore my personal appearance around him by just dressing down and not worrying about my hair and makeup etc. I have always put a great effort into keeping physically fit and looking good and I know he likes this because he says so. I'm I wrong for feeling that it's unfair that he doesn't do the same for me?

Wow, that's a tough one. My mom is always nagging on my dad to stay fit, exercise, eat right...and I can see the more she pushes, the less he wants to do.

Have you tried inviting him to work out with you? Asked him to come along on a walk, or join U at the gym?

Subtle and suggesting might work better than nagging and demanding (those might be LBs for him also(?)

And I think one very important thing you can do is to PRAISE the heck out of him when he shows any interest in getting fit! Keep on the positive and make it fun.

Seriously, the more you nag and complain the less he will want to do.

The three deadly Cs:

* Complaining
* Criticizing
* Controlling

Well here is the twist to this one. My husband had an affair with a personal trainer when he was "trying" to get in shape. I am trying to gain back my own motivation and confidence myself. I have brought him to the gym with me and we've done some workouts together. Our schedules are not really in sync sometimes so it's hard. It's much easier for me to head to the gym right after work and get it out of the way but he won't go at all if I don't go with him it seems and we can't always meet. It's hard for me to push him sometimes. I mean, what if I just decided to never have sex with him unless he "nags" me too. Is that fair? It's basically what it's coming to because I really feel like he will always have an excuse to not fulfill this one need.

BMof2,
Have you and your H read "His Needs, Her Needs". That book will help you both see the vicious cycle that you and your H is in and teach you how to break it.

I highly recomment both of you reading the book.

I do have that book already and am readign it. I was looking for a plan we could do together that would really point out doing the emotional needs along with a questionaire etc. I thought that may help but even then. ultimately he has to really want to change his habits.

Just a thought- but part of what the Harley's say is to spend at least 15 hours a week together. Can't you find something you like to do that is physical during some of that time. Double the benefits. Go and walk around a car show, or museum, hike, kayak. Start a positive cycle that includes fitness without it being glaringly obvious then you will be able to connect on multiple levels at once.

BMof2,
How is your kitchen stocked and who does the cooking? What are you H habits when it comes to eating?

GG

I do all the cooking and we usually eat very healthly stuff in our home. The problem is he eaither over eats meals (especially dinner) or he eats out when he's at lunch. I have seen his lunch receipts and he will get fast food a lot. He probably figures I will never see it. Tat on top of the lack of exercise has made hi and kept him over weight.

Cook smaller portions.

fwiw, my H and I have had a gym membership for 20 years, and he has been 3 times, and that was just to play racquetball. But we recently joined a new gym that is just like being at a resort spa - 3 pools, 2 indoor hot tubs, one outdoor, dry saunas, steam rooms...since we joined, he has gone with us 5 times in the last month, and 3 times, he actually worked out before going to the hot tubs! So maybe you could shake things up somehow.

And I agree about the physical activity for your 15 hours. If you need help with ideas, we can help.