I will try to check out the site and see if it gives me encouragement to let go and move on. I just don't know if it will.

Sometimes I feel like I'm getting stronger, I'm happy and I'm focused on me. But I realize that I have been feeding off of the "call a day". I talk to him every morning. In that 10-15 minutes a day there is always something to hold on to....I hold onto his voice and knowing that for that moment it's just me and him. Yesterday, I held onto him talking and smiling about the room mate deal - than when I told him "I know you don't love me and we are not together" He said "so you say" and we hung up b4 he elaborated. All night I disected "So you say"

- So I say I know but I don't act like I know
- So I say I know but you know I'm up to something

So this A.M, I asked what he meant and he said "you know I still love you"

- So I say he doesn't love me - So he says he does -

I know that should mean nothing, but obviously in my condition it means something.

Brits Brat, are you feeling this same pain or are you having an easier go at moving on. I have to read your post.

hisgirl,

I am having an easier go of it because "I" chose to break it off in the face of his doing what I call the "slow fade" and realizing he did not have both feet in the relationship. I am having it easier because once I determined that he was playing me and using me I immediately cut if off and have kept "no contact" ever since. As hard as it was not to reach out to him in search of whatever crumbs he would throw me, I maintained no contact. Go to the site I gave you. Purchase the e-book, read all of the articles on "no contact". It is hard, but you can't get past it if you don't go through it.

Since ending it with this emotionally unavailable man, I am able to see better the dynamic of the relationship and why it needed to end in order for my own sanity and self respect/self esteem.

Yeah, he does drive me crazy. Which makes it hard for me to find happiness and control my angry outburst. I have had anxiety, stress and have been physically ill from our relationship. It just comes out of know where. I tried to explain this to him, but I don't know if he really got it.

I guess people can imagine how I've felt and having typed it outloud, it is kind of sad that I still feel like I want him.

*****But I realize that I have been feeding off of the "call a day". I talk to him every morning. In that 10-15 minutes a day there is always something to hold on to....

This is exactly why he is calling you and telling you he loves you and all that jazz. You are giving him exactly what he wants - you are dangling from a string while he runs around with other women. He knows that as long he throws you his crumb of a "call a day" every morning, you'll keep dangling forever and he can go back to you anytime he feels like it.

If this man really cared about you, NOTHING would stop him from moving back in and being with you.

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking he is "confused" and trying so hard to choose between you and his OW (blech). He is not one bit confused. He is exactly where he wants to be - keeping several women dangling (including you) and sitting back and enjoying it while they fight over him.

He will NEVER stop this arrangement on his own. YOU are the one who will have to bust it up, and the only way to do that now is Plan B.

You have no boundaries. He knows this. That's how he keeps you dangling.
Mulan

ok. Well can I just do it for 2-3 weeks and end with the last word

hisgirl,

""ok. Well can I just do it for 2-3 weeks and end with the last word""

So 2-3 weeks is when the next rent check is due? And then you give him the boot and have the last word?

WILL NOT HAPPEN!!

Your addiction is him. Those daily calls and his cute little "so you say" (which you obsessed on all frickin day) are your hit off the crack pipe. Then as he frolics with the OW and the peeps at his cousins, you fall into remorse and crave that other hit, even though you know after that hit, his phone call, things will descend into despair for you AGAIN AND AGAIN.

YOU[b] ARE IN THE FOG OF YOUR OWN MAKING[/b].

You should not let him back in NOW!!

This is going to be MUCH worse than the phone calls. Higher highs and much lower lows.

But you have your heart to follow, so what the heck do we know?

kirk

Please, please, please go to the site I gave you and download the e-book. You are a classic Fallback Girl.

Holy Batcaves! It's Brit...and she's alive !

I just saw him. He wants to come over tonight to bring my ciggs (he gets them cheap out of state). I told him once this morning and once just now that I can't tonight. He says he needs to get something out of the house (maybe more clothes??) he didn't tell me what. I said I can't tonight. He says well, why didn't you get him to get ciggs. I say there is no him.

All of this conversation here is just making me want to call and yell "STOP IT, STOP IT, right now or else" Or else what?

I'll look into plan B I just want to call and tell him how agitated I am with him today!

hisgirl - you don't need Plan B - you need Plan No Contact, permanently. This guy is NOT going to change unless HE wants to change and he is not showing any signs of that. So, your choice is to 1) sit there wallowing in uncertainty and anguish while he runs around bringing God knows what back with him when he has sex with you (i.e., STD's) not to mention the horrible damage to your self esteem, or 2) completely remove him from your life so that you can grow and be the complete, whole person you were meant to be.

By all accounts, your BF fits the definition of a player.

It's been tough. I have been torturing myself...trying to be with him. I hate the thought of him being with someone else. We where supposed to meet him last night, but the last time I talked to him, he said "I don't know if we're hanging out or not"

"We're, we're who?"
"Yes, me and her or me and you, I don't know"
I said "Oh, so I'm waiting on her" and he said "no she's waititng on me, I don't know what I'm going to do yet" I took this is a sign of hope and confusion, but at the end of the night I met him got my ciggs and he went back to cousins house to be with her.

I should def. see him tonight. He forgot to give me change from my ciggs, so I want to get that. I also, just want to see him one more time. Honestly, it will be closure for me. It may be a stupid way to go about getting it. But, after last night I just can't do it anymore. He doesn't want to let me go, but he is not going to lose her for me and if I want to hold onto him, it is on his terms which I can not bare.

Yesterday, when I still thought he was coming over, I did a quick recap of everything that has happened during this ordeal. And BINGO - like a bell ringing in my head -----I finally realized that he doesn't love me anymore and all the brilliant ideas and plans in the world will not bring him back. This is not a low high thing for me. This is grounding. Me looking at the picture as it is without trying to alter it.

For tonight, I am not all pumped up like heres another opportunity for me to get him were I want him. I'm looking forward to it because I know that having this closure will be the beggining of my healing. I'm treading it because it is the end and the last time that I will have any contact for a long while.

I know I will still be depressed but he only makes my depression worse - I can not try to medicate myself with doses of him - he is not going to make me better.

GOOD NEWS - THE SCALE IS STILL TIPPING IN MY FAVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to tell him thanks for hooking me up with the best diet of tried in a while, and when he says what I want to say Death of a loved one - meaning him (of course) tonight he dies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His vital signs have already started to get low . Brits I'm going to get that Ebook this weekend....I'll need it!

You are like an addict trying to explain why you need one more fix and then you will quit. This is hard to read. You are a mess. You need to change your address, your phone number and stop the insanity. What are you doing to your children? Do you have family that can be with you to help distract you for a few weeks. You must sever ties to this abusive user that you have gotten addicted to. You will get over him. You will. You have to give yourself a few weeks away. Stop dosing yourself with his poison. Do you really think this needy, clingy desperate behavior is attractive to any man?

You're worried about getting change from a cigarettes? Desperate and sad....

Are you still babysitting his kids while he sees the other woman?

No. I have not been babysitting. I assume that his kids will probably be visiting over cousins house soon. He has been in contact with the oldest one at least. He probably wants to introduce her.

If he were a serial dog cheater, I would feel better. But it really seems as if he is honestly trying to be in a serious relationship with this woman.

To me that means that I went through everything and put up with so much. She drops out of the sky and he is doing evrything to make her happy and they will probably survive because she's never been burned by him.

PLEASE - go to the site I recommended. READ everything on the site; especially, the following articles and the comments from readers that goes with them:

Breaking up and moving on by cutting contact

Coping with moving on after you break up

When he tells you he wants to break up versus when he treats you badly till you break up

10 truths you need to accept about breaking up

If he doesn't end the relationship, why can't you end the relationship

Why do we throw ourselves in bad relationships and wonder why it hurts

Shades of Grey - Rationalizing your investgment in a poor relationship

Relationship Advice: Am I addicted to my lying, cheating ex Mr Unavailable

He's with someone else - why her not me

Finance and romance do not mix (THIS GOES TO GETTING THEN MONEY BACK FOR YOUR CIGS)

He doesn't have to say its over for it to be over

Why you shouldn't wait for him to make a decision about you

Mixing up optimism, fear and denial in your relationship - Just do something

In addition to that, there is a book by a rapper and well known player called "How to Be a Player". He wrote this book not for the men, but for women so that they could recognize if they were involved with one.

hisgirl, "IF he were a serial dog cheater" you would feel better???

He IS A "SERIAL DOG CHEATER!" And how do you feel?

He SEEMED to be "honestly trying to be in a relationship" with YOU, didn't he? Until someone else caught his eye, again, like earlier in your relationship. Why would you think it will ever end? Do you think he won't cheat on HER, keep HER dangling in the wings the same way he's manipulating you? His selfishness is going to tear up every woman who "loves" him. He is POISON.

This isn't love. This is addiction to abuse, and you are the only one who can break it. I don't think you can do it on your own, and we certainly haven't been able to help you save yourself.

PLEASE get professional help, or you will forfeit any hope of future happiness, and you will be damning your children to dysfunction in their relationships as well.

There is so much at stake here...please use your God-given intelligence and get yourself off your drug, this toxic man.

To continue this is your OWN selfishness at work--you're free to destroy yourself, but what are you teaching your KIDS about life, love and self respect?

Posted yesterday, but system went down and it didn't show up.

Anyway, I HAVE NOT had my hit today (I would have had about 5 hours ago) and I feel good about it. There are periods of sadness. I have been trying to keep my mind focused on me and kids and when he pops in - I keep it to something bad - a negative part of the relationship (I don't suspect I'll run out!) I can smile when I do this. When I think about him and her.....Grrrrrrrrrrr - I get angry and sad at the same time.

I hitched ride w/ my mom to work 2day and she was talking about xbf coming by and I said with confidence sh-- he won't be coming by here today! I am still very sad and I still miss him very much, but he never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, in his life has to worry about me calling him. Or even speaking to him on the streets. I have to focus on cleaning up the mess that he left behind-the stuff that I let get away and he never helped me with. He will never ever hurt me again. If anything he better worry about me hurting him and he better come and get his piece of sh-- car out of my drive way, becauase - I don't suspect my feelings for him will be getting any better. If I fully find myself before he finds a way to get his car out of the driveway....whew boy, sh-- is going to hit the fan! I'm trying to be nice, but my patience is running thin.

Anyway, I need to get a new car, he drove mine most of the time, and it's having major problems (go figure) so, I'm praying that I can position myself to get a car and when I do. I will pay to have his car towed to - I'm considering towing it to the bar they have been going to for the last 3 weeks. LOL.

Like, I told my mom this A.M "I'm getting there"