<BR>i am devastated, discovery was <BR>3 months ago and w and i were <BR>trying to work through my betrayal making progress 2 weeks<BR>ago i found this site and spent<BR>all my time learning and understanding, couldn't get w to <BR>come to site althouth we have both been in therapy separate not<BR>joint--10 days ago she wanted a <BR>separation for a few days to clear her head and decide that she really wanted to try to work <BR>it out i agreed and in those 10 days i finally understood what i <BR>needed to do to tell her all, including emotional depth and other aspects of affair lay all cards on table before this i don't think either of us was ready--thoughout 10 days she told<BR>me on phone she wanted to work it<BR>out--i couldn't wait to get home<BR>pour my soul out show her this support group--- i came home sunday flowers in hand got out of my car and was served the divorce<BR>papers-- in the ten days she cleaned me out money, some stuff from the house -- talk about being raped...apparently ow sent<BR>her a package with all the details dates hotels cards letters etc. and it put her over the top-- i'm in shock had panic <BR>attacks sun and mon nites crying<BR>uncontrollably depressed sad the<BR>whole nine tues went to dr. for <BR>the meds gave me klonepin and paxil i know i need it but don't<BR>want to take it started on the klonepin paxil today -- anyone <BR>please advise i'm so hurting i<BR>know i've lost my wife, and don't<BR>know what to do ... i guess i <BR>should change my name to tried hard but i guess not hard enough<BR>i love her so much and made such<BR>a stupid mistake and i know i am<BR>human and not a bad person my whole life is in the toilet each<BR>time i hit a low i think there is<BR>no lower but i am still falling<BR>where is ground zero? i posted my<BR>story on 10/15 if you want the <BR>facts and it is a doozy ... thanks to all who read and respond... much peace and love<BR>tried hard<BR>

tried hard, i am sorry for your pain. come back and post to vent. antidepressants are good- it'll probably take some time.<P>its good you have a support gruop. your wife is also in much pain. take care of you

Give it a little time. Maybe you will be able to talk with W after she has had a chance to calm down. I do have to admit, what the OW did was cruel. In the mean time, take care of yourself. Seek counseling, take your meds, talk with friends. I am sorry for all the pain you and your W are going through.

Tried Hard,<P>Be patient. Hopefully you have learned the importence of being honest with your wife. The pain you are going through now will help you to be stronger. Try and understand what your wife must be going through herself. <P>Take things day by day.

You must be completely honest w/ W now. Move forward. A counselor told me that if I weren't completely honest, when my H found out something I had not told him, it would be like it starting all over again. That is what your W is probably going through. It's like she just found out ... again. Give it time. If there's anything she doesn't know, volunteer the info before this terrible ow does. <P>Take care of yourself so you will be able to handle everything else. Take the antidepressants. You can view them as temporary.<P>Keep posting.<P>Ann

Trying hard,<P>First off I am too so sorry that you and your wife are going through this.<P>My advise is to keep going with plan A. Still try and introduce your wife to this site. I am the betrayed here and I would be happy to talk to her via e-mail or here. All of us would I am sure.<P>The OW concerns me greatly. What she did to your wife is inexcusable. I can imagine the pain it caused your wife. Although I wish I had all the things my husband gave OW during their two year relationship. Pictures and all. I could have one heck of a burning ceremony in my fire place.<P>I think you and your wife should get restraining orders against this OW. She sounds scary. Like a fatal attraction kinda thing. <P>I will be lifting you, your wife and this situation up in prayer.<P>I also very much like what Ann R said in her response. Good advise there. <P>Please...keep us up dated. <P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

You & your wife should definitely get a restraining order on this OW. She does sound like an extreme psycho or fatal attraction type.<P>Keep doing Plan A. Your W is in terrible pain, especially after seeing all those things that psycho OW sent her. You & your W are back at square 1 and it sounds like your W is acting out of impulse.<P>Give her some time. The divorce isn't final yet and things can change for the better inbetween that time. Take that inbetween time to keep depositing those love units in her bank. Show her how remorseful you are and how much you love her.<P>I'm sure she doesn't really want this divorce....she's just acting on impulse and devastated with what the OW did.<P>Hang in there and keep us updated.

TH,<BR>I'm not in any state right now to give much, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you, and praying.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

to all just read your responses and cried-thank you all so much-we are in <BR>court for the restraining orders you <BR>should all read my story it's posted on<BR>10/15 page 6 if you use the last 10 day<BR>search thanks again i will keep posting<BR>after yesterday i thought i never would<BR>visit this site again but i know i need<BR>the support it's been a lifesaver...<BR>gotta run now i'll check in later and post again .... i'm not giving up hope for a reconciliation yet...much peace <BR>and love... trying hard<BR>