Hi. I posted a week or so ago after finding out about my husband's affair. My husband is a life long drug abuser and we both thought he was in recovery for that. Long story short, he recently got out on parole and relapsed and had a PA (no EA, at least on his end anyway). His parole was violated and I found out about his A two days later because I left his cell phone on and the skank started texting him. I was devastated.

I have talked to my husband on the phone a few times, but it is really difficult to deal with this long distance, but...we are going to get through this. This is something we both agree on. I know it's a little difficult to fully understand the scope of everything and to know all the details through letters and a few short phone calls. He has promised to tell me all the details when we see each other which could be very soon since he will hopefully be placed in a rehab and continue parole instead of finishing his sentence.

I honestly think we will make it. Positive signs from him:

1. He has promised to tell me all the details and answer my questions in person so he can look me in the eye. Neither one of us wants to waste our short phone calls completely dwelling on the A, even though it does come up.
2. He has finally admitted that he has both a drug AND an alcohol problem and wants to go to A/A and N/A meetings for as long as he needs to which could be for life. I don't know a whole lot about 12-step programs, but I am looking into them myself.
3. He wants to go to MC.
4. He agrees we need to move to not only help the M recover, but also for his own drug/alcohol recovery (remove him from his associates).
5. He wants to go church. He hasn't been in 15 years and I have gone sporadically over the past 9 years. This alone is very huge for me. He has been very agnostic for a very long time but says he isn't sure how he feels about it, but thinks he needs something to believe in. Not exactly what you want to hear, but it's something, right? It's a step in the right direction - that's what I say to myself.
6. He fully supports my getting involved in Codependants Anonymous and Al-Anon. I suggested that I do it and he agreed it would be healthy for us in dealing with both recoveries (the A and drug/alcohol).

My question is regarding my long distance predicament. (I have exposed the A to high heaven to his family and the OW BF (who exposed to her family). There is NC except between me and the OWBF which I have ceased because he has started telling lies to me to get me riled up since he knows my H is not around.) I would like advice on how to start the recovery process "long distance." I would like to send him some of the questionnaires here. Sending him the books at this point is not feasible, but definitely plan on reading them when he comes home. Any other suggestions?