I have been reading on Dr. Harley's site for a couple days now and my spouse has read some too. Here is our situation & story right now. We have been married almost 17 years with 3 children. My husband, after his initial smokescreen of telling me he doesn't love me anymore, told me he has been having an affair with a co-worker which he had built a friendship with over the past couple of years. It really moved past friendship when he, like a dummy, disclosed our marriage problems to her by telling her about a past affair he had. (The past affair was over 6 years ago in which they didn't have sex and ended really quickly with no emotional attachment on his part or hers. Our marriage problems got better but not solved obviously.) After she found out about the affair she starting texting and flirting and they began texting or sexting I guess you call it. This was in November. They officially began having sex about two months ago. He voluntarily told me everything, and then again after he kept seeing her. We have since told some family members, a few of his other co-workers, and a few friends. The "other woman's" ex-husband (who she was living with at the time) knows and has told some of her family I believe, and she is no longer with him. At this time it has somewhat ended. I say somewhat because she has said (at least for now) that it needs to be over. He is still in pretty severe withdrawal over her, and I am feeling angry because I wanted him to be the one to put an end to it. My questions are right now - we have talked about him finding another job and moving, but with the way the world is right now it's scary to just up and quit. We will continue looking, but it may take some time. Has anyone ever found it possible to end an affair with a co-worker and still have to see them. They are trying to avoid each other as much as possible, and there have been some steps taken at work to prevent some chatting and visiting going on. Is it possible at all? Not that this is our only issue, but the one I have been thinking about the most lately.

Welcome to MB.

The answer is NO, NO and NO.

There is a thread over on General Questions II, 'Confront or not to Confront' by BHFF.

Read the last couple of pages. I just looked it up and it is presently near the top on the 2nd page.

The poster is in a similar situation, his WW still works with the OM.

You both should read the books by Dr. Harley, Surviving an Affair, His Needs Her Needs and Lovebusters.

Consider phone counseling with the Harley's, or better yet (since H has had 2 A's now), sign up for the online seminar.

You both need to get your M back on track, WH needs to clean up his sloppy boundaries, and understand why he continues to act so selfishly.

tis70, this A and the past one, they are not your fault.

Your M can recover, but it is a lot of work. It begins with NO CONTACT with the OW.

He must quit his job. Moving is also recommended. No contact of any kind with the OW for life is required to recover.

If your WH was an Alcoholic and was going to a bar everyday would you be asking if he could stop drinking???

THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE IS WITH NO CONTACT FOR LIFE . No contact means NO CONTACT....no working together, even if it's at the same company but different buildings. NO CONTACT, NO CONTACT, NO CONTACT......EVER!!!

I too am a BS whose FWH had an A with a co-worker (better known as the SOW) My H also said it was over but they still had contact at work, saw each other...etc. 4 months after dday 1 he contacted her AGAIN ....it was at that point that H finally realized that if he wanted our marriage to work, then it was NO CONTACT...AT ALL.

We got lucky in the sense that she quit a month later before my FWH could find a new job himself.

I will say this though, I do not like it that he still works for the same company and with the same people that where the A happened. They all knew and NONE of them thought anything of it.

THEY NO LONGER WORK TOGETHER......and my marriage is recovering....