It is so incredibly awesome to see this happiness happen for you. You deserve it and so much more.

I know you know to enjoy everyday of it because it's G-ds blessings for the woman you have become.

Bugsy:

When are you going to open that pool!

Mine is clear and cool! Swimming is on tonight!

LG

Thanks for the kind words, Queenie! God really does deserve all of the credit!

Ok LG,,,,,,,stop showing off!

It was really warm here this weekend so I did manage to get the water drained off of the cover. Then, of course, it is raining today! Hopefully, my little syphon is still working and keeping it as low as it was this morning so all I need to do is drag the leaves off and throw in the chemicals.

Well, and get the pump out,,,,and get everything connected. And pray nothing is leaking!

That's the long answer. The short answer is, I have no idea! haha! Ladybugs was on me first thing this morning about it, too - so I can't wait much longer or she will disown me!

Drac emailed DSS's progress report. Good news is he brought up his Spanish. Bad news is now he's failing Biology! He also emailed about the summer schedule. Long story short there - - - we disagree about it. So,,,,I'll be checking the court order and getting back to him. I was really upset at first but then just decided it's time to put my foot down and make him abide by the order. I'm really tired of accomodating his every wish & whim.

Bugsy:

I'm not showing off.

The pool represents the rebirth of our marriage.

The pool guy was coming to the house four days after DDay.

It was a HUGE committment.

When it is bright and sparkly, it reminds Flamingo and I of how far we have come, and how our lives have changed.

LG

LG,

Well, I have to say I disagree,,,,well perhaps not so much disagree as I think about this differently



Even if you are NOT showing off, you darn well SHOULD be! The meaning/symbolism behind the pool is something to be proud of, IMHO. A shining example to all here of what IS possible after the worst of circumstances!

Then, there are those like me who are on the other end of the spectrum. I'm still very sad that my story doesn't include a symbol of recovery and a new, improved marriage to Drac.

However, there are still many happy times to be had & I'm enjoying them every chance I get.

Alas, I still have to deal with the selfish, wayward thinking Drac when it comes to the kids. Monday started with him trying to establish the summer schedule. Of course I'd contacted him a couple of months ago already about it. Ladybugs has her last day of school on May 27th.

Long story short, we are in disagreement about who has the first full week of summer. Bottom line is he started out with saying he doesn't want it because it changes the weekend schedule and he "needs to have it the same as the friends on HIS side because that is when they get the families together."

The truth is, it's MORE about the weekends they DON'T have kids. The next several responses from Drac only served to make that point, but as always, I guess I'm not supposed to be smart enough to figure that out.

He specifically noted a week in July he planned to be WITHOUT the kids. I responded and made adjustments to the schedule accordingly. His next response was about ANOTHER week he has planned WITHOUT the kids.

Anyone but me see the pattern here?

For the first time, I stood firm and have not given in to his 'demands' on this. I pointed out that I have always agreed to changes in the schedule to accomodate that for him.

However, I informed him that I, too, have friends/family with which I want to match schedules with for family get togethers and that schedule falls on the same weekends that he insists on having. I explained that thru the natural course of the schedule, we each will have those particular weekends from time to time. Nor have I gone to all of the trouble to do a calendar for him as I have in the past. My goodness, he can run a business with almost 100 employees, but he can't write down his children's schedule on a calendar? PUH-LEESE!

Mid-way thru the back & forth I stopped trying to 'explain' things to him. It's a fruitless effort. He is like a demanding child, insisting that the only way that is 'right' is HIS way. He is, however, doing a better job of putting it all under the 'guise' of communicating & working together.

He tried to call me and also asked that we 'sit down with a calendar and iron it all out'. He's made sure to mention several times about 'working it out', or 'not disagreeing' with me. :crosseyedcrazy: I guess he believes he can manipulate me better face to face??

Whatever.

I better get to work! I didn't realize the time! YIKES!

Hi Bugs,


This REALLY resonates with me...I also think it's the main reason why a WS wants 'friendly co-parenting'...easier for WS to make demands, and harder for BS not to be accommodating.

I have accepted to speak to WS about the kids if he thinks he needs to, but since I am no longer as accomodating as he expected me to be, requests are not that numerous (particularly ever since I have started to use them as occasions for accountability for WS's commitments! ).

Bugsy:

No way you posted this....


Your symbol of recovery?

Your house.
Your Pool
Your chances at a Relationship with someone who GETS IT
Your relationship with God.

Yes, this is Marriage BUILDERS. And you ended up divorced. But the blame for that lies with Drac.

He is still the entitled wayward that I WAS at one time. I could be dealing with Flamingo the exact same way right now. Whining and complaining because I WANT MY WEEKS OFF!

But something happened for me on DDay. That never happened for Drac, or the Z, or Wayzilla, etc.

I'm not showing off. I'm very humbled by the how narrowly we avoided complete disaster.

(((Bugsy)) and ((Lady Bugs))
and a M(DSS)M for him too. M(..)M Is a Man-Hug, sort like after hitting a home run...


LG

Yup, totally agree with this statment. I can't speak for LG, but I can say that these other waywards had no idea what they were giving up, and many have spent countless hours continuing to attempt to justify the decision by demonizing their exes.

It's only recently that I have seen some changes, shifts in the Z, and that is ONLY because I've told him of my plans to move. NOW he sees what a fool he was. He said, "I'm sorry for how things turned out" not because he's sorry he hurt me, but because, IMO, he's sorry for how his choices are affecting him. What his choices did to me still does not matter, and that's okay, because I have choices to make.

Truth be told, as parents we have been working in our son's best interest very well together. I don't always get what *I* want and neither does he, but DS does. I could give two [censored] whether or not some weekend is a problem for him, and he is the same. If we have the time and can switch, fine, we do, if not, each one of us is responsible for making other arrangements. That's that. No huge discussion about it.

Bugsy, if you have to make a calendar for the sake of being cut and dried, then do it. The less work you have to do in the long run with all of the disputing. Just lay it on the line and don't be long winded about it.......in my humble opinion...

LG,



You are exactly right. I know you aren't 'showing off', as you 'GET IT', but you certainly can be proud to be on the side of recovery with Flamingo by your side.

Please, don't misunderstand my comment about being sad. It's not an everpresent feeling the way it once was. It's more a reflection when I look back on my life, that is is unfortunate that Drac never had that moment and never made the choice to save our marriage.

I am very proud of what MY personal recovery looks like, and I am happy with my life today. I have much to be thankful for, and at the top of that list is MB and all my fine friends here. I know I would not be where I am today without all of you!



SL, you sure hit that spot on. Drac is certainly of that catagory. I've seen glimpses of him being sorry for the way things turned out, but like Z, it's more about any negative impact on HIM, not due to any pain he caused me or the kids. Although he has never said any words to that effect to me. Likely, he never will.

Honestly, I've thought for so long or perhaps FOUGHT for so long admitting that there could possibly be anything Drac could do to help me heal my pain. I believe if he would ever express any kind of remorse for any of what he did, it would help me.

There. I said it.

Maybe now I can move on from it.



It's a great opinion and one that I value very much!

I 'thought' I've done this in the past, but looking back I think I was too wordy in my attempt to show it as 'cut & dried'.

This time, by not doing the calendar or giving long explainations, it did go a bit smoother in the long run. Drac threw his attempts out there but when I didn't react, he agreed with what I'd laid out and it was done.

And, for the first time I really didn't care what he thought or how he felt about any of it. Perhaps that is showing through.

So, SL, what IS that latest AZ update? I am so happy for you that you are moving forward with your hopes, dreams & desires!!! Let us know how it's going.

Hi Bugs,


...I see this as an indication of you moving forward, being honest with yourself, and getting 'healthier'.... and more like 'one step back, two forward'...

...so, just keep doing what you are doing Bugs, and while you are looking back, also see how far you have come.

Good morning everyone!

Thought I'd pop in for a quick post as it's been so long. I'm crazy busy with work, trips to see R, kids, Ladybug started softball again, yardwork, getting the pool ready, and just normal 'life'. Some weeks are easier than others, but for the most part, they are all good.

Things are going well with R. He & his DS are coming to spend this holiday weekend with us. Ladybug is very excited about meeting his DS. She's all about the kids. Although, she has been back on a "I wish you & Daddy were back together" kick for the last couple of weeks. I don't know if something specific has triggered it, , not as far as I can tell.

She did mention the other night that the latest Drac ho said that I'm a cool mom. UGH. It was all I could do not to make a face or a sound I'm trying to be positive about that,,,at least she's not bad mouthing me to my kids. Ladybug went on to ask if the ho & I are/will be friends. I said no. I'm sure she's a nice person, but we will not be friends. Her 'friendship' and enabling of the A between Drac & HO #1 will forever prevent my thinking 'good thoughts' about her. Besides, who takes sloppy seconds from their 'friend'???

Drac was at Ladybug's softball game last night. The first I've seen him in a while. He made attempts to be nice & friendly. I responded in a basic way, but then dismissed him as I would someone who just isn't part of my world. He was nice enough to move my chair & cooler when I wasn't there for a few minutes. I simply said thanks and then set up my chair down the row a ways from him. He tried several times to catch my eye during the game when Ladybugs did good things. I did not respond in kind.

Today he emailed about a couple of schedule things. I gave my most brief reply. He responded with a thanks and went on to say
"Wasn't last night fun? Those girls learned so much from last year. Ladybug has improved so much and she seems to be having a lot of fun".

WTF? Mr. Friendly Co-Parent again? I don't want to engage with him like that.

Is that wrong of me? Is it a bad sign that I can't do that?

bugs, I think you are doing great! I would not change a single thing about the way you respond to him.

I think your exchanges with Drac are just how they need to be. He is still poison as no REAL apology or restitution has been made.

If you stand too close, he will leak on you.


Absolutely not. If his overtures and reachouts were heartfelt, then yes, maybe you could consider "friendly" co-parenting. But they aren't. The only time he gets "friendly" is when he needs something from you. Even if it is as simple as making life easier on him. Who wouldn't want to be "friendly" and be able to forget everything that has transpired?

Just get over it, Bugs.

'course, I always tend to be on the hardass side of the options.

Ladybugs may not get it now, but one day she will realize why being friends with the current ho isn't good for you. Yes, it would be "easier" if everyone could just smile and be happy - but real life isn't easy. Ladybugs is seeing a valuable lesson she will recognize when she is older. You don't HAVE to sacrifice your own well-being for the sake of making life easy for someone who has done you wrong.

You are a grand example of a successful woman.

Take care and enjoy your new life!

Fox

Bugs, you haven't posted since May. How are YOU?

Hey Queenie!

I'm good, thanks! I may not have posted since MAY,,,but lo and behold I clicked on to find I was still logged in! LOL!! Talk about LURKING!! ha!

Kids are good & healthy. Drac is still Drac and up to his same old same old. I am still seeing R and it's good. Work is nuts. All in all it's pretty darn good in my world.

Not much time this morning,,,,,just saying Hi and Welcome Back to All!

Have a great weekend!

Hey Bugs!! Good to hear that everything is going well. There IS life after D!!!!

So, Bugsy, how u b?

Fox

Thought I'd update the post title since I now get my first real post in since May!

So, where to begin? First, I'm glad to see some updates from some Amigos. Hope I haven't missed all of the updates! Any of you not yet checked in since the 'crash', please take a second and check in. Would love to hear how ya'll are doing!

From my persepctive, I've done a great deal of improvement in letting go of Drac 'stuff'. R is very sensitive in this area and has called me on a few things. Such as how I react when I react to my interpretation of how Drac treats the kids, his pushing them off on others, not knowing what church a neigbor is taking them to, his not allowing DSS to get any driving time with him, etc.

We have had several talks about this. I fully owned up to several points that R has made and have made a concerted effort to let go of it. The other thing that seems to bother R is that he does not think I stand up to Drac enough,,,that I allow him a 'pass' rather than confronting him on things about the kids.

The truth is that R and I have 2 totally opposing personalities in many ways. He is a 'confront & conquer' guy. We have talked about this and I've told R of the times that I felt he has been out of line in dealing with his Ex. The good news is that he ASKED for my opinion and while he didn't necessarily agree, I have seen some positive changes.

I am a 'go at it gently first' kinda gal. I've explained that I see no value in being confrontational when nothing I say is going to change Drac's perceptions or actions. For me, this has been part of letting go. I recognize the futility of these kinds of interactions & what they haven taken out of me in the past. As long as in the end, DD gets what she needs who cares what Drac thinks of me or anything else? Not to mention that any efforts on DSS's behalf have always proven unproductive & sometimes given way to more difficulties for DSS, which is the last thing he needs!

I think what bothers R is that he has perceived my getting upset about issues with Drac equates to continued FEELINGS for Drac. Perhaps there is a bit of truth to that, but it's the could have been/should have been/leftover feelings, not the 'I'm still in love with him' feelings.

Honestly if we were to measure the 'intensity' of feelings (good or bad) when it comes to each of our ex's, R wins on that - - but in a totally negative way. Which, could also be perceived as still having TOO much emotion/feeling. Fortunately for us, I don't see it that way.

So, we are working though it all, a little at a time.



Now that I've started,,,there is a lot I realize I could post about! Unfortunately, time constraints are against me yet again today. I wanted to be sure to get this bit in for now for Fox. Hope that helps a little.

Perhaps next time I can talk about how I, too, battle with the 'competition' with Drac & Ho2. It's getting better but is still a struggle. Good news on that is that they do more damage to themselves in the eyes of the kids than anyone else could ever hope to do 'to' them in that regard. Bad news is that it takes time and ultimately is not really a good thing for the kids (something we can't control either!)

Hope everyone has a Happy Safe Halloween! I'm hoping the rain will stop since I don't have my Daisy Duck costume ready for tonight!!

Bugs your strength continues to amazing and leave me in awe. You are such a Goddess on your willingness to look at reality yourself, be introspective of your motives etc.

And who is Miss Daisy Duck? Ladybugs or MommyBugs.

Bugs,

Face it, we will probably always have feelings for our exWH, so we might as well own it learn to live with it. At least I'm sure that I will. I thought I didn't until I saw him this week and that changed things a little. What it boils down to is that he is my family and I don't think that will change, at least not at this age and after such a long term M because I really don't know much else. I own it and it's OK. Does that mean I would recover? Maybe, under the right circumstances, but I know he would never create those circumstances because they are up to him to create. Anyway, you get my drift. I'm sometimes just not good at explaining things.

You have done fantastic over the last year, and there is no doubt whatsoever that you will grow into your own, be comfortable in your own skin, and make a new path for your life. In a way, Drac will be in it, but like a teenager that just drifts along. I'm not sure he is capable of advancing beyond the maturity level where he is stuck now. Think of him mentally stuck in the state of a 17 year old, then you'll know how to deal with him.

Hope to see you next week!!!!