My wife and I had problems that kept us seperated for three years. We got through it and have been back together for around six years now. Seems like we have been happy, or atleast I have been, but I started seeing some signs that I didnt like.
Three months ago my wife started a Facebook account and looked up an old friend from school that she had a crush on. I informed her that she and I agreed that a man and a woman can not just be friends and nothing but trouble would come of it. Now that it is her that has the friend she no longer agrees that it is a bad idea and is going o keep her new friend. So to move forward a bit, I and the family start to notice that my wife now needs to get out of the house on week nites for what ever reason, and is gone for some time even if she just had to run to the store two miles up the road.
Ok now to the meat, I called my wife the other day and the phone rang and then beeped telling me that she was on the line. when she picked up I asked who she was talking to and she told me she couldnt find the phone. I said ok and left things alone. I later checked her phone log and it didnt show any calls at the time other than mine. I went online and checked the call log to fine that she was talking to this guy when I called and even worst she called him back the minute she hung up with me. I aproached her again explaning the phone ring/beep and she said she may have been talking to one of the kids at the time.
I finaly told her that she was full of crap and I know she was talking to him and she told me have been talking and flirting for a bit, but she was calling him last to tell him it was wrong and it needed to stop. That call was 30 minutes jsut like the others.
Im a making to much of this or can she no longer be trusted and I need to remove my emotions from the relationship?

Trust your gut. You are not making too much out of this. Your wife has lied to you. She has restarted a relationship with a former boyfriend - always a dangerous move. She is hiding the conversations. You have confronted her and she denies what you know to be true. She is missing in the evenning. Do you need more proof? You can put a recorder in her car. You can have her followed.

ok I like to be true to every one so I will post it from her side also.

She has a friend on the internet/phone that happens to be a man. This is not only a good friendship but one that now makes him her BEST friend in her words. She likes talking to him because his wife just left him a few months ago and he needs help getting through it. The conversation is to help with his situation, but sometimes it moves to more of a flirting thing between two of them. This isnt a problem because he lives in another state and it isnt like they can do anything. She only lied about the call because I cought her off guard and she just spit something out, and she kept adding lies to cover the first lie. She does agree that he seems to like her and she like the attention that he gives to her, but she dosnt see why any of this is a problem and why I AM MAKING TO MUCH OF IT.

Because him being out of state doesn't make him safe. She should not be helping another man get over his wife. You should be her best friend. She should be getting her conversation needs met by you. YOU ARE NOT MAKING TOO MUCH OF IT. Fix this before she has an affair if she hasn't already. THIS WILL LEAD TO YOUR WIFE HAVING AN AFFAIR if she is not already having one.. This behavior must be stopped. It will be devastating if it is not. It is not safe behavior. Read the basic concepts on this website.

I agree and I see emotion being met by other people in any way including the internet, is an affair. I just dont want to be the one that tells his side of the story and get a bunch of answers while she gets differnt answers to another side of the story.

I dont know what to do at this point. When my wfe and I got back together we decided to have 2 more kids that are now 3 and 2 and I really wanted to do right by them. I also got to the point that I no longer just saw myself growing old with my wife, but I looked forward to it.
I have licked her out of the bedroom and asked that she not touch me due to it turning my stomach. I have told her that I dont think that I can ever trust her. I am trying to act normal in front of the kids because I think it would kill the older two to find out that their mother or father would be so stupid as to do anything like this again.

I dont know. Dont have a clue of whats right, just wish she hadnt been so stupid.

Click the notify button and ask to have your thread moved to the GQII section. There are many more people that will respond in that section and they will give you some good advice. I am not a veteran here. There are definitely things that you can do that will help to save your marriage.

Also, in this section, the thread addressed to newly betrayed spouses is a very helpful place to start.

Trying
You are definitely NOT making too much out of this....the old flame thing is a tough one for most women - it's the old "before I had kids and responsibilities and boring day-to-day stuff" that she now has for you. Read up on the EN section especially and try to get your wife on here too. Also the distance makes no difference - she could already be having an emotional affair (EA) that can be every bit as devastating to your marriage as a physical affair.

My husband had an A with someone out of state, so DON'T THINK IT CAN'T HAPPEN.

She is lying to you and talking to other men about inappropriate (i.e., personal) issues. This is VERY OFTEN how affairs start.

It sounds like she is already in an EA (Emotional Affair) and it's only a matter of time before it goes physical...that's how these things work.

I would confront her and see how she reacts. Lying to your spouse about ANYTHING is a huge red flag and that's what she has been doing.

Trying, you are definitely NOT making too much out of this.

I read your story and it sounded EXACTLY like mine! I mean almost identical (other than the other person didn't live out of state in my case.)

The phone conversation, the being out of the house later and longer than usual (for odd reasons sometimes), trying to "help" the "friend" who recently separat, your wife's "side of the story" all match my exeperience soooo closely.

Except Iwas the one on the phone, out of the house, and lying to my wife. And I ultimately had a PA with the "friend."

Doesn't mean your wife has gone that far yet. Sounds like it's likely already an EA, but the distance may have stopped it from becoming physical YET. Keyword: YET.

Get your wife here if you can. She may not realize what's going on - I didn't until it was "too late".

Don't blow this off!

She IS already involved in an affair and wants to get you OFF of her back so it can continue!

From my experience, EA or PA is just as harmful. EA may be mentally a little easier to overcome for BS, once it is over. But while it is going on, it doesn't matter which kind it is.

Reading your story makes me queazy. I'm Skald's wife and like he said, this was his story. Your wife is having an EA and could very quickly turn to a PA if you don't stop it NOW. It doesn't matter that the OM lives in a different state - they always find a way to be together.

If she is missing at night, it may already be physical. Is it just one out of town friend or is there someone local too? Is the facebook friend the same as the out of state friend?

Hi TA13, welcome to MB. I was wondering about this statement. Does this mean that one of you had an affair before? Who?

guess it dont much matter at this point. I was told when I asked for her passwords or I would leave, that if I couldnt handle her being friends with him then I should leave and that in no way would she give me the passwords to her mail or facebook. I will point out that she has mine and have no problem at all with it. So now I am sleeping in the truck, steeling WIFI where I can, and not seeing my kids because she dosnt think she is the one that should leave. LUCKY ME.. I sure did pick a winner

I have decided to go back to the house. I will not be the one that has to leave because of her friendship. She will end the friendship or deal with a freindship that I create.

Trying,
Tst is right. Your WW is already involved in EA and doesn't want you to interfere. Have you read the article Coping with Infidelilty: How Do Affairs Begin (link below). Sounds to me you need to go to Plan A to get NC in place and expose the A.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html

GG

Go home. Plan A. Meet her ENs / no LBs. Snoop (keylogger, cellphone records, voice activated recorder).

Once you have evidence, EXPOSE! Exposure might kill the affair.

Again, what do you think your W is doing when she leaves the home - phone calls, or is she seeing someone else too?

Are you sure the OM is out-of-state currently?

TA, this is definitely an affair. Can you imagine kicking your wife out of your own home over a "friendship" with a guy named BOB at work? Even so, just the notion that she would put a friendship before her marriage shows her thoughtlessness indicates an affair.

If I were you, I would put a keylogger on her computer and a tap on your phone. Find out who this chump is and give him a call. Call his wife, and expose the affair to everyone, including your kids. Affairs thrive on secrecy so getting it out there will hasten its death.