Have you read the other stories on here? 10 weeks, 3 months, those are just EXTREMELY short amounts of time in the world of saving marriages....it may not feel like it. I know you are depondent about this....but you gotta pull it together.

I would hate to see this get pushed in the direction of divorce and he claim you as an unfit parent because of your depression.

Don't get defensive.....that just gets you flustered and makes it hard to focus.

You know only you can be responsible for your actions....you know the choices you have made.
Lets try to focus on moving forward and what you can do to better your situation. I need you to get up and work. I know you can do it. You had the strength to come here didn't you?

Show me and yourself you can do this.

Okay I can do anything, what would you suggest?

First off you NEED to write the plan b letter...why you ask...because first things first it will establish boundries (like he should not be calling you sister is intermediary).

Which he knows not what they are.....a plan b also will show a road home for him should he get off his [censored] and realize he's an [censored].

I will post the plan b threads to you when I get home I can't do it from my phone.

Lets take this one step at a time....first things first...write the letter...post it here so we can help with corrections before it is sent. Okie dokie?

Dear Mr. BE
I remeber when we fell in love so hard and so fast, and we were sure it would last forever.
WE would jump in your mustang and drive to the beach and sometimes just sit in your car and talk for hours.
I knew then as I know now that you are the perfect man for me, you have such a strong presence, a tender heart and the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
The early years having our kids was a little tough, but we made a beautiful family with strong values and alot of love.
After our problem 10 years ago we came to a place I dreamed about where you and I both knew we were meant to be together forever and no one could stand in our path.
WE were happy and strong and both took the time and energy to make sure the other was happy and satisfied.
Somehow over the last year and a half we lost that and let eachother slip away. You took comfort in another instead of coming to me and I let your distance drive us further away from each other.
I want you to know that there is a path home to me whenever you are ready to cut all contact with her for life and decide to work on our marriage.
I want a better marriage than the one we have had and baby I know we can have that.
I accept that I have anger issues and somtimes I have a hard time talking about unpleasant things, but I will work on that and be here for you when you are ready.
I want it all with you, and I want to grow old with you by my side whatever it takes.
For now I am asking you to please use Pam to get any messages to me and I will do the same, because the pain of our conversations is too much and I don't want to loose the precious love I feel for you.
WE stood in front of God and our families and friends and swore to love each other until death do us part and I intend to that, please join me.

That's a nice letter BE, but it's far too mushy and syrupy sweet for PB purposes. He won't even read the whole thing and it will drift in one wayward eye and out of the other. He doesn't want to hear the mushy romantic stuff from you at this point.

You need to tone it down a bit and make it a little more business-like. I know that's hard because of all the things you want to say but for a wayward you need to be short and to the point and not too "Harlequin Romance," KWIM?

Take care,

Charlotte

Here's a link on sample Plan B letters thread.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2181581#Post2181581

GG

I agree....your setting boundries....the part about preserving the remaining love you have is good.

Here are some links to sample letters:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2144755#Post2144755

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2062711#Post2062711

Those should give you some building blocks to start with.
I know you can do this....do you trust us to guide you?

Yes, rewrite your Plan B letter so that it isn't so mushy and needy-sounding.

Also, if he asks your sister how you are doing, she shouldn't tell him because that gives him a "fix" of you. The only communication should be about kids and finances.

*BUMP*

Hey BE how ya doin out there....we seemed to have lost your signal again....darn radiation from the sun.