Catch the ball, calmly set it down next to you (preferably without even looking up), and continue enjoying the beautiful day outside.

Outlast, yes. Easier to do if you ignore It as best you can. Instead of wondering what the infidels are up to or planning or doing, worry about YOUR day. Enjoy YOUR time. Live YOUR life. Take care of YOU. Don't let the infidels intrude on your peace, including through your own thoughts.

And maybe get introspective. Recognize what you can control and what you can't. Question your motives for the things you want.

Hang in there, HH. You'll be fine.

Thanks, SDGuy.

I read your response this morning, took a deep breath and smiled. You are right about not throwing the ball back.

Then I left work, picked up the mail and noticed an envelope from the court. Yep -- I now have a court date and requirements to submit financials...to meet and confer prior...to show up.

Crap.

Required court date is 2 days after son's high school graduation which means meeting will be before.

I hate this.

OK -- calm -- I'm headed to the beach for a few days.

Lay on the sand, listen to the waves, drink a little, relax with the kids, breath.

Breath...and when I get back, I'm picking up the freak'in ball, hiring an attorney, then aiming at WH's balls and OW's nose with my assault.

I'm posting this from School Bus. It was in response to text message sent by [censored] last month. Once again, School Bus nails it on the head.

I have been so busy! I'm really sorry. I read his message to you.

That part about the court not looking into the finances when you get a divorce - that came from the OW. He either believes her, or wants you to believe her. Either way, it is a lie.

He is hoping you will release money ties to him - but the real reason behind this is, he is having problems with his romance because of money problems. He thinks if the money problems stop, things in love-city will be happy again.

He is wrong.

And do not give up one crumb.

SB

I totally agree with SB. [censored] is trying to support two women and six kids at the moment and something's gotta give.

HH sorry to hear about court date. This D stuff puts us in limbo. Yes outwit, outlast, outplay...You will be the ultimate survivor.

Get into the sand and water. Rejoice being in the sun. Look what H is missing and don't care what he thinks.

You are a Goddess - feel it, breathe it, be it.

Back from beach. Relaxed, tanned, renewed.

Plan B still going strong. Few thoughts of [censored].

Just wish I didn't need to prepare D paperwork. But I feel strongly that money will be the cause of the A demise. And money won't be issue without the D. So perhaps D is best afterall.

Divorce is not death (the only true permanent). You can always remarry if the fates align.

Sorry, not trying to be flip, but give a little sniggle of hope in a bad time.

HH, welcome back to the tan goddess.

I do accept that our WH and us the BS have to hit our own bottom. Once that happens then the only place to go is up. Life is filled with hills and valleys. Right now we are low in the valley. It will change. Your right the D might be the catalyst to the demise of the A. That is what we pray for. take care.

Feeling bummed right now.

Made it through spring break with kids. Made it through Easter vigil Mass last night. Made it through brunch at in-laws today.

Now -- now -- this coming week -- need to face reality of D.

Start on financials. Gather documents. Retain attorney. Prepare for fight.

I hate this.

I hate this.

I hate this.

{{{{{{{{{{HOLY}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm so sorry you are hurting. I'm right here if you need holding up. You are doing the best you can with what you have to work with. I know it really doesn't mean much.

I'm struggling terribly tonight, but I just remembered my AA sponsors teaching me that feelings come and go. This will pass.

You have a lot of people who care about you and are praying for you. To say you'll be fine... Well, we all will in the end. Will it be what we want, don't know. I love you. I'm sorry you are sad and facing what you are facing..

Thanks for being there for me, Queenie.

Just can't shake the dread I feel having to face the D this week. I told myself to let it go until after Easter, but I jumped the gun tonight and started thinking about it until waiting until tomorrow. My fault. Today is such a trigger being the first real holiday without H.

OK, Holyheart. Get your big girl panties on. Tomorrow is another day.

Of course I'm here and I will always be here like others were for me. We are all in this together because G-d needs us to hold each other and walk together. But it's really G-d who is holding you.

Talk to G-d, ask him if he needs something from you right this moment. Try to change your thinking from dread to seeing how wonderfully G-d will work in your life. And he will. He promises us in so many ways.

I know, it's easier to say it to someone else. And yet, even as I'm struggling terribly tonight, I believe this with all my heart. G-d will take care of you. He will be there with you, protecting you from the enemies who seek to destroy you.

This is my saying on Facebook...

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. And ye shall call upon me, and go, and pray unto Me, and I will harken unto you. And ye shall seek Me, and find Me, when ye shall search for Me with all your heart.

Proverbs 3:25-26 Be not afraid of sudden terror; Neither of the destruction of the wicked, when it cometh; For the Lord will be thy confidence, and will keep thy foot from being caught.

Psalm 143 Oh Lord, hear my prayer, give ear to my supplications. For the enemy hath persectued my soul. He hath crushed my life down to the ground. Answer me speedily my Lord, for my spirit faileth. Hide not thy face from me. Lest I become like them that go down into the pit. Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning. For in Thee do I trust; Cause me to know the way where in I should walk. For nto Thee have I lifted up my soul. Deliver me from my enemies, Oh Lord. Teach me to do Thy will, For Thou art my G-d. In thy righteousness bring my soul out of trouble, And in Thy mercy cut off my enemies, And destroy them all that harass my soul. For I am Thy servant.

I will keep you in my prayers as I go to sleep and ask G-d to protect, bless and take care of us who need a little extra TLC

Thanks, dear friend.

G-d bless you for sharing. I will turn to Him tonight. He brings me great comfort.

Goodnight.

Verbally retained attorney today. With court date scheduled, I need a pro at my table.

And believe me -- before I drop off the first payment, I will personally look attorney in the eye and ask if he's ready, willing and able to go after [censored] AND be an f'ing a-hole in the process.

See -- no "friendly" D for me. I want it VERY messy and VERY painful and VERY ugly and VERY drawnout. And it won't be MY fault -- no sir -- it's all attorney's doing. Why? ...because poor, pathetic, loyal, good Holyheart(wink, wink) can't stop the process that [censored] started and can't tell attorney to back off with his assault.

So sorry, [censored], that every penny you spent has to be accounted for. So sorry that paperwork will consume so much of your time. So sorry that you will be asked to pay for my attorney...so sorry that friends and family will be asked to testify...so sorry that kids don't want you around...SORRY.

Because I'm FINALLY realizing that [censored] has really become a loser. A loser sooooooo under the influence of OW. He has given up everything for her. Now he will pay for his choices.

This afternoon at DS's track meet -- there's me and DD, along with MIL and FIL, watching DS compete. And there...in the distance...sitting in his truck in the parking lot....is [censored]. Once again, an outsider to his children and their lives.

And he texts DD to ask what place DS got. Why? Because he wasn't close enough to see how DS did. And he wasn't close enough to hear the announcer. And he wasn't close enough to see the look of happiness on DS's face when he realized he got 3rd place.

How sad that [censored]'s chosen to end his relationships with his kids. His flesh and blood... His legacy....

And I am doing fine. Really. I will get through this bruised and battered but with my pride in tact. It's just that I have a hole in my heart. And it will take time for the hole to fill in. But that's OK because I am OK.

But now -- game on, mister. Absolutely no mercy from me.

{{{holyheart}}} I'm glad you're getting stronger.

HH, I feel your pain but I also feel your strength. You were like a slinky when this started. Just moving aimlessly. Since then you have gained a backbone or should I say "warrior strength".

I agree with "its not me -- it is my attorney". They use the fog babble to justify their lives. We use our clear heads and hearts to justify ours. :crosseyedcrazy:

I know that feeling of dread going to the Atty. All that darn paperwork and going through every detail of your shared lives and trying a way to separate the 2...Yes it SUCKS.
But remember nothing is permanent but death. Everything else can change.

I almost felt pity for "[censored]" (Love your special name for him). He was a pathetic figure sitting in the parking lot. It is like the kid in the playground with no friends and standing off to the side and trying to figure out how to get into the game. There is a plan for him...It it God's plan and he is laying the groundwork . Of course He will also throw in some road blocks too.

Take care good friend. You are doing great.

Well, well. Seems [censored] is back in manipulation mode.

He called yesterday to discuss some finance stuff. Then says he's ready to work on his relationships with the kids and could I please help. Me help?

He's admitting he's made SOME mistakes. That he should have done more to keep in contact with the kids. That the past is the past and he wants to start fresh going forward.

Geez...and he wants MY help.

Hummmmm...Oh -- he adds "if you really love the kids, you'd want them to have a relationship with ME."

Hummmmmm...you mean the "me" who walked out on us 2 days after Christmas (and 4 times previously), who lied and cheated and put us in debt, who bullied me and the kids, who filed for D and told our kids that our marriage had been bad for years, and who is living with OW and her 3 brats???

And he's HURT that he wasn't included in our Easter. And he's HURT that his parents and siblings have sided with me.

And why would I even think of hiring an attorney for our upcoming court date since all the attorney will do is drag out the process to earn more money? Can't this all be settled easily between the two of us -- and his friend, the accountant, who set him up with OW? And the debt doesn't matter.

Blah, blah, blah.

And....surprise, surprise...the manipulation begins. "Dad's coming to my swim meet" says DD. "Dad wants to hang out with me on Sunday" says other DD.

What an awesome Dad...What an manipulative ba$[censored]...

But Holyheart has learned her lesson. She cannot protect [censored], nor defend [censored], nor facilitate reconciliation between [censored] and the kids.

[censored] has to do this all by himself. And not just words or actions but mindset. [censored] has to WANT to be a Dad again. And to do that, [censored] has to stop being selfish.

And, frankly, I don't think [censored] will end his self-centeredness until consequences are felt. And consequences will not be felt until either OW drops him or the D is done.

And the D seems the more likely of the two.

I'm so sorry. But the kids are learning tons from you. {{{hh}}}

Hi Holy,

You NEVER know what G-d has planned. TRUST and have FAITH.

And I am learning tons from my MB friends. Thank you all for your support!!!

Yes, WH came to DDs swim meet today. He sat all by his lonesome in the far bleachers. Then he moved over and sat by his parents. (His parents just ignored him.) Then he moved over to a group of men.

OK -- I looked to see where he was sitting but that's it. I didn't care whether or not he was there since that was between DD and him.

And [censored] looked bad. Like he's aged 10 years. At 47 he's totally gray and balding AND looks like he's gained weight.

Now the FABULOUS part -- ME, MYSELF and I.

I have been doing my part under Plan B and had pampered myself this week. Hair cut, manicure, dentist, tanning. And I looked GREAT and I felt even better. I talked with other parents, I walked with confidence, I laughed and smiled. And I received two complements at how wonderful I looked!!!

See....I wasn't the pathetic Holyheart of the past with teary eyes and runny nose. I was the "getting a life" Holyheart.

And -- before anyone thinks I've fallen under [censored]'s spell -- he's tried to call me two more times since the conversation and I didn't answer either time.

Back to Plan B and preparing for Plan D.

Believe it or not - YOUR new attitude is a blessing to ALL involved.

Just look at the NEW YOU!

May I admire you a bit longer?