I don't have one at the moment. I will have to get some money from somewhere to at least get some counsel. do you have any suggestions?

legal aide

Right off the top, my goal is to save my marriage and to reconcile. I know that only God can help at this point. But I do need a plan and a direction. Do husband's want there wives to fight for them?

I believe that I make to much money for legal, but I will try.

WAYWARD husbands want their wives to be HAPPY about the adultery breaking up the marriage and to fully cooperate with the divorce and be friends for life with the OW.

Who gives a sheet about what a wayward husband wants?

Do not make your plans based on what your WAYWARD husband wants.

Make your plans based on what YOU want.

You are right, what am I thinking? I have to find that fight in me. I am drained with all this sheet? I don't want to play the game, but I have to survive.

atta-girl

WH is counting on you surrendering without a fight ...

You don't owe him a preview of your plans, by the way.

WH: "Are you getting an attorney?"

YOU: "Don't worry about it."

WH: "Answer me !"

You: "Don't worry so much."

I got angry and ask him if he and the op had something else to do besides bother me. his reply was: yes we do that is why I am getting a divorce.

Now what do I say or do?

At this point should I tell him I want to save our marriage?

Remember this MAN is NOT your H. He is an alien who lives in your H body. Don't listen to him. Try and learn to let what he does not effect you. He is going to tell you anything because hurt people hurt people.

He isn't YOUR H. He is an ADDICT who will protect and defend that fantasy he lives in. If he is unhappy he will fight harder to push the blame away from himself. He is so typical. TRUST and have FAITH in G-d. How he deals with him isn't any of YOUR business. You can PRAY and ask G-d to provide what he needs. We simply don't know what G-d is doing over there on the other side of the mountain.

Please TRY and STOP looking for this monster to act or react like your H. He isn't your H. I TRULY know how hard this is. That's why Plan B was so helpful for me. It gave me the time to just heal and become stronger and get a sense of reality for myself. I was letting WH control my thoughts. Question my reality. Please don't let him do that.

Do you have a job where you have emergency legal benefits. I get one hour of free legal consultation. I agree with Pep. Find a way to stall. But ask G-d for help. Ask him to show you what the next indicated step is. TRUST G-d...

Personally I would tell him that you don't talk divorce, you talk marriage and leave it at that.

Just like you can't control him, he can't control you.

Thanks Queenie, I have to remember that he is an alien. I do not know this person.

His cousin is getting married today and his mother said that she has not seen him or talk to him in weeks. She did not know that he has filed for divorce or that he is doing all these things. He has not been around his family in a while.

I did text him and told him that his mother wanted to know where he was? and the last thing I text him and said was; that I want to save my marriage, and that I do not want this. I have not heard back from him.

My job does not have any benefits like that, however, I am putting my thinking cap on and I believe that I can ask a board member who is an attorney. Just have to think a minute.

Queenie, are you and your spouse working on things.

Being resourceful, that's awesome Sunshine....

Yes, just not TOGETHER...

How long have you been apart? did he ever file for divorce?

May 14, 2007 D-day... He walked out and NEVER came back.

I was truly destroyed and wanted to just die.

How did you manage? Did he ever talk of reconciliation, and if you don't mind me asking, were you guys ever imitimate after he left? Did you ever see him.

I know this is in God hands. and I have to press forward. I don't want to be consumed with this, like you said, I will continue to pray and focus on God. This is the first time he has acutally admitted that he is involved with op since he left 9 months ago. Since he has told me that he is involved with op and he wants a divorce, it hurts, I can't control anything, and I know God is working for the good. My husband has not been honest with me since he left about anything.

We have been apart since that day, 5-14-07. No, he never filed for D. I did file for a legal separation when I went into Plan B.

Please feel free to ask anything you need. How did I manage. With so many people on here - to teach me how to formulate my plans, going to AA meetings, having a sponsor who kept it about ME, and becoming the woman that G-d always intended for me. There were days and to be honest, there are still days when I just don't want to go on anymore. I just exist to raise my kids. But as time goes on... so does the healing. As for the reconciliation - yes in August 07 there was a small window of opportunity to get him back home, HOWEVER, I was on my own, MB wasn't really talking to me and I did many of the wrong things, the biggest one being relationship talk. I believe had I NOT done that he would have been home. But that wasn't G-ds journey and I had SO MUCH MORE growing, learning and changing to do it didn't matter.

WH in my life started his affair sometime around April or May 06. When exposed by my two boys, he told me that he had been having an affair for over a year. I don't really know when it first began. From the day he became involved in her, he withheld sex from me. I begged, I did so much and in the end he told me that I wasn't safe and that he couldn't trust me. I have reasons why there was a ring of truth to it and so he pushed me away and made me think in time I had a chance of getting something from him. In reality, he saved my life. OW was a crack addict with hep C.

I worked a beautiful Plan A, once Mimi got me on track. I saw him pretty much at will and did whatever creative things I could come up with. I had been with him since I was 17. In the beginning of Plan A, he responded very well to what I was doing, but then like all waywards he cake ate in his own version and it become obvious I needed to go into to Plan B.


Sunshine, it has sadly been my experience that they are NEVER honest with anything. It's like that part of their value system or morals is GONE. They lie about the stupidest things and for NO REASON. Their logic defies reasoning.

I sat in an AA meeting last night. For me, coming to terms and accepting that my husband was in an ACTIVE ADDICTION was probably the easiest part for me. You see, I am an addict/alcoholic, I'm wired differently than most people and many people on here. I have a disease that affects my perception in the mind. I have a constant committee that lives in my head and is noisy and extremely destructive. To quiet the chatter I will do whatever it takes to feed that noise and quiet it down. I believe so will the wayward. Their perception of the world, their memories, everything becomes distorted and to just keep feeling that high of whatever they get, they will hurt, mutilate and lie to keep having it.

To a normal mind or person, this doesn't make any sense. For me it did. I just had to understand that like the true alcoholic, no human power could stop us from drinking. No human power can stop a wayward from being a wayward. G-d is hurting more for your WH than you could EVER understand. TRUST G-d, have FAITH in what he is creating and just keep praying and asking for the next indicated step.

He will provide if we listen.

Quote of the day Queenie