Someone misses me?

After the 2M2L issue I figured I'd better lay low.

After all I'm little good for much other than moral support and bashing the crueler WSs like Chai's.

Selfishness of this variety just burns me.

I have a job at Wal-Mart working mostly night shifts (which is when I am usually here) so I can't really be on all the time either.

Sugarplum! Of course, someone missed you!

[tj]

I figured ever since I was told I was a likely OW (youth and desire for stability/etc ) I'd better hang around here and see the results of what happens to women like that.

[/tj]

Sorry for the TJ Chai!

OH!!! I just realized I could make this even better!!!!!! :twobyfour:












:MrEEk:



YES!!!!! It's MUCH BETTER!!!!

WH:

Chai:

Judge:

I hope that's how it goes. Prayers going up Chai.

Hey Chai,

I just wanted to lend my support, I can relate. I am just your basic blue-collar, part-time SAHM trying to make ends, my exH has decided NOT to pay the tax bill that he is responsible for (divorce decree says so, it is HIS income). The IRS is now threatening to take my hard drive from my computer! I am just thinking how unreal this is. Sure, you can have my hard drive, my recipe's, mothering and marriage message boards, gardening newsletters, etc. Knock yourself out!

And of course, exH skips merrily along, he knows that I am involved in a court case with the IRS trying to remove myself from HIS liability, but as long as they are not bothering him, he doesn't care. He knows I could lose the only home his kids have known, no biggie to him, I guess.

He did admit that he hates it that I am not broke enough for his liking. I don't get that, he left, go live you little life and leave me alone. Why isn't he so wracked with guilt that he is pleased I did not curl up in the fetal position and die.

But sadly, that is his wish for me, that I would just evaporate. I don't get that.

I could speculate about his misplaced anger, the guilt that must be eating him up inside. But I try not to. Having sympathy for him may be healthy, but it hurts me. The one person who was on "my side" for so long is the one person who seems bent on destroying me.

I can't wrap my head around that, so I just pray to be healed. If that means feeling sympathy for exH, if that means indifference, if that means paying his tax bill after selling my home, whatever. I don't even know what "healed" looks like anymore.

(((Chai)))

I wish I knew why he keeps fighting. I believe that he thinks I will have to pay his atty fees. The way things are going I probably will have to. Things sure aren't going my way.

If I was hiding money, why would I "hide" it in my own name in a bank? That's not "hiding" it. Hiding it is cash between the mattress and boxsprings. Duh. Problem is I don't have cash to hide. Wish I did.

I sure haven't seen such a hostile case either. Baffles me....

Jean,

Why would the IRS want your hard drive? Maybe they think you are laundering money or something and keep your business files on it??? Wow, that IS unreal.

Your ex sounds as vindictive as mine. Not sure about your ex before the A, but mine was not like this. Like you, I just can't wrap my brain around it all. Especially after a 35 year M. I have to believe that we will both get through this and be better for it. How I don't know, but I'm trying to keep thinking that way. I'm so sorry that you have an idjit oriface to deal with too. Thanks so much for your support.

Before the A, my H was the most staunch, upstanding, moral guy. Sometimes, I think those guys have it worst, they just can't resolve who they were with who they have become.

And yes, I must be laundering money, I have it hidden everywhere! It is funny, there is very little in my home that is not hand me down or scratch and dent store purchases. But the IRS thinks I am hiding money :crosseyedcrazy:

But it will all work out the way it is supposed to.

A wise woman (Queenie) once told me that everything is happening as it is supposed to in God's world. I think she was right.



See Queenie, I do listen to you when you talk......

My ears were burning. LOL... And you listened to the best part. The part about G-d and it's his time, his plan and its as it should be.

Jean, we don't have to KNOW what it looks like. We just have to find the courage to trust G-d and know it will happen when we least expect it to.

I took DD to social services today to pick up a check, however it wasn't ready. She called her dad and asked if she could borrow some money and he went off on her. He told her that it was nothing but money with the two of us, that we both had more education than he did yet he is the one working and we both want him to support us, then he said he didn't want to talk to her again. Oh, unhappy is he? Poor baby. Seems he has tons of money to pay for a D, pay for OPs trailer and other expenses.

Just venting.

Your WH and your daughter's "Dad" is a piece of ... of... work. It's almost like he's possessed!

I hope your daughter's eyes are beginning to open a little to "see" him for what he is.

He is definitely under the influence of something. Maybe the witch hunt his atty is on is causing the cash register cha-chings to become louder than they were. Especially since the witch hunt so far has been a dead end. They got nothing.


Actually, yes. She had a few choice words today. I think she is hurt though.

How are YOU? I simply can't believe that he could get any worse and then he surprises me. I am so sorry Chai....

Too bad Mister Rollie Eyes isn't working right now. I'd have them plastered all over this post.

Chai, I believe everything will work out for you in time. I know that's no comfort, but all things have an end, and this witch hunt will too. Just keep up with submitting your info to the courts and IRS.

After a while, I started to think of the Z as someone I didn't really know, as an imposter. It helped me to let go of trying to figure him out. It's a useless waste of precious gray matter and time, IMO.

Much love to you. Chin up.

I don't know Queenie. I think somehow the worst from him is yet to come. He seems obsessed with making sure that I go down in flames. It's a little scary really. I almost wonder if I should start to watch over my shoulder. I'm the only thing standing between $ and his life with OP. Remember, she is single, ready, and waiting. Not sure how much influence she has over this, but I don't want to end up in the bottom of a lake. Maybe I watch too much 48 Hours mysteries.....

SL,

I try to do the same thing because he IS NOT someone I know. I don't know if the old person can ever reappear. Something has gone horribly wrong in his mind.

He is a poopy-head! Just like lots of other waynerds.


:twobyfour:

Well, the judge gave WH's atty until last Friday to come up with proof that I'm hiding money. He got nothin'. So, we were ordered to split the last remaining joint account so that I could pay my bills. That will help me for about two months. After that, I hope to know whether or not WH will need to give me support. If he wins and doesn't have to, then I'll go to Plan X (whatever that is). Probably close the business, file bankruptcy and hopefully start over on a better foot, both emotionally and financially. I still can't believe how quickly this A took me from being set for retirement to ruin. Sure doesn't take long, does it? And the sad part? WH in no way sees it. And honestly, I don't think he ever will. He has so long blamed me that the belief is totally ingrained in his being.

DD has been out of rehab for about 5 days. Doing OK so far, but I know that it is a day by day thing. Chaibaby is doing well too. We call him "fatboy." He is really growing fast. Starting to smile and coo a lot now.

WH told DD this morning that he will not buy the crib since she is with me. He told her months ago that he would buy one, but now won't. I just can't afford it, but I told her we would figure out how to get one. Helping her has been such a financial strain on me with all of the running around to take her and the baby for appointments, the additional electric and water bills etc. She is supposed to get assistance from the government, but has yet to get anything except a food stamp card which helped somewhat. So, I shoulder the burden of taking care of the two of them and was hoping that WH would buy the bed to help out, but no deal. He's not buying it for me. I told her to tell him that I promise not to sleep in it.

So, as far as WH is concerned.... Well, I've reflected on the past couple of years lately and have been coming to terms with the fact that my M is almost over. Like most BS's who come here, I never thought it would happen this way, but here I am. Not what I wanted, but we don't always get what we want.

I know I'm not supposed to blame myself for this, but I accept much of the responsibility. I wasn't the greatest spouse, I know. As I look back, I realize that I was controlling, but WH just kind of put me into that role. I just naturally took over management of many things. He had no interest in financial stuff, social calendar etc. so I just took over all that stuff. I probably should have insisted that he be more involved in the decision making process I guess. And of course, I didn't meet those top needs. I'm not sure what needs I met to tell the truth.

I guess I started thinking about all of this because the image of WH and OP sticks in my head (remember the picture that I saw?) It hit me that he looked happy. He wasn't happy with me. OP is meeting those top needs that I didn't, and probably meeting most others as well. And with her, he is in control, calling the shots. I think when the D is final, he will M her. Maybe I've finally hit the acceptance phase, but it's OK. I just hope that on this death bed he can look back and be happy with that decision.

I also realized that I'm going to be OK. I didn't want to grow old alone, but there were no guarantees anyway. One partner always goes before the other.

Just some thoughts to share. Not sure what has happened to me lately, but the anger, resentment, etc. seems to have drained. Maybe I'm just ready to let go now.....

CHAI

I love you so much and admire your strength and fortitude. You are without a doubt one of the most amazing strong woman I have ever had the blessing to know.

No, we don't always get what we want. Some believe, including me that we get what we need. I too have been in the most reflective state and have come to the place that the mistakes I made in my M, althought not understanding the ramifications, were in the end too destruction and this is the consequences of my stupid choices.

I too made so many mistakes, I hurt my WH deeply and always believed that I had the time to figure it out and make him happy.

We may not have our M, but we are better people for it. You could have abandoned your D when she was going through this. You didn't. You allowed her to walk her path and supported and helped when and where directed.

Your finances. Who knows that G-d has planned, why you learned this lesson and quite honestly maybe it just was.. But you will be rewarded one day. I completely believe that.

I wish you could come next week.